Smut orc nailer
| Smut orc nailer | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1232 |
| Locations | The Smut Orc Logging Camp |
| Hit Points | 69 |
| Attack | 69 |
| Defense | 69 |
| No-Hit | 79 |
| Initiative | 50 |
| Meat | 24-36 |
| Phylum | orc |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Drops | orcish nailing lube, orcish stud-finder, hardening cream |
| Quest | long hard screw, messy butt joint, morningwood plank, raging hardwood plank, thick caulk, weirdwood plank |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a smut orc nailerThis smut orc is in charge of affixing one piece of wood to another. He does so by driving sharpened bits of metal through both pieces, using a striking implement called a hammer.
As long as he's carrying this hammer around, every problem looks like a nail, including you.
Hit Message(s):
He nails your <groin> to your <arse>. Inconvenient and painful! Ooh! Ugh!
He uses the nail-pulling claw on the back of his hammer to stab you in the <groin>. Ow! Oof!
He hammers in the morning, the evening, and on your <head>.
He hits you with his ball-peen hammer. The attack is as painful as the tool name is funny. Ouch! Eek!
He pounds so many nails into your skull that you start looking for puzzle boxes to open. Eek! Ow! Ugh!
He tries to nail your <groin> to your <solar plexus>, but hits his thumb instead.
He tries to use the nail-pulling claw on his hammer to claw you, but you dodge.
He tries to hammer your <nipple>, but is too hammered to accomplish it.
You say "ball-peen hammer," and the smut orc starts giggling too much to hit you.
He hits his thumb with the hammer, then drops the hammer and it lands on his foot. He hops around swearing for a few minutes while you laugh. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 24-36 Meat. (average: 30, stdev: 2.83)* |
 | You acquire an item: orcish nailing lube (14.8% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: orcish stud-finder (4.7% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: hardening cream (5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: "appropriate" piece of lumber (10.0% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: "appropriate" fastener (100% chance)* |
| You gain 18-20 <substat>. |
Notes
- Lumber and fasteners only drop when you have not yet completed the bridge over The Orc Chasm.
- Wielding a logging hatchet causes an extra piece of lumber to drop about half the time.
- Having a loadstone in your off-hand causes an extra fastener to drop about half the time.
History
- Prior to the update on February 20th, 2019, the monster had 65 HP, 75 Attack and 70 Defense.
References
- The monster's stats being all 69 refers to the sex position (NSFW).
- The hit message "He hammers in the morning, the evening" is a reference to the song "If I Had a Hammer".
- The second paragraph in the opening description is a reference to Abraham Maslow's saying, "I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."
