Mer-kin punisher
| Mer-kin punisher | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 839 |
| Locations | Mer-kin Elementary School |
| Hit Points | 800 |
| Attack | 700 |
| Defense | 600 |
| Initiative | 75 |
| Meat | 40-60 |
| Phylum | mer-kin |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | arm, head, tail, torso |
| Drops | Mer-kin mouthsoap, Mer-kin finpaddle, Mer-kin hallpass |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a Mer-kin punisherThis is a Mer-kin whose entire family was killed by a drug dealer, and so he puts on a spooky skull T-shirt and goes around shooting people.
Nah, actually this is just the Mer-kin in charge of discipline for the school of the Ancient Elder God of Hate. It's an old school, so discipline is less "stand in the corner" and more "hang by your thumbs until you die."
Hit Message(s):
He whacks you with a paddle. You decline to ask if you can have another. Ooh! Oof! Ooh! Ooh! Ugh!
He demands you assume the position, then beats the ass off of u and me. Ow! Oof! Oof! Oof! Eek!
He whacks your palms with a ruler. Man, this is the least fun way you ever got rosy palms. Ow! Ooh! Argh! Oof! Oof!
He makes you write, "Ia! Ia! Mariska F'taghn!" over and over until your hands cramp up. Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ugh! Eek!
He hits you with a flogger, a riding crop, a paddle, and a cane. Either you really, really didn't enjoy that attack, or you owe him 3,000 meat. Argh! Ooh! Eek! Ooh! Ouch!
He tries to make you write sentences over and over, but you tell him all that work will make you a dull boy.
He tries to flog you, but you play leapflog.
He tries to whack you with a ruler, but you abide by anti-ruler rules.
He tries to paddle you, but you're nobody's canoe.
He sees a few Mer-kin pupils engaging in seahorseplay in the halls, and has to go punish them before he comes back to the fight. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 40-60 Meat (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)* |
 | You acquire an item: Mer-kin mouthsoap (20% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: Mer-kin finpaddle (5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: Mer-kin hallpass (5% chance)* |
Occurs at Mer-kin Elementary School.
Notes
- Along with all other monsters in this zone, this monster will shrug off stuns about 75% of the time. If the stun does land, it will always wear off on the turn after it was applied, regardless of its original duration.
- However, it is not immune to staggers.
- Even if the stun is resisted, Shell Up with a Blessing of the Storm Tortoise active will still technically prevent monster actions for approximately 2 rounds, due to it not taking effect until the monster attacks and would've hit.
- This monster has a soft damage cap that kicks in if your attack would do more than 500 damage. The actual damage done in that case is (X-500)^.75 + 500, where X is the damage your attack would have done without the cap.
References
- The description contains a reference to the Marvel Comics superhero The Punisher.
- "You decline to ask if you can have another" is a reference to a scene from Animal House.
- The hit message about "rosy palms" might be a reference to 'Rosey palms'; a type of masturbation technique (Link not included for obvious reasons)
- "Work will make you a dull boy" references The Shining.
- "Iä! Iä! Cthulhu Fhtagn!" is the title of a Cthulhu Mythos story by James Turner. "Ia! Ia! Mariska F'taghn!" may be a reference to actress Mariska Hargitay.
