ChibiBuddy™ To-do List Messages

Your ChibiBuddy™ performs random actions every rollover. The first time you activate him after a rollover, you'll see:

<name>'s been busy since you last saw him! He crossed some items off his to-do list:

This will be followed by 3(?) random actions, each of which increases or decreases one of his stats.

If there have been multiple rollovers since your last interaction with him, then you'll see:

And what looks like some older to-do items from further back:

This will be followed by however many random actions occurred during the time you neglected him.

Random actions

• A bloomin' onion a day keeps my sadness at bay (-fitness)
• Accept all friend requests on the Book of Faces (+socialization)
• Add new friends to the Book of Faces (+socialization)
• Add peanut butter to everything I eat (-fitness)
• Add weight loss supplements to meal-replacement shakes (+fitness)
• Adopt a cat and feed and groom it (+alignment)
• Adopt a dog and shower it with affection (+alignment)
• Adopt dozens of orphan dogs and cats; shower with affection (+alignment)
• Answer all emails and instant messages (+socialization)
• Answer all queries with single-word responses or noncommittal grunts (-socialization)
• Ask what you can learn from others rather than what you can teach them (?)
• Attend a fancy dinner party with ten of my closest friends (+socialization)
• Attend a raging kegger (+socialization)
• Avoid books about sparkly vampires and sexy ghosts (+intelligence)
• Avoid changing yourself for the better. Others should appreciate you for the horrible jerk you are. (-socialization)
• Bail on plans with friends at the last minute (-socialization)
• Bang head against the wall every time I have a deep thought (-intelligence)
• Be able to name more science fiction characters than past political leaders (-intelligence)
• Beat up hobos (-alignment)
• Begin to suspect that other people are using you (-socialization)
• Bilk nuns out of money they raised for charity (-alignment)
• Blame others for your own shortcomings (-alignment)
• Broker peace between hippies and frat boys (+alignment)
• Broker peace between Knob Goblins and Gnolls (+alignment)
• Brood over those who have wronged you in the past and resolve not to trust anyone again (?)
• Build a better mousetrap (+intelligence)
• Build a machine that makes fart noises as it kicks people in the crotch (-intelligence?)
• Build a nuclear fusion generator (+intelligence)
• Build a perpetual-motion machine (+intelligence)
• Build working rocket engine (+intelligence)
• Buy a friend a special "thinking of you" present (+socialization)
• Buy a hot meal for a homeless person (+alignment)
• Buy the Knob Goblin Chef a new spatula (+alignment)
• Call a friend just to chat (+socialization)
• Cancel social obligations because you're "too tired" (-socialization)
• Capture spider in the shower and release it outside rather than squashing it (+alignment)
• Care more about reality competitions than national elections (-intelligence)
• Cause the extinction of a species of animal (-alignment)
• Change Book of Faces status to support hippy/frat boy peace (+alignment)
• Chew out anyone who attempts to do something nice for you (-socialization)
• Choose an evening at home over a night with friends every time (-socialization)
• Compliment the Gnollish Crossdresser's new dress (+alignment)
• Compose a book of interlocking sonnets (+intelligence)
• Compose a dirty limerick (-alignment?)
• Compose a haiku for the Ninja Snowmen (+alignment?)
• Constantly have multiple forms of stimulus playing; watch movies while surfing the web while reading while ooo shiny (-intelligence)
• Continue to be too nervous to talk to that adorable ChibiGirl™ next door (-socialization)
• Continue to not smoke (+fitness)
• Convince yourself that you're fine and you don't need help from anyone (?)
• Cook dinner for your twenty closest friends (+socialization)
• Count bouncing up and down on the couch because I've had too much caffeine as exercise (-fitness)
• Create self-fulfilling prophecy--realize no one will hang out with you because you're angry and bitter, and get more angry and bitter because of it (-socialization)
• Create your own fractal (+intelligence)
• Cultivate bitterness and resentment against those who have accomplished more than you have (-socialization)
• Cultivate shallowness (-intelligence)
• Cure a form of cancer (+intelligence)
• Cure freckles (+intelligence)
• Debate trolls on the internet (-intelligence)
• Do 20 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, and 20 jumping jacks before bed every night (+fitness)
• Do 100 push-ups every time I think about spending any time idle (+fitness)
• Do 100 sit-ups every time I eat a single grape (+fitness)
• Do as many push-ups as you can every day, currently at 2 (+fitness?)
• Do not view "serving size" as a ridiculous suggestion (+fitness)
• Don't count calories (-fitness)
• Don't count calories consumed after 9 p.m. (-fitness)
• Don't count calories consumed hovering over the kitchen sink (-fitness)
• Don't poke smartphone instead of having conversations (?)
• Don't respond to email, voicemail, mail-mail, or chain mail (-socialization)
• Don't reward self with ice cream for making it all day without eating any ice cream (+fitness)
• Don't smile or wave at strangers (-socialization)
• Don't watch any "reality" shows, except for critically acclaimed documentaries, which are totally different (+intelligence)
• Double-park (-alignment)
• Drink meal-replacement shake as beverage with a meal (-fitness)
• Drink my body weight in Mountain Stream soda (-fitness)
• Drive car to the corner store, even though it's about a hundred meters away (-fitness)
• Drive really fast in the slow lane (-alignment)
• Dump toxic waste near playground (-alignment)
• Eat a peanut butter, butter, lard, and bacon fat sandwich with cheese (-fitness)
• Eat a taco in front of a starving homeless person (-alignment)
• Eat an entire bag of Cheat-Os for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (-fitness)
• Eat an entire quart-sized jar of mayonnaise (-fitness)
• Eat entire bucket of the cracklin's that fall off of fried chicken (-fitness)
• Eat more BLTs, with less B and more LT (-fitness)
• Eat more healthy baked potatoes with healthy sour cream and bacon crumbles (-fitness)
• Eat more salad with more ranch dressing and shredded cheese on it (-fitness)
• Eat only at the table and at mealtimes. No more handfuls of shredded cheese over the sink! (+fitness)
• Eat three meals a day--eliminate second breakfast, elevensies, afternoon tea, and dinner (+fitness)
• Eat twelve bacon pizzas with extra cheese and cheese and bacon baced^[sic] into a crust I will then dip in bacon ranch dressing (-fitness)
• Eat veal and pate foi gras ten times a day (-alignment)
• Embezzle millions of meat from charitable corporations (-alignment)
• Encourage Knob Goblin Chefs to explore cruelty-free vegan options (?)
• Enforce opinions by only reading websites that already agree with me (?)
• Every time I get the urge to exercise, lie down until it goes away (-fitness)
• Evict orphans from their orphanage (-alignment)
• Fear and hate anyone who looks, acts, or believes something different than you (?)
• Feed kittens to a kitten-eating demon (-alignment)
• Fit desk with treadmill, kitchen sink with treadmill, toilet with treadmill (+fitness)
• Forgive anyone who has ever wronged me (+alignment)
• Get all information in factoid form (-intelligence)
• Get disproportionately offended at gentle ribbing and/or criticism (-socialization)
• Give shrugs, not hugs (-socialization)
• Give spare meat to a homeless person (+alignment)
• Give the middle finger to anyone you meet today (-socialization)
• Glue model airplanes in a room with inadequate ventilation (-intelligence?)
• Go on a ski holiday with a dozen friends even though you don't ski (+socialization)
• Go out alone and make at least one new friend (+socialization)
• Go to a party, brood against the wall so everyone knows I'm not enjoying myself (-socialization)
• Go to three parties in a single night (+socialization)
• Grow at least three more chins (-fitness)
• Have a dinner party with a different friend every night this week (+socialization)
• Heh, boners (-intelligence)
• Help the Gnollish Tire Juggler shine his whitewalls (+alignment)
• Hold a giant rave for your two hundred closest friends (+socialization)
• Hold breath until you get dizzy and pass out, at least twice a day (-intelligence?)
• Hold your breath until you pass out (-intelligence?)
• Hug a bugbear (+alignment)
• Insult someone online (-alignment?)
• Insult your friends and insist you're just joking around when they get offended (-socialization)
• Invent a device for flawlessly applying sunscreen to one's own back (?)
• Invite a friend out to brunch (+socialization)
• Jog briskly in place for a few minutes each morning (+fitness)
• Jog everywhere, even to the TV to change channels (+fitness)
• Keep doing the same thing and expect different results (-intelligence)
• Lead a chiefly sedentary lifestyle, moving from chair to chair and staring at screens all day (-fitness)
• Learn enough about sports to fake your way through a conversation with a fan (+socialization?)
• Learn how to make pictures with fusion beads (+intelligence)
• Learn to crochet (+intelligence)
• Learn to distill your own liquor (+intelligence)
• Learn to program a computer to say "What's Up, Bro?" (+intelligence)
• Learn to start a fire with only two sticks, one of which is a match (+intelligence?)
• Learn to tie a larkshead knot (+intelligence)
• Leave toilet seat up after use (-alignment)
• Lift weights as much as physically possible, replace weight bench with additional treadmill to run while lifting (+fitness)
• Limit bacon consumption to two slices a day (+fitness)
• Limit interpersonal interactions to trolling on comment boards (-socialization)
• Limit time spent poking various digital devices (+socialization)
• Listen only to music made by winners or runners-up of reality tv shows (-intelligence)
• Listen to an uplifting symphony and stay awake the whole time (+intelligence?)
• Listen to complex indie music by obscure bands (+intelligence?)
• Listen to only classical music (+intelligence)
• Listen to people with differing opinions without insulting them (?)
• Make a BLT, only with more bacon instead of the lettuce and tomato, and deep-fried chicken breasts instead of bread (-fitness)
• Make a cocktail out of rendered bacon fat and vodka (-fitness)
• Make a Faustian pact for whiter, brighter teeth and more lustruous hair (-alignment)
• Make a hamburger using two pizzas as the bun (-fitness)
• Make fortune; give it all to charity (+alignment)
• Make mistakes; don't learn from them (-intelligence)
• Memorize every grammar rule, no matter how obscure (+intelligence)
• Memorize every important event in the History of Loathing (+intelligence)
• Memorize pi to a thousand digits (+intelligence)
• Memorize Shakespeare (+intelligence)
• Micromanage underlings (?)
• No snacks, sweets, or seconds, except on days starting with 'S' (+fitness)
• Only consume humor in fart joke form (-intelligence)
• Only consume humor in pun form (-intelligence)
• Only listen to top forty music (-intelligence)
• Only read cereal boxes (-intelligence)
• Only read magazines with short sentences about celebrity gossip (-intelligence)
• Paint a beautiful painting that brings joy to everyone who sees it (+alignment)
• Paint obscene graffiti over beautiful mural (-alignment)
• Pass gas in elevator; blame someone else (-alignment?)
• Perform a hit-and-run and a drive-by shooting in the same day (-alignment)
• Perform neurosurgery (+intelligence)
• Play a drinking game where I drink an entire 2-liter of soda every time I think about exercise (-fitness)
• Play complicated strategy board games instead of video games (+intelligence)
• Play single-player games instead of multi-player (-socialization)
• Play video games 24/7 (?)
• Play video games about walking, riding a bicycle, skateboarding instead of doing any of those things (-fitness)
• Poison pigeons in the park (-alignment)
• Pop a kid's balloon (-alignment)
• Put at least a pound of bacon in everything I eat (-fitness)
• Read a serious book that deals with real-life issues and stay awake the whole time (+intelligence)
• Read and post comments on internet videos (?)
• Read books instead of surfing the internet (+intelligence)
• Read graphic novels instead of comic books (+intelligence)
• Read great literature instead of graphic novels (+intelligence)
• Read more Neil Gaiman, less Rob Leifeld (+intelligence)
• Read only serious non-fiction books (+intelligence)
• Read the manual before asking questions (+intelligence)
• Remain oblivious to flirtation (-socialization)
• Remember pain is just weakness leaving the body, and diarrhea is just fat leaving the body (+fitness)
• Remember that everyone else is just a mindless cog in a corporate machine and only you are special (?)
• Remember that love is nothing but mindless chemical firing in the brain and you don't need it (?)
• Remember that no one is real except you (-socialization)
• Remember that nothing tastes as good as being fit feels, even bacon (+fitness)
• Remember that people are disposable tools to help you reach your goals (-alignment)
• Replace all fruit and vegetables in diet with cheese or meat molded to look like same (-fitness)
• Replace all meals with protein powder, kale, and treadmill-running (+fitness)
• Replace all snacks with running on a treadmill (+fitness)
• Replace bacon ranch salad dressing with spritz of white wine vinaigrette (+fitness)
• Replace cookies with apples (+fitness)
• Replace desk chair with treadmill (+fitness)
• Replace fried chicken with baked chicken (+fitness)
• Replace high-impact yoga class with fatal-impact yoga class (?)
• Replace morning bacon break with apple slices (+fitness)
• Replace orange for afternoon snack with 2-liter of orange soda (-fitness)
• Replace stout beer with light beer (+fitness)
• Replace yogurt with fat-free yogurt (+fitness)
• Respond to all social overtures with "meh" (-socialization)
• Respond to questions with thoughtful answer and a question (+intelligence?)
• Risk own life to save someone else's (+alignment)
• Rob candy store (-alignment)
• Rob toy store (-alignment)
• Round up homeless for medical experiments (-alignment)
• Run a marathon every time I eat a spoonful of wheat germ (+fitness)
• Run marathons instead of walking to the corner store for snacks (+fitness)
• Say, "how 'bout this heat?" every time it's hot outside (?)
• Say yes to all social invitations (+socialization)
• Scratch the L Imp under his cast with a coat hanger (+alignment?)
• Search the Internet before asking stupid questions (+intelligence)
• See how long I can sit on the couch before I develop bedsores (-fitness)
• Seek non-violent resolution between the Naughty Sorceress and the Council of Loathing (+alignment)
• Send the Council a telegram saying they're doing a great job (+alignment)
• Send "thinking of you" bouquets to your twenty closest friends (+socialization)
• Seriously consider going vegetarian (+fitness?)
• Shrink attention span until (-intelligence)
• Sit at home alone in the dark until you start to enjoy it or at least accept it (-socialization)
• Smile and wave to strangers (+socialization)
• Smile at a homeless person (+alignment?)
• Smoke at least a pack a day, maybe two on good days (-fitness)
• Solve Fermat's Last Theorem (+intelligence)
• Spend all money on presents for sick children (+alignment)
• Spend as much time on the treadmill as I do asleep at night (+fitness)
• Spend hours a day playing video games (-intelligence?)
• Spend less time in the chat for the Best Game Ever (-socialization)
• Spend time in the chat of the Best Game Ever (+socialization)
• Start a foundation for adventurers alienated by new quest content (?)
• Start a podcast with some friends (+socialization)
• Start compost heap to reduce landfill waste (+alignment)
• Start watching reality tv (-intelligence)
• Stay up all night drinking, go to a noon barbeque and a night time party the next day (+socialization)
• Stay up until dawn partying with your twenty closest friends (+socialization)
• Steal candy from a baby (-alignment)
• Steal from the poor and give to the rich (-alignment)
• Steal from the rich and keep it (-alignment)
• Stew about how successful you could be if everyone else didn't stop screwing you over (-socialization)
• Stop showering and grooming to cultivate nasty odor (-socialization)
• Strike up a conversation with a sexy stranger (+socialization)
• Strike up a conversation with a stranger (+socialization)
• Subsist on air, rice cakes, and running marathons (+fitness)
• Suffer without complaint for a noble cause (+alignment)
• Super-size every meal and add fries (-fitness)
• Suspect that other people don't have the same depth of thought or emotion as I do (-socialization)
• Switch pixels to low-energy pixels to reduce carbon footprint (+alignment)
• Take first place in an Entire-Ham-Eating contest (-fitness)
• Take the elevator to the mezzanine, chump, to avoid going up half flight of stairs (-fitness)
• Talk to a woman without trying to get in her pants, or any of her other clothing, because they never fit quite right (+socialization?)
• Taste the lead paint to see if it's as sweet as advertised (-intelligence)
• Tear the tags off of mattresses (-alignment)
• Tell all friends, enemies, and strangers what you REALLY think of them (-socialization)
• Tell jokes to break the ice at a party (+socialization)
• Tell white lies, possibly even pink ones (-alignment?)
• Throw a party and invite everyone you know (+socialization)
• Throw a raging kegger with, like, bands and everything. Awesome. (+socialization)
• Throw yourself a huge birthday party, buy presents for all the guests (+socialization)
• Tie damsel to railroad tracks (-alignment)
• Torture minions (-alignment)
• Train for pie eating contest by eating four entire pies (-fitness)
• Treat loose-fitting clothes as a challenge to be met with increased cheese consumption (-fitness)
• Turn down all invitations for socializing to sit alone playing video games (-socialization)
• Try to awaken sleeping Elder Gods (-alignment)
• Use all the toilet paper; don't replace the roll (-alignment)
• Use traditional video game controllers instead of motion-based ones, conserve precious calories (-fitness)
• View "serving size" as a challenge (-fitness)
• Visit celebrity gossip sites instead of news sites (-intelligence)
• Volunteer time and money to save the Rainforest (+alignment)
• Volunteer time and money to save the whales (+alignment)
• Volunteer time and money to save the whales in the Rainforest (+alignment?)
• Volunteer to polish the marble on the Council of Loathing building (+alignment)
• Walk around house instead of riding scooter (+fitness)
• Walk to the corner store instead of driving (+fitness)
• Wash and wax all of your dozen closest friends' cars (+socialization)
• Watch critically acclaimed dramas instead of reality tv (+intelligence)
• Watch films that have symbolism and depth (+intelligence)
• Watch only documentary films (+intelligence)
• Watch only movies that feature hilarious crotch-punching or fat guys falling down (-intelligence)
• Watch only professional wrestling (-intelligence)
• Watch only reality tv shows (-intelligence)
• Watch thoughtful sci-fi movies with symbolism and junk (+intelligence)
• Write a beautiful love song about Susie the Arena Mistress (?)
• Write Crimbo cards to every friend and acquaintance (+socialization)
• Write letter to Loathing Herald-Times-Tribune-Messenger about civil rights abuses in Knob Goblin Menagerie (+alignment)
• Write mean responses to happy Book of Faces posts (-socialization?)

Notes

• The random actions are displayed with strikethrough markup.
• Random actions always move a stat away from center. A low stat will trigger an action that decreases the stat further; a high stat will trigger an action that increases it.

References

• Fermat's Last Theorem was an unsolved conjecture from 1637 until 1995.
• Poisoning Pigeons in the Park is a Tom Lehrer song (1959).
• "Take the elevator to the mezzanine, chump" is an excerpt from the lyrics of Soul Coughing's 1996 song "Super Bon Bon".