Woolly Scaly Bully
You see a group of big, brawny Mer-kin kids that have another, scrawny Mer-kin kid pinned up against the wall. "Give me your lunch money or I'll give you a dead fin!" one of the bullies shouts."
The Mer-kin nerd turns an even paler shade of green than Mer-kin normally are. "C'mon, you guys, I don't even know what you mean! Are we talking sand dollars, or meat, or . . ."
"Shut up, wimp!"
| Reason with the Bullies |
You swim up to the bully Mer-kin. "Guys, before you do this, you should take a minute to think. How are you making this nerd feel? How would you feel if someone beat you up for your lunch money?"
"Whatever," the bully replies. "When we're done with this nerd, you're next. You're almost a bigger nerd than he is. Have you looked in a mirror lately? You're so scrawny, you almost look like a filthy airbreather in a barely-convincing costume!"
"Okay, but how about when you're older, and you're working for minimum wage at a car wash, and this nerd here is making a six-figure income, and you come begging him for a job so you can feed your eight kids? Won't you want him to remember you were nice to him?"
"Woah, you're right," the lead bully says. "We should kick the crap out of as many nerds as we can, right now, because the future's going to suck for us."
Then he and his buddies take turns giving you aquatic wedgies and punching you in the ears.
 | You lose 285 hit points. |
| Bully the Bullies |
You swim up to the bully Mer-kin, flexing your muscles. "Well, well, what do we have here?" you say. "You guys are real tough when you're picking on a nerd, but how about fighting someone your own size?" The Mer-kin bullies burst out laughing. "Well, if you see someone our size, send him this way," one says, giggling. "You look like one of those puny airbreathers trying to dress like a Mer-kin! Ha!"
You leap onto the bullies and start throwing punches and kicks. Since the bullies have never been kicked before, your attack is surprisingly effective. The bullies run away, crying.
"Aw, man, what did you do that for?" the nerd says. "Now not only will they think I'm a scrawny nerd, they'll think I'm such a nerd that I need an even BIGGER nerd to fight my battles for me. Thanks a lot, jerk." He smacks you with his tailfin as he swims away. Well, you know what they say about good deeds...
| You lose 211 hit points. |
| Bully the Nerd |
"Shut up, nerd!" you shout, swimming into the fracas. "Hand over whatever forms of currency you have, and quit arguing semantics!"
The nerd tosses you a few sand dollars and swims away as fast as he can.
"Wow, that was pretty cool," one of the bullies says, "even though you're the scrawniest, least-convincing Mer-kin we've ever seen." You hang out with the bullies for awhile, before they figure out that you got the nerd's money by using a lot of big words. Then they beat you up and lock you in the janitor's closet.
On the bright side, now you know where the janitor's closet is!
Occurs at Mer-kin Elementary School
References
- The adventure title (which is misspelled in-game) references the song Wooly Bully.
