Clingy pirate (female)
| Clingy pirate | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 626 |
| Locations | The F'c'le |
| Hit Points | 90 |
| Attack | 100 |
| Defense | 90 |
| No-Hit | 110 |
| Initiative | 50 |
| Meat | 52-78 |
| Phylum | pirate |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | arm, head, leg, torso |
| Drops | bit of clingfilm |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a clingy pirateAs you wander the deck of the pirate ship, a female pirate walks up and grabs you by the arm. "There you are, honey!" she says.
"Yup, here I am," you reply, "and I really should be continuing this quest, so I'll just --"
She tightens her grip. "Where are you going? How long will you be gone? I'll miss you! Do you have your cell phone with you? Don't look at any other pirates, okay?"
You make another attempt to pry her off of your arm, and she bursts into tears. "I see how you are! You just aren't invested in this relationship, are you?"
"What relationshi-- ow!"
Hit Message(s):
"Why do you close your eyes when we make love?" she shouts, clinging to your arm hard enough to leave a bruise. Ouch! Ow! Argh!
"Did you just check out that chatty pirate's booty?" she screams, and slaps you. Ugh! Eek! Ow!
She calls you an adorable nickname. All the other pirates laugh at you, and you cry inside. Eek! Argh! Oof! Ouch!
She makes you hold her purse while she does some shopping. You die a little inside. Eek! Ow! Argh!
She clings tightly to you, professes her undying love, then shouts at you while slapping you back and forth across the face. You're nonplussed, but not uninjured. Argh! Ugh! Eek! Ooh!
She clings tightly to you. It's not altogether unpleasant, to be honest.
She catches you checking out another pirate's booty, but you explain you were only interested in looting it.
She tries to baby-talk you into a corner, but nobody puts baby-talk in a corner.
She tries to get you to hold her purse, but you purse your lips and refuse.
She stops clinging to you, declares that she's decided to move on with her life and seek out more healthy relationships, then apologizes, bursts into tears, and begs you to take her back. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 52-78 Meat (average: 65, stdev: 5.7)* |
 | You acquire an item: bit of clingfilm (11.0% chance)* |
| You gain 25 <substat>. |
Occurs at The F'c'le
Notes
- Only occurs for male characters.
- Using a cocktail napkin on this monster seemingly results in banishing it from the area for approximately 20 adventures, with the following message:
- "Oh, hey, umm, yeah," you say, "I, like, lost my phone, and I had to change my number. Here, lemme give you the new one."
- You quickly scribble a random phone number onto the napkin and hand it to the clingy pirate. She beams, and says "Well, okay! Okay, great! So, yeah, I'll give you a call soon! Bye!" before wandering off to a different part of the ship.
References
- "Nobody puts baby-talk in a corner" is a play on the often quoted line "Nobody puts Baby in a corner" from the 1987 movie Dirty Dancing, starring Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey.
