Jock

Jock
Monster ID	2091
Locations	The Neverending Party
Hit Points	75% of its Defense
Attack	Player's Moxie (cap at 20 000)
Defense	Player's Muscle (cap at 20 000)
Initiative	0
Meat	120-180
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm,bicep,glutes,head,leg,torso
Drops	unremarkable duffel bag, Purple Beast energy drink, cosmetic football, shoe ad T-shirt, pump-up high-tops
Manuel Entry
	refreshedit data

You're fighting a jock

A belligerent athlete in a letterman's jacket gets in between you and whatever you were hoping to accomplish at this party.

Hit Message(s):

One of his buddies throws him a football, but he doesn't catch it and it hits you in the <face>. Ugh!

He reaches over to pick up a nearby football and spills beer on your <face>. Blech. Ooh! (sleaze damage)

He mistakes your <face> for a football and throws it across the room. Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He whistles for the rest of his football team, who show up and tackle you en masse. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ooh! Ouch! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He starts toward you, but sees a football on the floor and stops to throw it to one of his buddies.

He moves as if to attack you, but then one of this buddies throws him a football and he pauses to catch it.

Fumble Message:

He starts toward you, but sees a football on the floor and stops to throw it to one of his buddies. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

You gain 120-180 Meat. (average: 150, stdev: 12.65)*

You acquire an item: unremarkable duffel bag (% chance)*

You acquire an item: Purple Beast energy drink (% chance)*

You acquire an item: cosmetic football (% chance)*

You acquire an item: shoe ad T-shirt (% chance)*

You acquire an item: pump-up high-tops (0.2% chance)*

You gain some <substat>.

Notes

The pump-up high-tops are a conditional drop and cannot be yellow-rayed. They are not affected by +item.
The item drop rates decrease over the course of the day as more drops are received. The unremarkable duffel bag drop rate floors at 5%.
This monster cannot be wished for.