Dry noodle guide

Dry noodle cooking can be broken down into several types: basic, saucy, meins, lasagnas, and wontons.

Basic Dry Noodle

Pasta Dish	Ingredient	Adventures	Stat gains	Fullness
boring spaghetti	tomato	4-11	6-8 Strongness, 6-8 Mysteriousness, 6-8 Smarm	3
delicious noodles	herbs	4-12	9-25 Smarm	3
spicy noodles	spices	6-12	-	3
delicious spicy noodles	secret blend of herbs and spices	7-15	29-33 Mysteriousness	3
painful penne pasta	jabañero pepper	5-13	17-20 Strongness †	3
pr0n m4nic0tti	pr0n legs	8-14	28-30 Smarm	4
ravioli della hippy	wad of tofu	4-12	19-23 Mysteriousness	3

† painful penne pasta will cause you to lose 20-23 HP.

Of these, the best is clearly the delicious spicy noodles offering 10.3 stats per fullness and 3.7 adventures per fullness. However, the difficulty with these is it requires spices and herbs. Spices may be difficult to obtain. Additionally, one could make significantly better chow meins with the herbs and spices.

Failing easy access to secret blends the next best for adventures at 3.2 adventures per fullness and with acceptable stats at 6.0 stats per fullness is the painful penne pasta, though this also requires access to the hermit for the jabañero pepper.

Without touching the hermit, boring spaghetti and ravioli della hippy both offer 7.0 stats per fullness. Spaghetti offers 2.5 adventures per fullness while ravioli della hippy is 2.7 adventures per fullness. The advantage of boring spaghetti is the easy tomato drops at low levels and that one can buy tomatoes from the hippy store later in the game if needed.

Delicious noodles are a reasonable choice if one is trying to work on moxie offering slightly better adventures per fullness at 2.8, though lower stats per fullness at 5.7.

Pr0n m4nic0tti is now a viable choice with 2.8 adventures per fullness and 7.X stats per fullness.

Reagent dishes (Saucy dry noodles)

Food name	Base food item	Sauce name	Adventure Gain	Stat gain
fettucini Inconnu	goat cheese	fancy schmancy cheese sauce	21 - 28	47 - 52 Smarm
gnocchetti di Nietzsche	Knob mushroom	Himalayan Hidalgo sauce	21 - 28	47 - 52 Mysteriousness
spaghetti with Skullheads	Knob sausage	sauce of the ages	21 - 28	47 - 52 Strongness
Hell ramen	hellion cube	Hell broth	22 - 28	23 - 28 in each stat and meat
spaghetti con calaveras	marzipan skull	Salsa de las Epocas	22 - 26	23 - 52 Strongness

There are five saucy dry noodles, of which four are about the same - one working for each stat. All sauce dishes are 6 fullness items meaning that without Stomach of Steel, one can only eat two a day. With Stomach of Steel, one is able to eat three per day.

Hell ramen is the best of the set with the most stats per fullness at 12.8. The other three offer 8.3 stats per fullness, though in a particular area. This makes them choice dishes for Stat Days where the 25% bonus can be used with best efficiency.

Although the spaghetti con calaveras requires learning the recipe from the April Shower, one can purchase a marzipan skull if they have access to the Gno-Mart, a distinct advantage over the other dishes.

All Sauce dishes offer about 4.2 adventures per fullness.

Lo meins

Lo Mein	Base Ingredient	Adventures	Stat gains	Fullness
asparagus lo mein	stalk of asparagus	9-16	10-14 Strongness 12-16 Mysteriousness.	3
Knob lo mein	Knob mushroom	14-20	30-34 Mysteriousness	4
Knoll lo mein	Knoll mushroom	14-21	30-34 Strongness	4
olive lo mein	olive	9-16	10-14 Strongness 10-14 Smarm	3
spooky lo mein	spooky mushroom	14-21	30-34 Smarm	4

Lo meins are the lowest tier of all three meins. They can be cooked using Pastamastery by cooking dry noodles with a first-tier stir fry (the base ingredient cooked with a secret blend of herbs and spices). The Wok of Ages is not required.

Chow mein

Food name	Stir-fry	Protein	Adventures	Stat Gains	Fullness
tofu chow mein	asparagus stir-fry	wad of tofu	11-19	18-22 Strongness 20-25 Mysteriousness	3
pr0n chow mein	olive stir-fry	pr0n legs	16-24	20-26 Strongness 20-26 Smarm	4
Knob sausage chow mein	Knoll stir-fry	Knob sausage	21-28	72-76 Strongness	5
bat wing chow mein	Knob stir-fry	bat wing	21-28	70-75 Mysteriousness	5
rat appendix chow mein	spooky stir-fry	rat appendix	21-28	70-75 Smarm	5

The chow mein dishes are some of the best foods in the Kingdom. They all require a secret blend of herbs and spices, dry noodles, MSG and one or two other ingredients. You need Pastamastery to summon the dry noodles and Transcendental Noodlecraft to create chow mein. Generally, the tofu and pr0n chow meins are considered separate from the other chow meins, due to their lower fullness, lower stat boosts, and irregular recipes.

Hi meins

Hi Mein	Base Sauce	Pulverize a... (Lvl available)	Adventures	Muscle	Mysticality	Moxie	Fullness
cold hi mein	cold and sour sauce	frozen nunchaku (8)	21-28	70-75	30-35	15-20	5
hot hi mein	hot and sour sauce	demon buckler (6)	21-28	70-75	15-20	30-35	5
sleazy hi mein	sleazy and sour sauce	buffalo blade (6)	21-28	25-30	25-30	70-75	5
spooky hi mein	spooky and sour sauce	spiked femur (6)	21-28	15-20	70-75	30-35	5
stinky hi mein	stench and sour sauce	lihc face (7)	21-28	30-35	70-75	15-20	5

Hi meins are an improved type of chow mein. They are created by kicking elemental sour sauces up a notch in The Wok of Ages. Transcendental Noodlecraft is required to access The Wok of Ages. The Way of Sauce is required to make the elemental sour sauces. You must be able to Pulverize equipment to get half of the ingredients for the elemental sour sauces.

There are several disadvantages to hi meins that offset their advantages. Access to The Malus of Forethought is only available to Muscle classes, while The Wok of Ages is only accessible to Mysticality classes. Therefore, characters in Hardcore will have to belong to a Mystical class to make and consume hi mein, and will have to wait until they've found and smashed equipment good enough to produce elemental nuggets without the Malus' special combining properties. The Pulverize a... column lists a lower-level option for nuggets, although some level-independent options like the Cerebral Crossbow also exist.

Lasagnas

Lasagna	Base Food	Seasoning	Casserole	Adventures	Stat Gains	Fullness
gnat lasagna	filet of tangy gnat ("fotelif")	ancient spice	gnatloaf casserole	11-18	45-55 Strongness	3
long pork lasagna	long pork	black pepper	long pork casserole	11-18	45-55 Mysteriousness	3
fishy fish lasagna	displaced fish	dehydrated caviar	fishy fish casserole	11-18	45-55 Smarm	3

Lasagnas are slightly less effective than chow meins and they can not be eaten until level 11. Lasagnas only require 2 ingredients, compared to 4 for the chow meins. However, each lasagna includes ingredients not available until level 11. The Wok of Ages is required.

Wontons

Wonton	McMillicancuddy Item	Base Food	Food	Adventures	Muscle	Mysticality	Moxie	Fullness
sausage wonton	McMillicancuddy's Special Lager	frat brats	beer basted brat	12-18	50-80	20-30	20-30	3
tofu wonton	megatofu	mixed wildflower greens	super salad	11-18	20-30	50-80	20-30	3

Each wonton requires an ingredient available only after completing the Defowl the Farm quest during level 12 and either visiting the farm or obtaining an instant rations kit. The sausage wonton, which is comparable to a chow mein, is slightly better than the tofu wonton, which is comparable with the lasagna. As with the lasagna, they only require 2 ingredients, and may be more helpful in Aftercore than a regular run. The Wok of Ages is required.