Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E. (familiar)

There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required. Needs formulas for frequency of various actions, amount of delevelling, etc. Do the tesla coil and oil slick attacks only occur if you've won/lost initiative respectively?

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Familiar number: 77
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Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.
Festive and useful It helps you, and breaks your foes to pieces on earth.

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Ability: Attacks, de-levels opponent, restores MP, prevents opponents from acting, acts as either a Sombrero or Volleyball depending upon equipment, occasionally gives humorous status effects

Throne/Bjorn: Unknown

Hatchling: Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.|Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E. (hatchling)|Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.(?)

Familiar-Specific Equipment: , metallic foil radar dish metallic foil bow, metallic foil bow, metallic foil radar dish(?)

	Ultimate Cage Match	Scavenger Hunt	Obstacle Course	Hide and Seek

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

*Hover for details

Cannot breathe underwater

Combat Messages

• At the start of combat:

• <name> extends a needle-tipped robotic arm and injects you with performance-enhancing nanobots.

You acquire an effect: Cybernetic Muscles (duration: X Adventures)

or

You acquire an effect: Neuromancy (duration: X Adventures)

or

You acquire an effect: Can Has Cyborger (duration: X Adventures)

• <name> extends an antenna with a Tesla coil on it, electrifying the air. Signs, signs, everywhere are signs, blockin' out the scenery, dealing X damage.

  You gain Y Mana Points.

or

• <name> extends a hose and sprays an oil slick in front of <it>. <It> slips and misses you -- you should drop by more often!

• Attack messages:
  • <name> extends a robotic arm with a chainsaw on the end. Before you can say "Hail to the king, baby," it chops it for X damage.
  • <name> spins around and blows a thick cloud of smoke from its exhaust. It completely engulfs your opponent, making it impossible for <it> to see you.
  • <name> extends an appendage and uses a taser on <it>, despite <its> plea of "don't tase me, bro!" <It> twitches and looks weaker.

• At the end of combat (without metallic foil radar dish):

<name> extends a cybernetic mouth and smiles broadly.

• Special familiar equipment messages:

• With metallic foil radar dish equipped:

<name> places its radar dish on the ground and does a cross between a hat dance and the Robot around it before putting it back on.

• With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:

<name> extends a glowing red eye, which winks from under the Tam O'Shanter.

• With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:

<name> does the jingle-bell rock around the maypole.

• With wax lips equipped:

<name> extends a segmented arm with the wax lips on the end, like a little wax hand puppet.

Arena Messages

• When entered in an Obstacle Course:

<name> sucks at the obstacle course - every time it runs into an obstacle, it turns around and goes back in the opposite direction.

Notes

• Will give stats as a sombrero with the metallic foil radar dish equipped and as a volleyball otherwise.
• The buff duration is equal to its weight divided by three, rounded up.
• The damage of the chainsaw attack is Weight+5 to Weight+10.
• The damage and MP restoration range on the tesla coil attack are both Weight/2 (round up) to Weight. These values are independent of each other. The attack will only occur on the first round of combat.

References

• The Tesla coil attack is a reference to the type of resonant transformer known as a Tesla Coil, invented by Serbian electrician Nikola Tesla.
• The line "Signs, signs, everywhere are signs, blockin' out the scenery" is a quote from the the song Signs, as covered by the band Tesla.
• The chainsaw attack is a reference to Evil Dead series, where the protagonist Ash straps a chainsaw for a hand in the second movie, and "Hail to the King" is an iconic one-liner from the third.
• The taser attack refers to a taser incident at the University of Florida, where, as student Andrew Meyer was tasered for questioning Senator John Kerry, he screamed "Don't tase me bro".
• The last line of the haiku is a pun on "peace on earth," in this case probably referencing a line from the carol "Hark the Herald Angels Sing."
• The dance refers to the Christmas song "Jingle Bell Rock."
• The obstacle course one is a reference to Isaac Asimov's "Runaround", where the robot runs towards then away from its destination, repeatedly.