The Fighters of Fighting/Serenity
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VS | Serenity
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| Head Kick | Groin Kick | Leg Sweep | Throat Punch | Gut Punch | Knee Punch | |
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| Serenity→ Player ↓ |
Serenity says, "clearly you need a reboot, coppertop. Maybe a hard boot to the head will clear your RAM!" | Serenity says, "sometimes, the only way to free a mind from the asymmetric net is with a nice, solid kick to the gonads!" | Serenity crouches down and prepares to knock your ankles out from under you. Well, it could be worse; she could be spouting her weird religious propaganda. | Serenity fires a warning shot with her crossbow. Well, given how good a shot she is, they're pretty much *all* warning shots. You chuckle at that thought, and she scowls and launches a fist at your throat. | Serenity says, "if you're not enlightened, you're an agent of the asymmetric net! And agents of the asymmetric net tend to get punched in the small intestine!" You're not sure how she's going to pull that off, but you're sure you want to stop her from trying. | Serenity says, "I'm not going to stand for your ignorance, and neither are you!" You start to ask what she meant by that, then notice she's about to punch you in the knee. |
| Head Kick | Serenity's kick whooshes past as you whip your head to the side. "Headkick.exe not found," you quip, "(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail?" You kick Serenity upside the head, but her hair goop is so thick that it absorbs most of the blow. The crowd shrugs noncommittally. | Serenity somehow moves faster than your eyes can see, crushing your crotch with a pleather boot while you're still thinking about doing a head kick. | You take advantage of Serenity's crouch and knee her right in the forehead. She flops over backward. The crowd cheers, missing your witty retort: "you know why your brain hurts? You've never used it before!" | Serenity somehow blocks your leg sweep and crushes your windpipe at the same time. | Serenity somehow dodges your attack in slow-motion, then punches you square in the gut. "Stop trying to hit me and hit me," she snarls. | As Serenity bends down to punch your knee, you knee her right in the forehead. She flies backwards in fast-motion, somersaults in slow-motion, hangs in the air for what seems like an eternity, then crashes to the ground. The crowd starts to cheer, but they're cheering for Serenity, not you. "That was just falling with style!" you complain, but the crowd just boos you. |
| Groin Kick | Serenity leaps into the air, assumes her trademark constipated-grasshopper pose, and hovers there for what seems like an eternity. Like they say, time flies when you're not getting a pleather boot to the face. | "Funny," you respond, "that's a great cure for crazy pseudo-religious propaganda, too!" You dodge her foot and plant one of yours right in her pleather-clad crotch. The crowd goes nuts! | You leap over Serenity's leg sweep, then kick her square in the crotch. "You think that's my crotch you're kicking? Do you think, in this place, you can bruise my ladybits?" Serenity says, laughing. The audience chuckles along. | You duck under her throat punch, then explode upward, driving your knee into her groin. Serenity flops backward, gasping, "how could you? I'm a woman!" You try and reason with her, explaining that it's a fighting game, and that she's actively trying to take you apart, and quite possibly that you're a woman, too (I don't presume to enquire into your personal business), but the crowd still boos you. | Serenity somehow dodges your attack in slow-motion, then punches you square in the gut. "Stop trying to hit me and hit me," she snarls. | Serenity blocks your groin kick with such grace and skill you would swear the fight was choreographed. Then she crouches down and fractures your patella with one expert punch. |
| Leg Sweep | You dodge Serenity's hard boot and counter with a security sweep of both of her legs. She hovers for a second after the attack, but crashes to the ground while the crowd goes wild. | You dodge Serenity's groin kick and kick her legs out from under her in one smooth, fluid move. "Woah, I know kung fu," you quip. The crowd applauds politely, underwhelmed. | You leap over Serenity's leg sweep, then kick her square in the crotch. "You think that's my crotch you're kicking? Do you think, in this place, you can bruise my ladybits?" Serenity says, laughing. The audience chuckles along. | Serenity somehow blocks your leg sweep and crushes your windpipe at the same time. | Serenity easily dodges your gut punch, then shoots several dozen bolts from her crossbow. All of them miss, of course, so she just sneaks behind you and trips you. | |
| Throat Punch | Serenity somehow blocks your head kick and crushes your windpipe at the same time. | You duck under her throat punch, then explode upward, driving your knee into her groin. Serenity flops backward, gasping, "how could you? I'm a woman!" You try and reason with her, explaining that it's a fighting game, and that she's actively trying to take you apart, and quite possibly that you're a woman, too (I don't presume to enquire into your personal business), but the crowd still boos you. | You hop over Serenity's leg sweep and karate chop her in the throat. She somersaults backward from the force of the blow and lands on her back. The audience boos your obvious use of stuntmen and wires. | Serenity somehow blocks your throat punch and crushes your windpipe at the same time. | You protect your small intestine (and the rest of your digestive tract) by punching Serenity in the throat. The crowd cheers, Serenity gasps, and you feel just the slightest bit skeeved out by all the violence. | You slap Serenity's fist away and punch her right in the windpipe. She coughs a little, then smiles at you. "Good job, copper-top," she says, "there's hope for you yet." The crowd's applause is barely discernible. |
| Gut Punch | "Yeah?" you say, effortlessly dodging Serenity's kick, "well, maybe what you could use is a GUI punch to your CPU!" You punch Serenity square in the stomach, and she doubles over, gasping. The audience boos your substandard quip, though. | Serenity somehow moves faster than your eyes can see, crushing your crotch with a pleather boot while you're still thinking about doing a gut punch. | Serenity easily dodges your gut punch, then shoots several dozen bolts from her crossbow. All of them miss, of course, so she just sneaks behind you and trips you. | Serenity's fist stops bare millimeters from your throat. "Stop trying to hit me and -- ooomph --" she says, as you sock her in the gut. The crowd cheers as she gasps for air. | "Yeah?" you say, effortlessly dodging Serenity's kick, "well, maybe what you could use is a GUI punch to your CPU!" You punch Serenity square in the stomach, and she doubles over, gasping. The audience boos your substandard quip, though. | Serenity blocks your gut punch with such grace and skill you would swear the fight was choreographed. Then she crouches down and fractures your patella with one expert punch. |
| Knee Punch | As Serenity bends down to punch your knee, you knee her right in the forehead. She flies backwards in fast-motion, somersaults in slow-motion, hangs in the air for what seems like an eternity, then crashes to the ground. The crowd starts to cheer, but they're cheering for Serenity, not you. "That was just falling with style!" you complain, but the crowd just boos you. | Serenity blocks your groin kick with such grace and skill you would swear the fight was choreographed. Then she crouches down and fractures your patella with one expert punch. | Serenity easily dodges your knee punch, then shoots several dozen bolts from her crossbow. All of them miss, of course, so she just sneaks behind you and trips you. | "Yeah," you say, "well, people who spout crazy conspiracy theories tend to get their patellas fractured!" and punch Serenity square in the kneecap. The crowd tuts their tongues disapprovingly, reminding you that the proper plural is 'patellae.' | Serenity somehow dodges your attack in slow-motion, then punches you square in the gut. "Stop trying to hit me and hit me," she snarls. | Time seems to stand still as Serenity's punch flies toward your knee in slow motion. Faster than even your eyes can follow, you dodge her punch and counter with one of your own. The crowd goes crazy as Serenity looks up at you, cradling her knee. "My god," she says, "it's you. You're the One." Woah. |
References
Serenity, and many of her quotes, are a fairly obvious reference to The Matrix series.
