ChibiBuddy™ Alignment Messages

The messages defend on the ChibiBuddy™'s alignment level:

1 Dot

• He summons a ChibiDemon™, and trades his soul for a pack of smokes.
• He picks up a machete and walks off-screen to the ChibiCellar™. You try not to hear the thudding and squishing ChibiNoises™ that follow.
• He studies a blueprint for building a ChibiPipeBomb™, smiling in a creepy way.
• He he gives orders to his minions. Where did he even get minions? Are they ChibiMinions™?
• He carves a ChibiPentagram™ into his forehead while death metal music pounds in the background.
• He stuffs razor blades into apples, preparing for next ChibiHalloween™.
• He signs the eviction notices for a ChibiOrphanage™, a ChibiConvent™, and a ChibiHomelessShelter™.
• He flips a switch and brings to life his unholy combination of a rabbit and a lobster. "I call him 'Rabster,'" he says, smiling evilly.
• He comes up from the ChibiCellar™ covered in ChibiBlood™ and carrying an ax.
• He puts the finishing touches on a ChibiDeathtrap™ that involves a crotch-seeking laser.

2 Dots

• He studies a blueprint for building a ChibiPipeBomb™, smiling in a creepy way.
• He is too busy affixing laser beams to ChibiShark™ heads to notice you.
• He carves a ChibiPentagram™ into his forehead while death metal music pounds in the background.
• He sacrifices a ChibiChicken™ to the dark forces. (If that disturbs you, pretend it's a rubber ChibiChicken™.)
• He summons a ChibiDemon™, and trades his soul for a pack of smokes.
• He lights his coffee table on fire just to watch it burn.
• He stuffs razor blades into apples, preparing for next ChibiHalloween™.

3 Dots

• He tests the trapdoor that drops into a tank full of ChibiPiranhas™.
• He cleans and sharpens his collection of axes and machetes.
• He studies hypnosis for a while, then hypnotizes a ChibiChicken™ and turns it homicidal.
• He glues thumbtacks to his toilet seat for the next time he has a guest over.
• He runs in, takes off a ski mask, and sets up the huge TV he just stole.
• He runs in, takes off a ski mask, and begins to count a bag of stolen money.
• He reads a book entitled "Puppy-Kicking for Dummies."

4 Dots

• He flips through an informational packet about volunteering at a soup kitchen.
• He cleans and sharpens his collection of axes and machetes.
• He runs in, takes off a ski mask, and sets up the huge TV he just stole.
• He glues thumbtacks to his toilet seat for the next time he has a guest over.
• He pours more fertilizer on his ChibiSize™ Venus Flytrap.
• He studies hypnosis for a while, then hypnotizes a ChibiChicken™ and turns it homicidal.
• He draws a ChibiPentagram™ in chalk on the floor and slits his ChibiPalm™ to drip blood in the middle.
• He puts gas in his ChibiChainsaw™ and makes sure it's primed and sharp enough to cut ChibiBone™.
• He tears the tag off a ChibiMattress™.
• He reads a book entitled "Puppy-Kicking for Dummies."
• He puts the finishing touches on his zombifying ChibiSerum™.
• He packs a bag with rubber gloves, coveralls, a length of rope, a ChibiBonesaw™, and some lye.
• He logs onto the Internet and posts a bunch of nasty, trolling comments everywhere.
• He thumbs through the ChibiNecronomicon™, chuckling occasionally.
• He tightens the bolts on the chainsaw arm of the evil ChibiRobot™ he's building.
• He tests the trapdoor that drops into a tank full of ChibiPiranhas™.

5 Dots

• He meditates for a few minutes, seeking enlightenment.
• He calls his grandma because he knows she would love to hear his voice.
• He switches his pixels for low-energy pixels to reduce his carbon footprint.
• He mails a check for 5 Meat to a Save the Whales foundation.
• He makes a sandwich and goes to give it to a homeless person.
• He flips through an informational packet about volunteering at a soup kitchen.
• He sorts his recycling into bins.
• He replaces his "burtal torture and lingering death" mousetraps with catch-and-release models.
• He calls his mom because he knows she worries if he doesn't.
• He starts a compost heap to fertilize his garden.
• He mails a check for 5 Meat to a Save the Rainforest foundation.
• He changes his Book of Faces avatar to support a good cause (without having to actually do anything).
• He pets the dog he's just rescued from a Humane Society.
• He invites a hungry orphan in to share lunch with him.
• He thumbs through a religious text, making notes on ways to be a better person.

6 Dots

• He donates a kidney to a sick orphan. I mean, ChibiBuddies™ come with an extra ChibiKidney™, but it's still a nice gesture.
• He writes a philosophical treatise on the nature of virtue.
• He hires some hobos to clean his house and pays them a fair wage with free lunch.
• He volunteers for hours at the local Ghoul Ghoulash kitchen.
• He organizes a social media campaign to raise awareness about Goblin Plague.
• He writes a check for 1,000 Meat to a Save the Whales foundation.
• He makes a sandwich and goes to give it to a homeless person.
• He replaces his "burtal torture and lingering death" mousetraps with catch-and-release models.
• He flips through an informational packet about volunteering at a soup kitchen.
• He switches his pixels for low-energy pixels to reduce his carbon footprint.
• He thumbs through a religious text, making notes on ways to be a better person.
• He calls his grandma because he knows she would love to hear his voice.
• He pets the dog he's just rescued from a Humane Society.
• He sorts his recycling into bins.
• He starts a compost heap to fertilize his garden.
• He invites a hungry orphan in to share lunch with him.
• He mails a check for 5 Meat to a Save the Rainforest foundation.
• He writes a check for 1,000 Meat to a Save the Rainforest foundation.
• He volunteers at a local Humane Society and donates some meat to the cause.
• He goes through his closet and collects a load of clothes to donate to charity.

7 Dots

• He writes a check for 1,000 Meat to a Save the Whales foundation.
• He writes a philosophical treatise on the nature of virtue.
• He meditates for an hour, sitting motionless, even rising an inch or two off the floor.
• He runs for public office with a positive, informative campaign and a genuine desire to improve people's lives. He loses, but it's the thought that counts.
• He goes through his closet and collects a load of clothes to donate to charity.
• He writes a check for 1,000 Meat to a Save the Rainforest foundation.
• He volunteers at a local Humane Society and donates some meat to the cause.
• He donates a kidney to a sick orphan. I mean, ChibiBuddies™ come with an extra ChibiKidney™, but it's still a nice gesture.
• He organizes a social media campaign to raise awareness about Goblin Plague.
• He volunteers for hours at the local Ghoul Ghoulash kitchen.
• He sells his flat-screen TV for money to donate to widows and orphans.
• He hires some hobos to clean his house and pays them a fair wage with free lunch.
• He writes a check for 1,000 Meat to a Save the Rainforest from the Whales foundation.
• He volunteers time and donates money to help disabled Frat/Hippy War vets.
• He takes a group of foster kids for a day at ChibiLand™ the Chibi-est Place on Earth™.

8 Dots

• He forgives anyone who has ever wronged him and encourages all around him to do the same.
• He manages, for a few brief minutes, to transcend the self and see the world from a universal perspective.
• He moves out of his house so it can be turned into an orphanage.
• He donates all his Meat to a Save the Rainforest foundation.
• He goes on a non-violent hunger strike for Peace on the Mysterious Island of Mystery.
• He gives the shirt off his back to a homeless person.
• He writes a religious text calling for selflessness and sacrifice. His followers will probably screw it up, but it's full of good ideas.
• He meditates for hours, feeling no heat or cold, his heartbeat slowed, breathing barely perceptible.
• He donates one of his ChibiEyes™ to a blind man, and has to be restrained from donating his other one, too.
• He opens a homeless shelter in his ChibiHouse™.
• He he^[sic] sells all his possessions and gives the proceeds to the poor.
• He moves out of his house so a needy family can move in.
• He contemplates his life free of regret or attachment to physical possessions.
• He donates all his Meat to a Save the Whales foundation.
• He donates all his Meat to a Save the Rainforest from the Whales foundation.
• He donates a ChibiLung™ to a transplant patient, and has to be restrained from donating his other one, too.

9 Dots

• He contemplates his life free of regret or attachment to physical possessions.
• He donates a ChibiLung™ to a transplant patient, and has to be restrained from donating his other one, too.
• He moves out of his house so it can be turned into an orphanage.
• He goes on a non-violent hunger strike for Peace on the Mysterious Island of Mystery.
• He gives the shirt off his back to a homeless person.
• He donates all his Meat to a Save the Whales foundation.
• He donates all his Meat to a Save the Rainforest foundation.
• He moves out of his house so a needy family can move in.
• He donates all his Meat to a Save the Rainforest from the Whales foundation.
• He meditates for hours, feeling no heat or cold, his heartbeat slowed, breathing barely perceptible.
• He manages, for a few brief minutes, to transcend the self and see the world from a universal perspective.
• He donates one of his ChibiEyes™ to a blind man, and has to be restrained from donating his other one, too.
• He he sells all his possessions and gives the proceeds to the poor.
• He writes a religious text calling for selflessness and sacrifice. His followers will probably screw it up, but it's full of good ideas.
• He forgives anyone who has ever wronged him and encourages all around him to do the same.
• He opens a homeless shelter in his ChibiHouse™.