The Fighters of Fighting/Roo
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VS | Roo
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| Head Kick | Groin Kick | Leg Sweep | Throat Punch | Gut Punch | Knee Punch | |
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| Roo→ Player ↓ |
Roo balances on his tail and aims one big, flat foot at your head. | Roo says, "it would be dishonorable as a warrior for me to pummel you in your primary sexual characteristics, but sometimes such a pummeling is expedient enough to justify its ignominy ha ha ha ha!" Then he aims a foot right at your crotch. | Roo says, "if a man or woman is unable to remain upright it is impossible for that individual to fight don't you know!" and aims his tail at your ankles. | Roo floats like a butterfly, and prepares to sting like a bee, provided the way bees sting is to punch you in the throat. | Roo says, "baby I was never cool enough to get a job in a record store you know!" and prepares to suckerpunch you in the gut. | Roo says, "ordinarily, a fighter would never punch his opponent in the knee ha ha for the patella would mangle his own fingers you know! But I am wearing boxing gloves for great justice!" He aims a punch square at your kneecap. |
| Head Kick | Roo balances on his tail, easily dodging your pathetic excuse for a head kick and pummeling your favorite face with both furry feet. | Before Roo can kick your brains out, you slam your foot into his groin. Hey, balancing on his tail like that, he has no one to blame but himself. Roo collapses, his cheez completely imbalanced. The crowd boos you enthusiastically -- or maybe they're just saying "booooomaddsurgeon." | Roo balances on his tail, easily dodging your pathetic excuse for a leg sweep and pummeling your favorite face with both furry feet. | Roo balances on his tail, easily dodging your pathetic excuse for a throat punch and pummeling your favorite face with both furry feet. | You bob your head from side to side, dodging both of Roo's ninja feet. Then you punch him right in the gut, for great justice! Sadly, your justice was only mediocre; Roo quickly regains his breath, and the crowd is less than whelmed. | You jump up and piledrive your fist into Roo's leg, crippling his attack without having to resort to a single "you know," "ha ha ha," or "for great justice." The crowd goes wild as Roo limps back a few paces. |
| Groin Kick | "Well," you respond, "it would be dishonorable of me as an animal rights activist to kick you in the head, but we all have our crosses to bear, or kangaroo, as the case may be," and you boot Roo right in the head. He falls over backward, and all the hippies in the audience boo you. | Roo blocks your groin kick with one boxing glove while kicking you squarely in the crotch-bits with one powerful foot. | Roo blocks your leg sweep with one boxing glove while kicking you squarely in the crotch-bits with one powerful foot. | You dodge Roo's assault on your crotch, then launch a counter-offensive against his terrible dubbing by crushing his windpipe. The crowd cheers as Roo croaks. | Roo blocks your gut punch with one boxing glove while kicking you squarely in the crotch-bits with one powerful foot. | You say, "you should keep your feet away from my most honorable reproductive organs or I will see how many different ways your knee can bend ha ha you know!" Then you slam your fist into Roo's knee. He hops backward and glares at you, and the crowd applauds semi-enthusiastically. |
| Leg Sweep | Roo jukes left, dodging your head kick, shouts, "for great justice!" and knocks your legs out from under you with his tail. Now, c'mon, what was so just about that? | Roo jukes left, dodging your groin kick, shouts, "for great justice!" and knocks your legs out from under you with his tail. Now, c'mon, what was so just about that? | You manage to knock both Roo's legs and his tail out from under him. He's so startled that he accidentally lets a cheez ball fly into the audience. The few that get covered in orange glop shout obscenities at you, which strikes you as somewhat unfair. | You grab Roo's tail and spin him around, then punch him in the throat while he's still dizzy. The punch doesn't affect whomever is doing Roo's dubbing, though, so the audience isn't thrilled with the attack. | "You're right," you say, "but if a man can't breathe, he can't fight, either. Or, really, do much of anything." You hop over Roo's leg sweep and punch him square in the gut. Thankfully, those rumors about Roo having a joey in a pouch under there aren't true (and when you say he scared you, well, I guess you scared him too). The crowd goes wild! | Roo jukes left, dodging your knee punch, shouts, "for great justice!" and knocks your legs out from under you with his tail. Now, c'mon, what was so just about that? |
| Throat Punch | You slip sideways, avoiding Roo's throat punch, and kick Roo upside the head. Roo sways a little, then says, "my mother, the woman who gave birth to me and carried me in her pouch, can kick harder than that you know!" The crowd enjoys a laugh at your expense. | You float like a moth away from Roo's punch, then sting like a groin-seeking foot. The crowd cheers as Roo doubles over. | Roo shouts, "I see that you are attempting a leg sweep on me, to cause pain and injury to me and possibly to end this fight, ha ha, but I will answer your blow with one of my own!" Then he punches you in the throat, which is almost less painful than his terrible overdubbing. You almost wish you could fight him in subtitles. | Roo shouts, "I see that you are attempting a throat punch on me, to cause pain and injury to me and possibly to end this fight, ha ha, but I will answer your blow with one of my own!" Then he punches you in the throat, which is almost less painful than his terrible overdubbing. You almost wish you could fight him in subtitles. | You lean back, Roo's boxing glove passing bare inches from your throat. You step forward and plant a haymaker right in Roo's stomach. Roo doubles over and shouts, "my joey! My joey!" He pulls a rag doll from under his gi and waves it theatrically. "This man hit my joey!" The audience boos as you try to point out that it's not a real joey, and that if he's hurting, so are you. | Roo shouts, "I see that you are attempting a knee punch on me, to cause pain and injury to me and possibly to end this fight, ha ha, but I will answer your blow with one of my own!" Then he punches you in the throat, which is almost less painful than his terrible overdubbing. You almost wish you could fight him in subtitles. |
| Gut Punch | Roo dodges your head kick, then harnesses his cheez and throws a cheezball straight into your bread basket. | You slap Roo's boxing glove to the side and kick him between the legs. "Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place you know ha ha!" Roo says, shaking off the kick while the crowd goes meh. | You say, "well, if you had, I wouldn't want you anymore!" and knock Roo's legs out from under him before his punch can land. The crowd cheers as Roo hits the dirt, ha ha, you know, for great justice. | "See how we go round and round over nothing at all?" you say, and punch Roo in the throat before he can hit your gut. Roo collapses in a coughing fit, but the crowd boos you. They seem to think that was a cheap shot. Ugh, there's no pleasing some people. | Roo dodges your gut punch, then harnesses his cheez and throws a cheezball straight into your bread basket. | Roo dodges your knee punch, then harnesses his cheez and throws a cheezball straight into your bread basket. |
| Knee Punch | You jump up and piledrive your fist into Roo's leg, crippling his attack without having to resort to a single "you know," "ha ha ha," or "for great justice." The crowd goes wild as Roo limps back a few paces. | Roo blocks your groin kick (he was probably pushing back on the D-pad), then punches you in the knee. His boxing glove cushions the blow, but you're pretty sure your knee's not supposed to bend that way. | You sweep your leg out of Roo's punching range and knock his legs out from under him. He manages to bounce back on his tail, though, and the crowd is less than impressed. | Roo blocks your throat punch (he was probably pushing back on the D-pad), then punches you in the knee. His boxing glove cushions the blow, but you're pretty sure your knee's not supposed to bend that way. | Roo blocks your gut punch (he was probably pushing back on the D-pad), then punches you in the knee. His boxing glove cushions the blow, but you're pretty sure your knee's not supposed to bend that way. | You slap Roo's punch aside and fight fire with fire -- or, in this case, knee punch with knee punch. Since you're not wearing boxing gloves, Roo's collapse is marred somewhat by you hopping around waving your hand. The crowd explodes into boos and catcalls (which, honestly, what's the point? They don't ever come when you call them). |
See Also
References
- Two of the Gut Punch responses refer to lyrics from the song Joey.
