Daily Loathing Ballot

Choice adventure number: 1331

Daily Loathing Ballot

Kingdom-Wide Ballot

Vote today for tomorrow's leader!

Two of:

Allieroth Lechona - The Pork Elf Historical Preservation Party is dedicated to preserving the history and traditions of the ancient Pork Elves who once populated these lands.

"In order to really get in touch with our Pork Elf forebears, I propose a strict curtailing of unnatural modern technologies such as electricity and round ears. Getting back in touch with Pork Elf society in this way will make life much better for everyone!"

or

"In order to promote a greater degree of oneness with the ancient Pork Elves, I'm proposing a hefty tax break for any citizen willing to undergo an easy and harmless medical procedure to reintroduce Pork Elf DNA into our gene pool. You could be an actual Pork Elf, sort of, and save a bunch on your taxes as well! It's win-win!" (leads to Terrible mutant)

Ferka Vlaicu - Clan Ventrilo has determined that, in the current social climate, it is acceptable for vampires to run for office openly -- rather than ruling the human cattle from the shadows as they traditionally do.

"Some have called it selfish that we vampires do not share our Darke Gifte with everyone, and I have taken these vords to heart. If I am elected, I promise to begin a program to research the effects of bringing this blessing to the entire population. Blah! Blah!" (leads to Slime blob)

or

"Vouldn't you like to see your deceased loved ones again? If elected, I pledge to use my dark powers to return them to you! Muah-ha-ha!" (leads to Angry ghost)

Agent Julia Wood, Federal Dept. of Processing - The Bureau of Efficient Government is dedicated to making the Kingdom's government operate in a more efficient manner, by streamlining and removing redundancy and inefficiency in the Kingdom's government.

"I don't think I need to tell you that graveyards are a terribly inefficient use of space. I pledge to immediately re-zone all such areas as parking lots and grazing fields."

or

"A government cannot be truly efficient unless its citizens are also efficient. As we say in the Bureau, "Waste makes waste." If elected, I will enact strictly enforced efficiency laws, which will of course be to everyone's benefit." (leads to Government bureaucrat)

or

"Distribution of necessary medical care is one of the largest sources of waste and inefficiency in our government. If elected, I will distribute all the medications for all known diseases simultaneously, in the water supply. The benefits are obvious."

Priest Ronnie Rose - The Scions of Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal are dedicated to creating the conditions necessary for their totally benevolent god to break through into our dimension, which will be pleasant and fun for everybody.

"In order to increase awareness of our really great god Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal, if elected I will begin a program of rituals that will open the public's minds to his good and cool energies. You'll be able to feel his presence directly, in your dreams! Won't that be great?" (leads to Terrible mutant)

or

"It's come to my attention that some people are performing counter-rituals to prevent the summoning of Ich'Xuul'kor the Good and Normal to this world! What kind of terrible person would do such a thing? If elected, I vow to hunt these evil people down and put a stop to their nefarious schemes!"

or

"The Book of Smiling Teeth prophesizes that the Good and Normal One will arrive to the sound of a great hissing, with a great many of his limbless children writhing along the ground. So we figure he likes snakes? Everyone loves snakes, they're really cool, right? Snakes for everybody!" (leads to Annoyed snake)

Bob Juprezrez - The Extra-Terrific Party is dedicated making the Kingdom more habitable to alien lifeforms. Purely for tourism purposes.

"It has come to my attention that your people don't have... well, it isn't pronounceable in your language, or with your vocal cords. Let's call it "health juice". It is a wondrous chemical that my people use to ensure we have all the correct vitamins and minerals for the health of our physical bodies. If elected, I will be happy to share this technology with you, and even set up distribution within your drinking water." (leads to Terrible mutant)

or

"As you know, my people do not bear antibodies for many... well, most... actually all, of your Earth diseases. In order to ensure a healthy environment for my people when they... visit, I will enact a rigorous and comprehensive DNA harvesting program, in order to formulate the correct vaccines. Rest assured, the procedure is completely painless, and the slight memory loss is more than outweighed by the great technological advances my people will definitely be sharing with you." (leads to Government bureaucrat)

or

"The fuel my people use for our warp engines can be refined from very common elements of your planet's crust, like granite and chalk, which is one of the reasons we are so eager to visit. Besides, you know, all your quaint little tourist attractions and so on. If elected, I will have mining and refining processes begin immediately, so that a proper "trade" relationship between our people can be properly established. You need not fear any disruption of your surface landscape, and I assure you that the refining process does not produce any waste materials worth mentioning."

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Local Initiatives

Your local budget only supports two projects.

Four of:

Mandatory 6pm curfew.

+-2 Adventure(s) per day

Ban belts.

+30% Pants Drops from Monsters

Reduced taxes at all income levels.

+30% Meat from Monsters

Kingdomwide air-conditioning subsidies.

+10 Cold Damage

Rock the Vote!

Vote Rocked! A poll worker comes over and hands you a shiny sticker.

You acquire an item: "I Voted!" sticker

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Vote Later

You decide to consider your ballot more carefully before casting your vote.

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Occurs at Right Side of the Tracks.

Notes

• Initiatives are character-specific, and last for the day the vote was held. Possible initiatives include:

Initiative	Effect
Exercise ban.	Muscle -20
Mandatory morning calisthenics for all citizens.	Muscle +25%
Reduced public education spending.	Mysticality -20
Replace all street signs with instructions for arcane rituals.	Mysticality +25%
Ban on petroleum-based gels and pomades.	Moxie -20
Compulsory dance lessons every weekend.	Moxie +25%
Subsidies for health potion manufacturers.	Maximum HP +30%
Vaccination reversals for all citizens.	Maximum HP -50%
Carbonate the water supply.	Maximum MP +30%
All bedsheets replaced with giant dryer sheets.	Maximum MP -50%
"Song that Never Ends" pumped throughout speakers in all of Kingdom.	+10 to Monster Level
Add sedatives to the water supply.	-10 to Monster Level
Require boxing videos to be played on all bar televisions.	+4 Muscle Stats Per Fight
Emergency eye make-up stations installed in all public places.	+4 Moxie Stats Per Fight
Deployment of a network of aerial mana-enhancement drones.	+4 Mysticality Stats Per Fight
Municipal journaling initiative.	+3 Stats Per Fight
Distracting noises broadcast through compulsory teeth-mounted radio receivers.	-3 Stats Per Fight
Repeal leash laws.	+2 Familiar Experience Per Combat
Shut down all local dog parks.	-2 Familiar Experience Per Combat
Make all new clothes out of asbestos.	Serious Hot Resistance (+3)
Require all garments to be fleece-lined.	Serious Cold Resistance (+3)
Free public nose-plug dispensers.	Serious Stench Resistance (+3)
Outlaw black clothing and white makeup.	Serious Spooky Resistance (+3)
Widespread distribution of "CENSORED" bars.	Serious Sleaze Resistance (+3)
Pocket flamethrowers issued to all citizens.	+10 Hot Damage
Kingdomwide air-conditioning subsidies.	+10 Cold Damage
Artificial butter flavoring dispensers on every street corner.	+10 Sleaze Damage
All forms of deodorant are now illegal.	+10 Stench Damage
Free civic weapon sharpening program.	Weapon Damage +100%
Safety features added to all melee weapons.	Weapon Damage -50%
Mandatory martial arts classes for all citizens.	+20 Damage to Unarmed Attacks
Requirement that all weapon handles be buttered.	-10% chance of Critical Hit
Open a local portal to a dimension of pure arcane power.	Spell Damage +20%
Emissions cap on all magic-based combustion.	Spell Damage -50%
Compulsory firearm and musical instrument safety training for all citizens.	Ranged Damage +100%
Addition of 37 letters to end of alphabet so existing names are all earlier in queues.	+25% Combat Initiative
All citizens required to look all four ways before crossing the street.	-30% Combat Initiative
State-mandated bed time of 8PM.	+1 Adventure(s) per day
Mandatory 6pm curfew	+-2 Adventure(s) per day
Institute GBLI (Guaranteed Basic Loot Income.)	+15% Item Drops from Monsters
Mandatory item tithing.	-20% Item Drops from Monsters
Reduced taxes at all income levels.	+30% Meat from Monsters
Increased taxes at all income levels.	-30% Meat from Monsters
Sales tax free weekend for back-to-school shopping.	+30% Gear Drops from Monsters
State nudity initiative.	-50% Gear Drops from Monsters
Subsidies for dentists.	+30% Candy Drops from Monsters
A chicken in every pot!	+30% Food Drops from Monsters
Happy Hour extended by 23 additional hours.	+30% Booze Drops from Monsters
Ban belts.	+30% Pants Drops from Monsters

• Selecting no candidate fails with the message:

You must vote for a candidate.

• Selecting more or less than two initiatives fails with the message:

You must vote for two, and only two, local initiatives.