Dr. Awkward's Office
Dr. Awkward's Office is located in The Palindome on the right side of the dome, after reading "I Love Me, Vol. I".
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The door to Dr. Awkward's office opens, not into an office, but into a small antechamber with no visible exits other than the door you just came in.
The back wall has a curious display -- a column of four empty photo frames. You dig through your bag to see if you have any photographs that look like they'd fit in the frames... |
- Without the correct placement of items on shelves:
Nothing seems to happen, so you pick your stuff back up and head elsewhere.
- With the correct placement of items on shelves:
Just as you finish placing the items on the shelves, you hear a loud rumbling noise. The ketchup hound leaps out of the way with a yip as the shelves collapse into a cloud of dust and rubble, revealing a tall, narrow niche behind the stonework, and in the niche stands the Staff of Fats. Excitedly, you reach for it, but just then there is a shout behind you: "Stop, spots!"
You spin around to see a bald man in spectacles and a very severe black trench coat striding toward you. "Stop! Nine myriad murmur! Put up rum -- rum, dairymen! In pots!"
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking ab-- ow!" (That's where he clubbed you on the head.)
"Draw, o coward!" he hisses, as he pulls a thin rapier from his cane and advances on you.
"Oh, it's on, buddy."
You ready your weapon and charge forward, only to trip over your own feet and fall on your face. "O tarts! A castrato!" laughs the sinister figure. You stand, growling, and launch yourself at him again, with much the same result. It's as though all your aptitudes and reflexes have been drained by his evil presence!
He leaves you beaten to a pulp and strides away with the Staff of Fats, chuckling evilly. Jerk.
 | You lose all hit points. |
But wait... what's this? He seems to have dropped the second volume of his autobiography...
 | You acquire an item: "2 Love Me, Vol. 2" |
- Afterwards, before reading "2 Love Me, Vol. 2":
???
- After visiting Mr. Alarm's Office, before acquiring the Mega Gem:
???
- After acquiring the Mega Gem, but not having it equipped:
You need to be wearing the Mega Gem if you want to get past Dr. Awkward's clumsiness field.
- With the Mega Gem equipped:
 Dr. Awkward  -- (edit metadata)
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- After defeating Dr. Awkward:
Dr. Awkward's office is empty now.
Notes
- The correct order is hinted at in Your father's MacGuffin diary. The solution is:
- Shelf #1 -- photograph of God
- Shelf #2 -- photograph of a red nugget
- Shelf #3 -- photograph of a dog
- Shelf #4 -- photograph of an ostrich egg
- You lose the quest items once you place the items in the proper order.
- Once you place the items in the right order and lose all your HP, you receive 4 adventures of Beaten Up after you lose all HP, instead of the usual 3.
