Rare Items

A rare item is an item which exists in the kingdom but is either difficult or very expensive (usually both) to obtain.

Some rares are extremely rare drops in the kingdom (such as the Ultra Rares) while others are items which can only be obtained as special gifts (such as the Radio Free Regalia). Still others are items which used to drop in the kingdom but no longer do (like the gasmask), while some are gifts which were given to everyone on a specific date, such as the Crimbo Pressie. Also included are hacked Items, as well as items used solely for testing and never available outside of exploits.

Ultra-rare drops

• beet
• Crazy bastard sword
• hockey stick of furious angry rage
• hypnodisk
• incredibly dense meat gem
• Talisman of Baio

Gifts still available

• Bigger Bugfinder Blade
• Bugfinder Blade
• Radio button candy
• Radio Free Baseball Cap
• Radio Free Foil
• Radio Free Pants

Gifts no longer available

• Acqua Del Piatto Merlot
• Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet
• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• Big ol' trophy
• blank white card
• bow (and by extension bowler, bow staff and bowlegged pants)
• cement shoes
• Consolation ribbon
• Crimbo Pressie (and by extension wrapping paper, present, Crimbo hat, Crimbo pants and Crimbo sword)
• Crimbo stocking
• extra special Crimbo Stocking
• Hanukkimbo dreidl
• imitation nice watch
• Mafia bow tie
• Mafia stogie
• Mafia violin case
• Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir
• N. O. Beer
• old school Mafia knickerbockers
• Oriole-feather headdress
• small Crimbo Pressie
• Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne
• tiny plastic sword
• Uovo Marcio Shiraz

Items no longer purchasable

• Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel
• Mob Penguin protection contract
• severed rocking horse head
• See also the former Specials of the Month from Mr. Store.

Hacked Items

• Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt
• birthday candle
• can of Red Minotaur
• Childrens' Meal of the Damned
• voodoo doll

Items used for testing

• Mr. Shirt
• off-hand balloon
• serrated proboscis extension

Items which no longer drop

• demonskin trousers
• Ent cider
• gasmask
• Gnollish nunchaku
• guild application
• Guild Pants
• hemp backpack
• Mr. Container
• Newbiesport™ backpack

Items from the Spectral Pickle Factory

• brine (and by extension especially salty dog)
• dill (and by extension dill potion)
• ghost cucumber (and by extension spectral pickle and ghost pickle on a stick)
• vinegar (and by extension briny vinegar and ghostly pickling solution)

All these items will be available again when the factory (presumably) returns.

Untradeable rares

• Mr. Exploiter (can be purchased from Uncle P's Antiques)
• orange traffic cone (only available on rollover after the first St. Sneaky Pete's Day)
• pirate hook (Given to certain players on September 19th (International Talk Like A Pirate Day))
• red traffic cone (only available on rollover after the third St. Sneaky Pete's Day)
• rose-colored glasses (obtained from the A Suspicious-Looking Guy while having the grey plague.)
• Time Juice (Given to all players after The Council of Loathing time juice fund ended)
• yellow traffic cone (only available on rollover after the second St. Sneaky Pete's Day)
• Yeti Protest Sign (used to drop once per player at The Icy Peak)
• Unionize The Elves sign (Used to drop once per player at the Crimbo Town Toy Factory)

Custom Items

A custom item is a one-of-a-kind item specially designed for a specific player. These items are given out (in the words of Mr. Skullhead) "for whatever we feel like".

• arse-shooting crossbow (given to Kucolan)
• bugbear-smiting sword (given to spazworrier)
• Conspicuous lack of pants (given to EyeSpeculum)
• especially homoerotic frat-paddle (Given to Xenophobe)
• exclusive ultra-rare item (given to Phoenix & Mick)
• fetus-smashing club (given to Bashy)
• fuzzy bracelets (given to Mick)
• heteroerotic frat-paddle (given to Mr. Skullhead)
• intergalactic pom poms (given to skipperic)
• MAHI fez (given to Boozerbear)
• Mjolnir Jr. (given to Thor the Mighty)
• Scandalously Skimpy Bikini (given to Sassylassy)
• Sombrero De Vida (given to Vida Londres)
• Stupid University Diploma (given to Prima Vera Angelhair)
• Totally Gay Claymore (given to Philanthropist)
• Warehouse 23 bling (given to the members of Warehouse 23, plus Arbitrage)
• Xlyinia's notebook (given to Xlyinia)

Others

• Item #13 (Never truly "available", unknown whether or not they are currently in the same state)
• one million meat pancakes (Technically a gift, then duped many times. No longer given away.)
• comfy blanket (Given by Cristobal Colon to a few players, and sold some of them for 100 meat in his store.)
• Oyster Eggs (available on Oyster Egg Day)
• steaming evil (technically a hacked item, though generally considered legitimate)
• spooky hockey mask (Rare drop when resting, but not ultra-rare)
• tiny plastic Boris
• tiny plastic Jarlsberg
• tiny plastic Sneaky Pete
• tiny plastic Susie (All four are available rarely from Lucky Surprise Eggs.)

Items that aren't rare but used to be

• beanbag chair (originally gifts from Jick, they now have a recipe in place to make them)
• dungeoneer's dungarees (used to drop, then stopped dropping, then started dropping again in a different place)
• fez of etymology (used to the smithed from the dictionary, then dictionaries were no longer smithable. Now it's smithable again.)
• floral print shirt and coconut bikini top (originally hacked items, now dropping)
• Fruitcake (given out by Advent Calendar in 2005 and Halloween)
• hovering sombrero (possessed by one or two people months before implementation of South of the Border)
• meaty helmet turtle (originally hacked items, they were later implemented)
• pail (used to drop, then didn't for a while, now a quest reward)
• stone of eXtreme power (used to drop, then stopped dropping, then started dropping again in a different place)
  • eXtreme meat crossbow
  • eXtreme meat staff
  • eXtreme meat sword
  • eXtreme nose ring (items smithed from the stone of eXtreme power)

Items that have been completely removed from the game

• cranmopolitan
• Double-Minty Gum (replaced by lime-and-chile-flavored chewing gum)
• Quadruple-Minty Gum (replaced by jabañero-flavored chewing gum)
• Single-Minty Gum (replaced by tamarind-flavored chewing gum)
• skewered cranberry
• Sober Pill
• supermartini (replaced by dry martini)
• superolive (replaced by jumbo olive)
• Triple-Minty Gum (replaced by pickle-flavored chewing gum)