A Mer-kin Graffiti
You go around to the back of the Elementary School building and find a group of Mer-kin kids drawing on the wall with some kind of waterproof chalk. Since Mer-kin don't have external genitalia, the drawings are all of the middle part of a Mer-kin's tail.
"Hey, guys," you say. The Mer-kin kids spin around and glare guiltily at you.
"Hey, new kid. Man, did anyone ever tell you that you look just like an airbreather in a crappy disguise?" One of the kids says. "Nah, just messing with you. So, what are you going to do? Tell a teacher? I mean, it's just chalk. It rubs right off. Don't be a tattletale, man."
| Threaten To Turn Them In |
"Well," you say, "I'm sorry, guys, but I'm going to have to turn you in. Unless . . ."
"Unless what?"
"Unless you can show me where to get some of that underwater chalk. That stuff's awesome; think of all the things I could deface if I had some of that!"
"Oh," one of the kids says, nodding to the others, "that's in the supply closet. It's full of supplies. Go through the back door, and it's the third door on your left."
You follow their instructions, open the third door on the left, and sneak into . . . well, a room full of teachers, all of whom don't look particularly happy to see you.
"You can't be in here! This is the teacher's lounge!" one shouts. Before you can explain, you've been grabbed by the scruff of the neck and tossed into the hallway. Why those little bastards. . . ah, well, at least you know where the Teacher's Lounge is, now.
| Offer to Keep Watch |
"Don't worry, I'm not going to turn you in. In fact, I'll keep watch in case one of the teachers comes -- hey, where'd you guys go?"
You see nothing but the bubble trails of fleeing Mer-kin kids in front of you, so you turn around to see a Mer-kin teacher holding a big wooden ruler.
"Ah, drawing on the walls, are we? What kind of pornographic filth is this?"
"Um. . . it's the future?" you say, right before you find out that your future isn't crudely-drawn genitalia, but several dozen whacks on the knuckles with a ruler.
 | You lose 229 hit points. |
| Add Your Own Graffiti |
"Don't worry, I'm not going to turn you in," you say. "Can I give it a try?" One of the Mer-kin kids gives you a piece of chalk, and you start drawing. "Dude, you're supposed to draw something dirty, not something lame like a cannon covered in algae," one of the kids says.
"No," you say, "that's not what this is. Don't you get it?"
"It's totally a cannon! There's the two wheels, all covered in furry algae, and that long cylinder on top of them is the cannon!"
"Nah," one of the other Mer-kin kids says, "I think it's a speargun covered in slime. Like, that tube up top is --"
"Look, just -- never mind, okay? Geez." You turn and walk away, frustrated at their inability to understand your art. Philistines.
| You lose 296 hit points. |
Occurs at Mer-kin Elementary School
References
- The adventure title sounds like the coming-of-age film American Graffiti.
