Azazel, Ma Belle (old quest)

This page is here for historical interest only. See Azazel, Ma Belle for the current quest.

Description

This optional quest will give you either the Liver of Steel, or Stomach of Steel, or Spleen of Steel upon completion. Which one you receive depends on your current path.

Tasks

• Adventure in the The Deep Fat Friars' Gate until you receive Azazel's unicorn, Azazel's lollipop and Azazel's tutu in 3 adventures.
• These three adventures are not affected by combat/non-combat rate, but rather appear every tenth adventure in the gate.
• Once you have the three items, you need to encounter the Bureaucracy of the Damned adventure to complete the quest. Choose to follow the pencilnecked demon. You will receive an item, which when used will give you the appropriate skill for your path (see below).
• The Bureaucracy of the Damned adventure happens N turns after you start adventuring in The Deep Fat Friars' Gate, and shows up again every 10 turns (although it does not always seem to be 10 turns, see the talk page for a complete example, including a detailed table.)

If you don't have all the items, Azazel tells you:

You follow the demon down through the inner city of Pandemonium, across a frozen lake, and up to Azazel's temple. Azazel hovers over a giant obsidian throne, a blur of swirling and flickering glaring eyes and sharp, sharp teeth.

"I heard that you might have recovered the talismans of my evil power," he says, his voice rumbling and whispering like a stampede of librarians. "Show me what you've got."

You do a few funky dance moves, then realize that's not what he was talking about. You pull out what you've found so far.

"Fool!" Azazel screams. "Your quest is not yet complete. Get out of here before I use your entrails for garland on my Crimbo tree, and your skin for a throw rug."

You scurry out of the throne room while your insides are still in and your outsides are still out.

If you have all the items:

You follow the demon down through the inner city of Pandemonium, across a frozen lake, and up to Azazel's temple. Azazel hovers over a giant obsidian throne, a blur of swirling and flickering glaring eyes and sharp, sharp teeth.

"I heard that you might have recovered the talismans of my evil power," he says, his voice rumbling and whispering like a stampede of librarians. "Show me what you've got."

"Talismans of evil power?" you say, incredulously. You pull out the purple plush unicorn, the bright, rainbow-colored lollipop, and the frilly pink tutu and lay them in front of him.

"You clearly don't understand the nature of evil," Azazel says, then addresses the stuffed unicorn. "Are you okay, Snookums? Did the bad demons hurt you? It's okay, you're safe with me now." He stops, realizes you're still there, and gruffly shouts "leave me to contemplate my evil plans!"

"Um," you say, "there was a reward, right? I mean, if not a reward for returning your dolly, your lolly, and your lacy underthings, at least a reward for not telling anybody."

"You dare to threaten the third most evil demon in Hey Deze?" Azazel shouts. "Very well, then, I shall give you your reward. Bear in mind that the rewards of Hey Deze are likely to be less than agreeable to a mortal weakling like yourself --" he pauses and chuckles evilly, then continues:

• If you aren't teetotaler or oxygenarian:

"When you drink this, it will turn your liver to steel! Henceforth, you will have to drink more alcohol to become inebriated! Ha ha ha!"

You acquire an item: steel margarita

You decide to get the Hey Deze out of Azazel's temple before he gives you any further "rewards".

• If you are a teetotaler:

"When you eat it, it will turn your stomach to steel! Henceforth, like Tantalus, you will have to eat more food than usual to feel full! Ha ha ha!"

You acquire an item: steel lasagna

You decide to get the Hey Deze out of Azazel's temple before he gives you any further "rewards".

• If you are an oxygenarian:

"When you smell this, it will turn your spleen to steel! Henceforth, you will be forced to consume more items that boost your power, until eventually the lust for power consumes you! Ha ha ha!"

You acquire an item: steel-scented air freshener

You decide to get the Hey Deze out of Azazel's temple before he gives you any further "rewards".

Notes

• If you drop a path before using the reward item, it will disappear from your inventory.
• If you drop a path after using a reward item, you will lose the skill granted by the reward item.
• If you complete the quest after freeing the king you will receive a Steel Margarita regardless of any prior path restrictions that run.
• This optional quest replaces the old rewards from the Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest (stomach, liver or spleen of steel). The mechanics of how the skills are obtained were also changed drastically.

References

• Azazel is the name of a demon first present in the Old Testament, and which occurs in many religions.
• Azazel's size is a reference to Isaac Asimov's stories about Azazel.
• The demon failing to write four-liners is a reference to Asimov's limericks, specifically this one: "A two-centimeter demon named Azazel / Has magical powers that dazzle. / But those who would strive / To get them derive / Nothing much and are beat to a frazzle."
• The title of the quest is a reference to the song "Michelle" by The Beatles, some of which is sung in French, including the line, "Michelle, ma belle," which means, "Michelle, my beautiful."
• In the fail message, "your insides are still in and your outsides are still out" is a reference to another Beatles song, "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey."
• The image of Azazel is based off of the character of the same name in Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics.
• His "blessings" are worded in a manner nigh-identical to a certain NPC in The Legend of Zelda, specifically Link's Awakening and Link to the Past; you would be "blessed," in the manner of "having to haul around all the extra stuff," i.e., increased capacity.
• The line "You dare to threaten the third most evil demon in Hey Deze?" is a reference to the Super Nintendo game EarthBound, where in an underground mine you must fight five giant moles of equal strength who all insist that they are the third strongest mole.
• The quest title "Angry <name>, this is Azazel in Hell" is a reference to the song "Angry Johnny" by Poe, which contains the line: "Johnny, Angry Johnny, this is Jezebel in Hell."
• The description of Azazel's voice (a rumbling whisper) is a reference to many death metal songs, where they "sing" as if they were whispering really loudly, colloquially known as "belch metal".
• Tantalus, in Greek mythology, was a man who served his son to the gods as the main course in a feast. As such, he was punished by standing in a lake with a fruit tree overhead. When he tried to take some of the fruit, the branches moved away from him, and when he tried to drink the water, it moved away before he could touch it.