Love song of icy revenge
love song of icy revenge
Okay, this is less a love song than a song about what happens when you go out the other side of love. It's pretty much a litany of the unpleasant, questionably moral, even downright illegal things that the singer's going to do to her cheatin' ex.
Type: potion
(can also be used in combat)
Effect: Cold Hearted (5 Adventures)Moxie +X
+Y to Familiar Weight
Cannot be discardedDeals Cold Damage based on your Moxie
(In-game plural: love songs of icy revenge)
Obtained From
- Skills
- Summon Love Song
When Used
- From inventory, when you do not already have another love song in your heart:
| ||
| You read the snatch of song to yourself:
<verse> It's positively chilling... | ||
|
- If you already have a love song beside Cold Hearted:
|
|
| Your heart can't take another love song so soon after the last one. The conflicting emotions would drive you totally mad. |
- In combat:
|
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| You read the Love Song of Icy Revenge. You can practically hear the banjo and steel guitar that would play these cold-hearted lyrics:
<verse> Man. That was cold. Your opponent suffers X damage as <Familiar> looks up at you fearfully... <Familiar> gains Y experience. |
Verses
You cheated on me so I killed your lawn
Slashed your tires and ate your swan
Bombed your house and I poisoned your newt
Made a sock monkey from your three-piece suit
Got your grandma hooked on smack
Baby, oh, baby, won't you please come back?
You cheated on me so I shaved your head
Bent your glasses and trashed your sled
Flayed your oranges and I greased your floor
Carved my name in your front door
Poured out all of your spice rack
Baby, oh, baby, won't you please come back?
You cheated on me so I crashed your truck
broke your guitar and strangled your duck
burned your shoes and I shredded your clothes
beat your sister with a garden hose
Tied your dog to the railroad track
Baby, oh, baby, won't you please come back?
You cheated on me so I drank your beer
frayed your sweaters and dulled your spear
Spoiled the ending to your brand new book
Cut the line on your grappling hook
Took a dump in your new knapsack
Baby, oh, baby, won't you please come back?
Notes
- X is Cold damage equal to your buffed Moxie.
- Y is equal to round(2*log10(D)), with a minimum of 1 and a maximum of 8, where D is the minimum between the damage this item did, and your enemy's HP before you used this item. Here's a table, for your convenience:
| xp gained | D |
|---|---|
| 1 | 1-5 |
| 2 | 6-17 |
| 3 | 18-56 |
| 4 | 57-177 |
| 5 | 178-562 |
| 6 | 563-1778 |
| 7 | 1779-5623 |
| 8 | 5624+ |
- If your familiar gains a pound because of this item, you will not get the message stating how much experience it gained.
- The experience gain from combat usage of this song has no visible effect on familiars such as the Stocking Mimic which do not gain levels from experience.
References
- This song appears to be a parodic reference to the Carrie Underwood song "Before He Cheats", in which the singer details the revenge tactics she does to her philandering boyfriend for cheating on her, including destruction of personal property.
See Also
Collection
- 🥇: fractalnavel (#2422322) - 561,758
- 🥈: Mac_Gyver (#1090676) - 15,000
- 🥉: Mistress of the Obvious (#845708) - 11,699
- #4: StuffedSandyGunfox (#1775924) - 9,292
- #5: BerSeker (#944817) - 6,744
- #6: The Prize Patrol (#1618020) - 5,000
- #7: StuBorn (#1852283) - 4,604
- #8: FarmerDan (#1685094) - 3,424
- #9: Lorad (#1572830) - 2,979
- #10: MarioB (#1765548) - 2,961
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