The Fighters of Fighting/Kitty the Zmobie Basher
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VS | Kitty the Zmobie Basher
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| Head Kick | Groin Kick | Leg Sweep | Throat Punch | Gut Punch | Knee Punch | |
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| Kitty→ Player ↓ |
Kitty shouts, "you really need to get your head in the game!" and launches a kick straight at your forehead. | Kitty says, "I have a feeling you're about to get some paininess in your sexy parts." | Kitty says, "I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish-yet-affordable boots here. Especially since you're about to be flat on your back." She crouches down, ready to sweep your leg. | Kitty rolls her eyes and says, "Gah, will you just shut up already?" As you're thinking, wait, which of us said that?, you see she's about to punch you in the throat. | Kitty says, "you know, when Graah left me, it felt like a punch to the gut. Kind of like how this punch I'm about to deliver to your gut is going to feel like a punch to the gut!" | Kitty says, "bored now," and aims a punch at your kneecap. |
| Head Kick | You snarl, "well, I'd say I'm ahead of the head-getting game!" and kick Kitty in the forehead before her kick can land. She falls over backward while the crowd screams your name, just like my mom does. Wait, I mean, your mom. I mean, never mind. | "Yeah? Well, you need to think outside the box!" you say, and kick Kitty square in the crotch. The crowd is vaguely uncomfortable with your double entendre, and the applause is muted. | Kitty ducks out of the way of your leg sweep and her stunt double leaps into the fray, delivering a solid roundhouse kick to your forehead. | Kitty ducks out of the way of your throat punch and her stunt double leaps into the fray, delivering a solid roundhouse kick to your forehead. | Kitty ducks out of the way of your gut punch and her stunt double leaps into the fray, delivering a solid roundhouse kick to your forehead. | "Yeah," you say, "but you need to look out for punches to the knee," and slam your fist into Kitty's knee, ducking her boot to the head. Kitty looks pained, but the crowd boos your sub-par quippage. |
| Groin Kick | You sidestep Kitty's foot to the groin and counter with a boot to the head. She flips backwards, but quickly pops back up to her feet. The crowd gives you a few golf claps. | Kitty ducks under your groin kick, says, "let me introduce you to my buddy, Mr. Hurtiness!" and smacks you square in the junk with her mallet. | As Kitty raises her knee to kick you in the groin, you sweep her other leg out from under her. "That one's for the awkwardosity of your speech thingies!" you shout, as the crowd goes wild. | "Well," you say, "I have a feeling your tortured slang is about to get even more tortured." You slap Kitty's leg away and counter with a karate chop to the throat. Kitty falls over, gasping, and the crowd boos you for hitting a girl, which seems monumentally unfair. | Kitty ducks under your gut punch, says, "let me introduce you to my buddy, Mr. Hurtiness!" and smacks you square in the junk with her mallet. | Kitty ducks under your knee punch, says, "let me introduce you to my buddy, Mr. Hurtiness!" and smacks you square in the junk with her mallet. |
| Leg Sweep | Kitty half-heartedly dodges your head kick, but she's too busy moping about her lost zmobie love to attack back. Fortunately, her current zmobie love (well, it's more of a lust/hate thing) picks up the slack, and sweeps your legs out from under you. | Kitty's stunt double steps forward to sweep your leg, and you kick him square in the crotch. "That's it! No job is worth this!" he shouts, and stomps off, leaving Kitty to finish the fight herself. The crowd cheers wildly. | "Well, I hear that 'flat on your back' is where you do your best work," you say, and trip Kitty before she can trip you. The crowd starts to applaud, but then Kitty does that badass thing where you plant your hands behind you and spring up to your feet. | Kitty half-heartedly dodges your throat punch, but she's too busy moping about her lost zmobie love to attack back. Fortunately, her current zmobie love (well, it's more of a lust/hate thing) picks up the slack, and sweeps your legs out from under you. | You hop over Kitty's leg sweep and punch her square in the gut. You knock the wind out of her, but she quickly recovers and delivers an inspirational speech that has the whole crowd cheering her and booing you. Lame. | Kitty half-heartedly dodges your knee punch, but she's too busy moping about her lost zmobie love to attack back. Fortunately, her current zmobie love (well, it's more of a lust/hate thing) picks up the slack, and sweeps your legs out from under you. |
| Throat Punch | Kitty says, "you must be new here; here's how this works. I'm the Basher. I don't get hit with a head kick. I hit you." You would beg to differ, but it's hard to talk with a crushed trachea. | Kitty says, "you must be new here; here's how this works. I'm the Basher. I don't get hit with a groin kick. I hit you." You would beg to differ, but it's hard to talk with a crushed trachea. | You knock Kitty's punch aside and sweep her legs out from under her. She lands on her back, the wind knocked out of her. The crowd cheers for her to get back up, and boos you -- apparently, you should have let loose a quip before you attacked. | You don't have a sassy quip for Kitty, so you punch her in the throat before she can punch you. Maybe you should have said something about rubber and glue? The crowd applauds mutedly. | Kitty says, "you must be new here; here's how this works. I'm the Basher. I don't get hit with a gut punch. I hit you." You would beg to differ, but it's hard to talk with a crushed trachea. | You duck under the throat punch and deliver a left hook straight to her knee. "Criminy, that's a pain type thingy!" she shouts, as the crowd goes wild. |
| Gut Punch | Kitty's gut punch misses you by a mile, since you're flying through the air to deliver a devastating kick to the head. Kitty falls forward, and lies sprawled on the ground. "Tell -- my sister -- I love her," she says. The crowd boos, even though you try and point out Kitty's never mentioned a sister before just now. | Kitty steps backward out of reach of your groin kick, then pummels you in the gut with her mallet, quipping, "is it hard for you to stomach being beaten by a girl?" | Kitty steps backward out of reach of your leg sweep, then pummels you in the gut with her mallet, quipping, "is it hard for you to stomach being beaten by a girl?" | Kitty steps backward out of reach of your throat punch, then pummels you in the gut with her mallet, quipping, "is it hard for you to stomach being beaten by a girl?" | You quip, "oh yeah? Well, same to you!" Okay, it's not a great line, but you do manage to land your gut punch before she lands hers. The crowd leaps to its feet, applauding as Kitty doubles over. | You block Kitty's assault on your midsection, and follow with a crippling blow to the knee. Kitty staggers backward, but quickly regains her footing and blows kisses to the crowd. Your efforts go unapplauded. |
| Knee Punch | Kitty handsprings away from your head kick, and glares at you disdainfully when she lands. "Criminy, is that the best you can do?" she asks, then bashes you in the knee with her mallet so you cry, "my knee!" | "Well, let's make things a little more interesting," you say, and kick Kitty square in the lady-bits before she can finish her punch. The crowd boos your quip and your 'cheap shot,' which makes you make another quip about Kitty and being cheap, which gets you boo'd even more. | Kitty handsprings away from your leg sweep, and glares at you disdainfully when she lands. "Criminy, is that the best you can do?" she asks, then bashes you in the knee with her mallet so you cry, "my knee!" | You shout, "that's not even your line!" and punch Kitty square in the throat. The crowd applauds as Kitty finds herself quipless for once. | "Well," you say, "let me spice up your afternoon with a little intestinal discomfort!" You punch Kitty right in the gut. She seems to take the punch in stride, though, and the audience isn't buying your digestive-tract-based quip. | Kitty handsprings away from your knee punch, and glares at you disdainfully when she lands. "Criminy, is that the best you can do?" she asks, then bashes you in the knee with her mallet so you cry, "my knee!" |
References
- The quotes "I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish-yet-affordable boots here" and "bored now" are quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Everything else she says is very nearly a quote from the same source.
