A Three-Tined Fork
You come to a point in the forest where three paths diverge.
The left branch looks pretty normal -- the trees surrounding it are healthy, the path is well-lit, and furry woodland creatures scamper along it, just waiting to get eaten by some larger but equally furry predator.
The trees around the middle branch look as though they've been burned, the earth is scorched (though not by tiny robotic tanks, you're guessing,) and you catch the occasional glimpse of flashing lights from the distant recesses of the path.
The third branch is dark. Really dark. Really, really dark, come to think of it. You can't see anything at all past the entrance.
All of the paths look equally well-traveled, so you're not gonna be able to rely on poetry for advice in this case.
Take the normal path
You come to a clearing in the woods, and notice a couple of sets of footprints leading off in opposite directions.
The left set leads into a small copse of trees, while the right set (which has another, smaller set of footprints next to it) leads into a... er... small copse of trees. A... different small copse of trees.
Corpse in the Copse
In the middle of the copse, you find the corpse of an Adventurer just like you. Well, not just like you, in that you don't seem to have been cut almost completely in half by the claws of some forest beastie just yet.
You help yourself to his equipment.
 | You acquire seal-clubbing clubs |
 | You acquire seal teeth |
Corpse in the Copse
In the middle of the copse, you find the corpse of an unlucky Turtle Tamer.
You're saddened by the loss of a fellow adventurer, but not quite saddened enough to refrain from taking all of his stuff.
 | You acquire helmet turtles |
 | You acquire scrolls of turtle summoning |
Take the scorched path
In a clearing at the end of the scorched path, you find a pair of craters. The first is smoking, and looks like it was the result of some sort of explosion.
The other is... well... moist. It looks like it was the result of a particularly productive and violent sneeze.
To which crater will you cater?
Corpse in the Crater
At the bottom of the smoking crater, you find what appears to be the charred corpse of a Pastamancer. Looks like his last spell didn't go off quite as planned. Unless, y'know, the plan was to completely char-broil himself and the immediate vicinity, in which case it went off exactly as planned.
You root around in the ashes until you find the remains of his equipment.
 | You acquire pasta spoons |
 | You acquire ravioli hats |
Corpse in the Crater
At the bottom of the slimy crater, you find a glob of goo with what looks like the corpse of Sauceror inside it. Looks like he summoned more jelly than he was ready for.
You fish out (and wipe off) his possessions.
 | You acquire saucepans |
 | You acquire spices |
Take the dark path
You proceed down the dark path. Literally, not metaphorically. After a while, you come across signs of a struggle -- deep gouges in the path, littered with sequins and bits of ivory, leading off into a particularly dense clump of bushes.
What's it gonna be, then?
Corpse in the Dark
You continue down the path, and abruptly trip over something. As you pick yourself off the ground, you realize that what you tripped over was A HUMAN HAND. Okay, so it's not all that creepy or dramatic, considering some of the other stuff you've seen around these parts.
You follow the hand to a wrist, which leads to an arm. The arm is attached to the corpse of what seems to have once been a Disco Bandit.
You decide it'd be a waste not to hork his equipment, and waste makes haste, your mother always used to say.
 | You acquire disco masks |
 | You acquire disco balls |
Corpse in the Dark
You look behind the clump of bushes, and discover the corpse of an unfortunate Accordion Thief. Looks like some woodland beastie didn't appreciate his music very much.
You help yourself to his gear.
 | You acquire stolen accordions |
 | You acquire pairs of mariachi pants |
Occurs in The Spooky Forest
References
- "All of the paths look equally well-traveled, so you're not gonna be able to rely on poetry for advice in this case." Refers to the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.
- The reference to "tiny robotic tanks" in the description of the scorched path refers to the classic DOS game Scorched Earth, which involves combat between tiny robotic tanks.
- "Looks like he summoned more jelly than he was ready for." refers to the song "Bootylicious", specifically the phrase "I don't think you're ready for this jelly".
- "You proceed down the dark path. Literally, not metaphorically." refers to a line spoken by Yoda in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back: "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."
- "Waste makes haste" is, of course, a reversal of "haste makes waste".
