You've Got Wings, But No Wingman
Inevitably, the conversation turns to the fertilization of those eggs she's carrying around -- much the same way it does for humans. What kind of shenanigans would you like to get up to with this sexy female cockroach?
| Find a private place (1) |
You chitter and antenna-wave the cockroach equivalent of, "So, want to go some place a little more private?" The female roach twitches her antennae beguilingly, and you lead her away from the cockroach party to find a place where you can fertilize some eggs. Just outside the dumpster, you see the perfect place: a motel, just for roaches! It says so right on the side of the building!
You walk into the motel and look around. The floor's a little sticky, but floors in these places are all a little sticky. You turn to tell your roach companion to come on in, but you can't turn: your feet are actually glued to the floor! Dizzying fumes wash over you as you struggle to free yourself, but soon enough you can't struggle anymore, and everything goes black. Looks like you've checked in, but you won't be checking out. Or you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave. Either way, you're an ex-roach.
| Make a move (1) |
You chitter and antenna-wave the cockroach equivalent of, "So, baby, how about we fertilize those eggs?" She twitches her antennae back, getting across the basic idea of "your genetic material is inferior for reproductive purposes," which is probably the cockroach equivalent of "I like you, but not in that way."
You leave the roach party and wander through the deserted streets of Seaside Town. What's the point of surviving a nuclear apocalypse when you can't even make it with the most disgusting creatures on the planet? I mean, you just got shot down by a cockroach.
You climb up to the top of the Gourd tower and throw yourself off. You survive the fall, of course. You jump into a rain barrel and sink to the bottom. You survive the drowning, of course. You finally manage to wrap a twist-tie around your neck and cut your own head off, which finally ends your miserable existence. Eventually.
| Just keep chatting (1) |
You continue to chat up the female roach, complimenting her on her shiny carapace and feathery antennae, stealing glances at her shapely thorax. Just as you lean in to get closer to those egg cases, though, a cockroach easily twice as big as you are comes stomping up. He twitches his antennae angrily and chitters the cockroach equivalent of, "Hey, get away from my girl or I'll tear you limb from limb!
"You discover that, in the cockroach world, that's less an idle threat and more of a literal description. After the big roach rips your head off, you only live for a couple more hours.
Occurs during upon selecting "Party with your fellow roaches" during It's Nukyuhlur - the 'S' is Silent.
References
- The roach motel is a type of bug trap trap, functioning by luring roaches in with the smell of food or pheromones, with a sticky floor to prevent escape. Their most famous slogan was "Roaches check in, but they don't check out."
- "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave" is a line from a song by the Eagles -- "Hotel California".
