Daffy Taffy Jokes

Here are represented all the names and jokes reported so far from Daffy Taffy wrappers, largely taken from the Daffy Taffy talk page. Please continue to report entries for any or all of the sections below. If you aren't confident about following the formatting, mention your addition(s) on this page's talk page.

There are three distinct forms of Daffy Taffy Joke, here referred to as Randomly Generated Jokes, Knock-Knock Jokes, and Riddles. Randomly Generated Jokes take a basic joke structure and fill randomly selected words into the question and answer. Knock-Knock Jokes similarly fill a randomly selected word into a standard knock-knock joke, but are considered separately because they don't follow the same question/answer structure as the other jokes. Riddles, on the other hand, make no random word selections. Instead, approximately 110 jokes have been divided into a question and an answer, and one of each is selected at random from the set; less than 1% of the time will the answer be correct for the question.

All jokes are preceded by the line:

You chew on the taffy while you read the joke on the label. This one was apparently sent in by <name>, age <#>.

Names are chosen randomly from a set of first and last names, and ages are chosen randomly from the integers 4 through 14. Following all jokes is the line:

It's just... not funny. Oh well. At least the candy was marginally tasty.

Names

Names are chosen randomly from the following lists.

First Names

Adolf	Agamemnon	Belinda	Billy	Bobby-Sue	Bramlet	Brett	Charles	Chester	Chet
Chim	Coquette	Curly	Curly Ann	Curly Sue	Damien	Darth	Davey	Dirk	Elvis
Frankie	Genghis	Greta	Hans	Jimmy	Joey	Katie	Lenny	Lester	Little Orphan
Lisa	Monique	Moose	Mortimer	Paul	Paula	Phoebe	Raquel	Samuel	Saul
Scud	Simon	Spike	Spot	Suzie	Timmy	Vlad	Wesley	Zeke	Zoey

Last Names

Abercrombie	Botula	Boytheberg	Burytonworthhamshireford	Cheffingsworthton	Chiltonworth	Clampett	Coopersmithsworth
Crumpleington	Frampleton	Fromme	Goldbergstein	Grommelsham-Smythe	Hallsdingdingdingworth	Hollingsworth-Jones	Hornswoggle-Upton-Smith
Kaleidoscopeson	Langerham	Lipperton	Lipschitz	Longstockings	Mangersonson	Manningtonbury	Manson
Morgansternbury	Morningtonbury	Mussolini	Paddlesworth	Peppersmith	Pickerington	Pinkpants	Quimper
Richels	Shortstockings	Smith	Stringleberry	Strumpleford	Symingtonsworth	Talbertson	Wibbleford

Age range: 4-14 with no discernible pattern.

Randomly Generated Jokes

Some jokes are constructed by inserting words from a "random words" list into pre-constructed structures. A list of the known structures follows.

Skeletons

Question	Possible Answer(s)
Q: What did the ___ say to the ___ ?	A: "No thanks, I'm stuffed!"
	A: "I don't know either, but it was undoubtedly something humorous."
	A: "Stick with me, and we'll go places."
	A: "Look busy, here comes the ___!"
	A: "Why should I be, I'm a ___"
	A: "___? That's what she said!"
	A: "Give back the ___ or I'll kill you where you stand!"
	A: "Get that ___ away from my ___!"
	A: "___'d im? Damn near killed 'im!"
	A: "That was no ___, that was my wife!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a ___ with a ___ ?	A: A ___!
Q: When is a ___ not a ___?	A: When it's a ___!

Does your joke contain one of the above structures, with the blanks filled by any of the following words? Then it is probably randomly generated, and you don't need to worry about what the real question corresponding to the given answer -- or the real answer to the given question -- might be. You also don't need to add any of it to this page.

Random words
55-gallon drum of kerosene
anteater
baby gravy fairy, backhoe, black hole, blender, bottle of gin, boy, brain surgeon, budgerigar, bugbear, bum
cannibal, cat, chartered accountant, cleaver, concert pianist
Dalai Lama, democrat, diaper rash, dog, donkey, door, dung beetle
femur, frat boy
girl, gnoll, gnome, gorgonzola, goth, gourd, gnuaga, grue, gumdrop
haggis, hamburger, harpsichord, helicopter, hippy, hobo, horse, howitzer
jackdaw, jellyfish
kangaroo, knob goblin
lederhosen, lemur
monkey
nebula, nun
origami crane
performance artist, person of different social standing, phlegm, pink carnation, piston engine, planet, platypus, Pope, porcupine, pugilist
racial stereotype, radish, raven, raver, rectal polyp, republican, rhinoceros, rook
scorpion, sheep, shrimp fork, skunk, square dancer, stegosaurus, straight-razor, superhero, supervillain
technophile, theoretical physicist, tibia, toaster, tube of lip balm, tyrannosaurus rex
vacuum cleaner
window, whippoorwill, whirling dervish, wooly mammoth
xylophone
yeti
zamboni driver, zebra

Knock-knock jokes

All of the knock-knocks seem to follow the pattern:

Knock knock!

Who's there?

___ .

___ who?

[punchline]

The word that goes in the blank is drawn from the "Random words" list above, and punchlines are taken from the list below. Observed punchlines are accompanied by the word that would traditionally fill the blank.

Punchline	Word
___ anyone ever answer the door?	Dozen
___ hand, I can't be expected to do it all by myself !	Linda
___ the trunk, you pack-a the suitcase.	Alpaca
___ the bathtub, I'm dwowning!	Dwayne
___ to go knocking on my door in the middle of the night !	Teacher
___ you glad I didn't say "banana?"	Orange
Don't cry, it's only a joke!	Boo
___-wall carpeting!	Walter
___ through the keyhole and see!	Luke
___ you like to hear another knock knock joke?	Howard
___ your underwear!	Icy

Traditionally, of course, the "orange" joke would be drawn out, with many repetitions of "Banana." "Banana who?"

Riddles

Complete riddles

Note that this is a list of correct question-answer pairs, and the game actually gives you a random question and random answer that likely have nothing to do with each other.

Question	Answer
Q: Patient: Doctor Doctor I only have 59 seconds to live	A: Doctor: I'll be with you in a minute sir
Q: 2 antennas got married.	A: The ceremony wasn't much good...but the reception was amazing!
Q: If all the cars in the country were pink, what would we have?	A: A pink car-nation!
Q: Did you hear about the man that died from furniture polish?	A: He had a lovely finish.
Q: How do you know which end is a worm's face?	A: Tickle it and see which end laughs!
Q: How do you stop a rhino from charging?	A: Take away his credit card !
Q: How do you catch a Squirrel?	A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
Q: How do you upset a squirrel?	A: Pinch his nuts!
Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to get earrings?	A: A buccaneer
Q: What begins with t ends in t and has t in it?	A: Tea pot
Q: What did one candle say to the other candle?	A: Are you going out tonight?
Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to the court room?	A: Odour in the court!
Q: What did the one firefly say to the other when his light went out?	A: Give me a push,my battery is dead!
Q: What do a tree and a dog have in common?	A: Bark!
Q: What do footballers drink?	A: Penal tea!
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?	A: No idea
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is stupid?	A: A thick-a-saurus.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?	A: Doesn't matter - he's not coming anyway!
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?	A: Fsh!
Q: What do you call a flying skunk?	A: A smellacopter!
Q: What do you call a man lying in a pile of leaves?	A: Russell!
Q: What do you call a sheep that has been hit by lightning?	A: Electric Blanket!
Q: What do you call a skeleton that won't get out of bed?	A: Lazy Bones!
Q: What do you call an under water spy?	A: James Pond.
Q: What do you call Bears with no ears?	A: B.
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat and a lemon?	A: A sour puss!!!!
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?	A: A walkie talkie!
Q: What do you get when you cross a camera with a crocodile.	A: A snap shot!
Q: What do you say to a dead robot?	A: Rust in peace !!!!!!!!
Q: What do you serve but can not eat?	A: A tennis ball
Q: What does a baby snake play with?	A: A rattlesnake!
Q: What time should you go to the dentist?	A: Tooth-hurty!
Q: What did the termite say to the bartender?	A: Is the bar tender here?
Q: What game has 4 letters and begins with a "T"?	A: Golf!
Q: What goes zzub zzub?	A: A bee flying backwards!!!
Q: What happended[sic] when the owl lost his voice?	A: He didn't give a hoot!
Q: What happened to the frogs car?	A: It got toad away!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?	A: A garbage truck!
Q: Whats black and white and red all over?	A: A newspaper!
Q: What's black, white and red all over?	A: An embarrassed zebra!
Q: What is black, white, and red all over ?	A: A sun burnt penguin!!
Q: What kind of key doesn't open a door?	A: A mon-key!
Q: What kind of wig can hear?	A: An earwig!
Q: What the difference between a bird and a fly?	A: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
Q: What type of footwear do bananas make?	A: Slippers!
Q: What's a Gorilla's favourite month?	A: Ape-ril!
Q: What is a snake's favourite school subject ?	A: Hiss-tory!
Q: What's a snakes favourite subject?	A: Hissss tory!
Q: What's brown and sticky?	A: A Stick!!!
Q: What is the longest word in the world?	A: Smiles: Because it has a mile in it!
Q: What kind of trees do plumbers plant?	A: Toiletries.
Q: What did the baby giraffe say to his big brother?	A: I'm glad I've got someone to look up to!
Q: What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?	A: Dam!
Q: What animal wears underwear?	A: A z-bra.
Q: What did one melon say to the other melon?	A: Lets get married, we cantaloupe.
Q: What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?	A: Lost!
Q: What do you call it when an ice-cream sundae makes a fast exit?	A: Banana spilt[sic]!
Q: What's a hippo's favourite dessert?	A: Hippopotamousse!
Q: What do you call a dumb skeleton?	A: A numbskull!
Q: What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific?	A: Nothing, it just waved !
Q: What do you call a snowman in the desert?	A: A puddle.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?	A: An impasta!
Q: Whats yellow and points north?	A: A magnetic banana!
Q: What did the mother bee say to the baby bee?	A: Beehive yourself!
Q: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?	A: A penguin rolling down a hill!
Q: What do you give a sick bird?	A: Tweetment!
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snow man?	A: Frost bite!
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?	A: See you at the corner!
Q: What has a bottom at the top?	A: Your legs!
Q: What do vampires eat for breakfast?	A: Dreaded Wheat!
Q: What did the driver say to the one-legged hitchhiker?	A: Hop in!!
Q: What starts with e and ends with e and only has 1 letter?	A: An Envelope!
Q: When is a door not a door?	A: When it's a jar!
Q: When do elephants have eight legs?	A: When there are two of them!
Q: Where do dogs leave their cars?	A: In the barking lot!
Q: Where do frogs keep their money?	A: In the River Bank!
Q: Where do pigs keep their money?	A: In a piggy bank!
Q: Where does a 400 pound gorilla sit?	A: Anywhere he wants!
Q: Which is faster: heat or cold?	A: Heat, because you can catch a cold!
Q: Which side of a sheep has the most wool?	A: The Outside
Q: Which snake is good at math?	A: An Adder!
Q: Who designed King Arthur's Round Table?	A: Sir Cumference!
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?	A: To get to the moovies.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?	A: Because chickens weren't invented yet.
Q: Why did the snowman stand on the marshmallow?	A: So that he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate!
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?	A: Beacuse[sic] they don't know the words!
Q: Why is six afraid of seven?	A: Because 789!
Q: Why are fish afraid of computers?	A: Because of the Internet!
Q: Why cant cinderella play football?	A: Because she always runs away from the ball!!!
Q: Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?	A: She had a pumpkin for a coach!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?	A: To get to the other slide!
Q: Why did the dentist look so unhappy?	A: Because he was down in the mouth!
Q: Why did the dog go to court?	A: Because he got a barking ticket!
Q: Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?	A: She wanted to see time fly.
Q: Why did the man stare at the orange juice carton?	A: Because it said concentrate!
Q: Why did the one-handed man cross the road?	A: To get to the second hand shop!
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?	A: Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?	A: Because he didn't have the guts!
Q: Why don't lions eat clowns?	A: Because they taste funny!
Q: Why did the dog jump in the fire?	A: Because he wanted to be a hot-dog!
Q: Why couldn't the two elephants go swimming?	A: Because they only had one pair of trunks!
Q: Why don't lions play cards in the jungle?	A: Because of all the cheetahs!
Q: Why did the tomato blush?	A: Because he saw the salad dressing!!!!
Q: Why did the orange stop half way down the hill?	A: Because it ran out of juice!
Q: What's the fastest cake in the world?	A: Scone
Q: Why was the math book so sad?	A: Because he had so many problems!
Q: What is the difference between a soldier and a fireman?	A: You can't dip a fireman in an egg!
Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano?	A: Do you larva[sic] me like I larva[sic] you?

Unquestioned answers

This last answer may not have a corresponding joke...it is a common utterance on the radio show.

A: You butter believe it!