ChibiBuddy™ To-do List Messages

Your ChibiBuddy™ performs random actions every rollover. The first time you activate him after a rollover, you'll see:

<name>'s been busy since you last saw him! He crossed some items off his to-do list:

This will be followed by 3(?) random actions, each of which increases or decreases one of his stats.

If there have been multiple rollovers since your last interaction with him, then you'll see:

And what looks like some older to-do items from further back:

This will be followed by however many random actions occurred during the time you neglected him.

Random actions

• A bloomin' onion a day keeps my sadness at bay (-fitness)
• Add peanut butter to everything I eat (-fitness)
• Add weight loss supplements to meal-replacement shakes (+fitness)
• Adopt a cat and feed and groom it (+alignment)
• Adopt a dog and shower it with affection (+alignment)
• Adopt dozens of orphan dogs and cats; shower with affection (+alignment)
• Answer all emails and instant messages (+socialization)
• Answer all queries with single-word responses or noncommittal grunts (-socialization)
• Attend a raging kegger (+socialization)
• Avoid books about sparkly vampires and sexy ghosts (+intelligence)
• Bail on plans with friends at the last minute (-socialization)
• Beat up hobos (-alignment)
• Bilk nuns out of money they raised for charity (-alignment)
• Blame others for your own shortcomings (-alignment)
• Broker peace between hippies and frat boys (+alignment)
• Brood over those who have wronged you in the past and resolve not to trust anyone again (?)
• Build a better mousetrap (+intelligence)
• Build a machine that makes fart noises as it kicks people in the crotch (?)
• Build a nuclear fusion generator (+intelligence)
• Build a perpetual-motion machine (+intelligence)
• Build working rocket engine (+intelligence)
• Cancel social obligations because you're "too tired" (-socialization)
• Cause the extinction of a species of animal (-alignment)
• Chew out anyone who attempts to do something nice for you (-socialization)
• Choose an evening at home over a night with friends every time (-socialization)
• Continue to be too nervous to talk to that adorable ChibiGirl™ next door (-socialization)
• Cook dinner for your twenty closest friends (+socialization)
• Create self-fulfilling prophecy--realize no one will hang out with you because you're angry and bitter, and get more angry and bitter because of it (-socialization)
• Create your own fractal (+intelligence)
• Cultivate bitterness and resentment against those who have accomplished more than you have (-socialization)
• Cultivate shallowness (?)
• Cure a form of cancer (+intelligence)
• Debate trolls on the internet (-intelligence)
• Do 100 push-ups every time I think about spending any time idle (+fitness)
• Do 100 sit-ups every time I eat a single grape (+fitness)
• Do not view "serving size" as a ridiculous suggestion (+fitness)
• Don't count calories (-fitness)
• Don't count calories consumed hovering over the kitchen sink (-fitness)
• Don't poke smartphone instead of having conversations (?)
• Don't respond to email, voicemail, mail-mail, or chain mail (-socialization)
• Don't reward self with ice cream for making it all day without eating any ice cream (+fitness)
• Don't smile or wave at strangers (-socialization)
• Drink my body weight in Mountain Stream soda (-fitness)
• Drive really fast in the slow lane (-alignment)
• Dump toxic waste near playground (-alignment)
• Eat a peanut butter, butter, lard, and bacon fat sandwich with cheese (-fitness)
• Eat a taco in front of a starving homeless person (-alignment)
• Eat an entire quart-sized jar of mayonnaise (-fitness)
• Eat more salad with more ranch dressing and shredded cheese on it (-fitness)
• Eat twelve bacon pizzas with extra cheese and cheese and bacon baced^[sic] into a crust I will then dip in bacon ranch dressing (-fitness)
• Eat veal and pate foi gras ten times a day (-alignment)
• Embezzle millions of meat from charitable corporations (-alignment)
• Encourage Knob Goblin Chefs to explore cruelty-free vegan options (?)
• Evict orphans from their orphanage (-alignment)
• Fear and hate anyone who looks, acts, or believes something different than you (?)
• Fit desk with treadmill, kitchen sink with treadmill, toilet with treadmill (+fitness)
• Get all information in factoid form (-intelligence)
• Get disproportionately offended at gentle ribbing and/or criticism (-socialization)
• Give spare meat to a homeless person (+alignment)
• Give the middle finger to anyone you meet today (-socialization)
• Glue model airplanes in a room with inadequate ventilation (-intelligence?)
• Go on a ski holiday with a dozen friends even though you don't ski (+socialization)
• Go to a party, brood against the wall so everyone knows I'm not enjoying myself (-socialization)
• Grow at least three more chins (-fitness)
• Have a dinner party with a different friend every night this week (+socialization)
• Hold a giant rave for your two hundred closest friends (+socialization)
• Hold breath until you get dizzy and pass out, at least twice a day (-fitness)
• Insult someone online (-alignment?)
• Insult your friends and insist you're just joking around when they get offended (-socialization)
• Invent a device for flawlessly applying sunscreen to one's own back (?)
• Keep doing the same thing and expect different results (-intelligence)
• Learn how to make pictures with fusion beads (+intelligence)
• Learn to crochet (+intelligence)
• Learn to tie a larkshead knot (+intelligence)
• Lift weights as much as physically possible, replace weight bench with additional treadmill to run while lifting (+fitness)
• Limit interpersonal interactions to trolling on comment boards (-socialization)
• Listen to only classical music (+intelligence)
• Make a BLT, only with more bacon instead of the lettuce and tomato, and deep-fried chicken breasts instead of bread (-fitness)
• Make a Faustian pact for whiter, brighter teeth and more lustruous hair (-alignment)
• Make a hamburger using two pizzas as the bun (-fitness)
• Make fortune; give it all to charity (+alignment)
• Make mistakes; don't learn from them (-intelligence)
• Memorize every grammar rule, no matter how obscure (+intelligence)
• Memorize every important event in the History of Loathing (+intelligence)
• Memorize Shakespeare (+intelligence)
• Micromanage underlings (?)
• Only consume humor in fart joke form (-intelligence)
• Only read cereal boxes (-intelligence)
• Only read magazines with short sentences about celebrity gossip (-intelligence)
• Pass gas in elevator; blame someone else '(-alignment?)
• Perform a hit-and-run and a drive-by shooting in the same day (-alignment)
• Perform neurosurgery (+intelligence)
• Play a drinking game where I drink an entire 2-liter of soda every time I think about exercise (-fitness)
• Play complicated strategy board games instead of video games (+intelligence)
• Play video games 24/7 (?)
• Play video games about walking, riding a bicycle, skateboarding instead of doing any of those things (-fitness)
• Poison pigeons in the park (-alignment)
• Put at least a pound of bacon in everything I eat (-fitness)
• Read a serious book that deals with real-life issues and stay awake the whole time (+intelligence)
• Read books instead of surfing the internet (+intelligence)
• Read graphic novels instead of comic books (+intelligence)
• Read great literature instead of graphic novels (+intelligence)
• Read the manual before asking questions (+intelligence)
• Remember pain is just weakness leaving the body, and diarrhea is just fat leaving the body (+fitness)
• Remember that everyone else is just a mindless cog in a corporate machine and only you are special (?)
• Remember that love is nothing but mindless chemical firing in the brain and you don't need it (?)
• Remember that nothing tastes as good as being fit feels, even bacon (+fitness)
• Replace all fruit and vegetables in diet with cheese or meat molded to look like same (-fitness)
• Replace all meals with protein powder, kale, and treadmill-running (+fitness)
• Replace all snacks with running on a treadmill (+fitness)
• Replace cookies with apples (+fitness)
• Replace desk chair with treadmill (+fitness)
• Replace morning bacon break with apple slices (+fitness)
• Respond to all social overtures with "meh" (-socialization)
• Risk own life to save someone else's (+alignment)
• Rob toy store (-alignment)
• Round up homeless for medical experiments (-alignment)
• Run a marathon every time I eat a spoonful of wheat germ (+fitness)
• Run marathons instead of walking to the corner store for snacks (+fitness)
• Say, "how 'bout this heat?" every time it's hot outside (?)
• Say yes to all social invitations (+socialization)
• Search the Internet before asking stupid questions (+intelligence)
• See how long I can sit on the couch before I develop bedsores (-fitness)
• Seek non-violent resolution between the Naughty Sorceress and the Council of Loathing (+alignment)
• Send the Council a telegram saying they're doing a great job (+alignment)
• Send "thinking of you" bouquets to your twenty closest friends (+socialization)
• Seriously consider going vegetarian (+fitness?)
• Shrink attention span until (-intelligence)
• Sit at home alone in the dark until you start to enjoy it or at least accept it (-socialization)
• Smile and wave to strangers (+socialization)
• Smile at a homeless person (+alignment?)
• Smoke at least a pack a day, maybe two on good days (-fitness)
• Solve Fermat's Last Theorem (+intelligence)
• Spend all money on presents for sick children (+alignment)
• Spend as much time on the treadmill as I do asleep at night (+fitness)
• Spend hours a day playing video games (-intelligence?)
• Spend time in the chat of the Best Game Ever (+socialization)
• Start a foundation for adventurers alienated by new quest content (?)
• Start compost heap to reduce landfill waste (+alignment)
• Start watching reality tv (-intelligence)
• Stay up all night drinking, go to a noon barbeque and a night time party the next day (?)
• Stay up until dawn partying with your twenty closest friends (+socialization)
• Stew about how successful you could be if everyone else didn't stop screwing you over (-socialization)
• Stop showering and grooming to cultivate nasty odor (-socialization)
• Strike up a conversation with a stranger (+socialization)
• Suffer without complaint for a noble cause (+alignment)
• Suspect that other people don't have the same depth of thought or emotion as I do (-socialization?)
• Take first place in an Entire-Ham-Eating contest (-fitness)
• Take the elevator to the mezzanine, chump, to avoid going up half flight of stairs (-fitness)
• Tear the tags off of mattresses (-alignment)
• Tell all friends, enemies, and strangers what you REALLY think of them (-socialization)
• Tell jokes to break the ice at a party (+socialization)
• Tell white lies, possibly even pink ones (-alignment?)
• Throw a raging kegger with, like, bands and everything. Awesome. (+socialization)
• Throw yourself a huge birthday party, buy presents for all the guests (+socialization)
• Tie damsel to railroad tracks (-alignment)
• Torture minions (-alignment)
• Train for pie eating contest by eating four entire pies (-fitness)
• Treat loose-fitting clothes as a challenge to be met with increased cheese consumption (-fitness)
• Try to awaken sleeping Elder Gods (-alignment)
• Use all the toilet paper; don't replace the roll (-alignment)
• View "serving size" as a challenge (-fitness)
• Volunteer time and money to save the whales (+alignment)
• Volunteer time and money to save the whales in the Rainforest (+alignment?)
• Walk around house instead of riding scooter (+fitness)
• Walk to the corner store instead of driving (+fitness)
• Wash and wax all of your dozen closest friends' cars (+socialization)
• Watch films that have symbolism and depth (+intelligence)
• Watch only documentary films (+intelligence)
• Watch only movies that feature hilarious crotch-punching or fat guys falling down (?)
• Watch only professional wrestling (-intelligence)
• Write a beautiful love song about Susie the Arena Mistress (?)
• Write Crimbo cards to every friend and acquaintance (+socialization)
• Write letter to Loathing Herald-Times-Tribune-Messenger about civil rights abuses in Knob Goblin Menagerie (+alignment)
• Write mean responses to happy Book of Faces posts (?)

Notes

• The random actions are displayed with strikethrough markup.
• Random actions always move a stat away from center. A low stat will trigger an action that decreases the stat further; a high stat will trigger an action that increases it.

References

• Fermat's Last Theorem was an unsolved conjecture from 1637 until 1995.
• Poisoning Pigeons in the Park is a Tom Lehrer song (1959).
• "Take the elevator to the mezzanine, chump" is an excerpt from the lyrics of Soul Coughing's 1996 song "Super Bon Bon".