Unholy Writes
You see an orange glow coming from behind the door to the next room in the Basement. When you open the door, you see a figure sitting with its back to you, hunched over a typewriter. You clear your throat, and the figure turns around.
You see a rugged pair of jeans, a studded leather jacket, and...holy smokes! Instead of a head, the man has a skull sticking out of his jacket collar! As he stares hollowly at you, unholy flames sprout from his skull, and from the typewriter beside him. You hear the crackling of flame and the creaking of leather as he steps toward you.
"Greetings, adventurer," he says, his voice echoing spookily off the walls. "I am known as Ghost Writer. I cannot allow you to pass."
"But I really, really need to get down to the next level," you say. "I'm not sure why, exactly, but I'd like to keep going."
"Then you must write a paragraph on my ghostly typewriter," he says, "while I look over your shoulder and make sure you don't make any typographical errors. For each one I find, I shall kill you."
| What's a Typewriter, Again? |
You sit down at the typewriter. It's like trying to type on a hot griddle; the heat isn't at all mitigated by the chills running up and down your spine as the Ghost Writer's eye sockets bore into your soul.
 | You lose X hit points. (hot damage) |
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
- if this beats you up
- You blow on your fingers, clear your mind, and try to focus on the task at hand. The keys are almost too hot to touch, and having a pair of empty eye sockets glaring over your shoulder doesn't help either. "Lars burst into the boudoir, his chest heaving, his sword at the ready," you type. "He was tougher then any other..."
- As a flaming hand encircles your throat and starts squeezing, you wish you had paid more attention in English class.
- if you survive
- You blow on your fingers, clear your mind, and try to focus on the task at hand. "Lars burst into the boudoir, his chest heaving, his sword at the ready," you type, "He thought he was prepared for whatever he might find there, but he was taken aback when he parted the heavy curtains around the four-post bed. Helga lay there, her bosoms heaving..." you continue in that vein, writing a steamy, bodice-ripping love scene that seems appropriately hot for a flaming typewriter. Despite the heat coming off the typewriter and the spooky Ghost Writer looking over your shoulder, you properly punctuate all your dialogue, and avoid unnecessary commas -- you even correctly use the emdash to separate clauses in your sentences.
- "Well done," Ghost Writer says. "You may pass. No, seriously, just... just leave me alone with your manuscript for a while."
Occurs at Fernswarthy's Basement
References
- The characters Lars and Helga here are also featured in Lars the Cyberian.
- The "Ghost Writer" is a parody of the Marvel Comics superhero Ghost Rider.
- A ghostwriter is a professional writer who is paid to write books, articles, stories, or reports which are officially credited to another person.
- The phrase "For each one I find, I shall kill you" is a reference to Stewie from Family Guy. When Chris offers Stewie ice cream, Stewie replies "Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you."
Singled Out
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Peace, Bra!
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Still Better Than Pistachio
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Unholy Writes
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The Unthawed
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| Tests Cold and Sleaze | Tests Sleaze and Stench | Tests Stench and Hot | Tests Hot and Spooky | Tests Spooky and Cold |
| Use Coldform | Use Sleazeform | Use Stenchform | Use Hotform | Use Spookyform |
