Haiku combat

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The Haiku Dungeon, unlike other areas, is all in haiku.

Haiku State of Mind lets you bring Skullhead's haikus everywhere you go.

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Losing Initiative

Before you're ready the fiend starts beating on you. So much for sneaking.

The monster attacks before you're even ready. Dang, man. What a jerk!

"Hang on one second," you say, but <it> ignores you. That trick never works.

Gaining Initiative

You leap at your foe, throwing caution to the wind, and get the first strike.

You jump at your foe, and strike before <it>'s ready. Nice and sportsmanlike.

Before <it> sees you, you're already attacking. You're sneaky like that.

Player Messages

Pickpocketing

Successfully Pickpocketing an item

You acquire something at a serious discount with your deft fingers.

Failing to Pickpocket an item

Y'know that... uh... thing? That thing you just tried to do? Well, it didn't work.

Your attempt failed. If at first you don't succeed, maybe just give up?

Weapon Attacks

Successful Attack

Curiosity dealt X damage to the cat. Like you to your foe.	Frogs avert their eyes as you strike for X damage sissy little frogs.	Justice comes swiftly courtesy of your weapon you do X damage.
You do X damage like a peaceful summer rain that does X damage.	You deal X damage with a thrust of your weapon. Nearby, a loon honks.	A freezing wind blows you coldcock this dumb monster for XX damage.
Misplaced platypus watches you hit XX damage. Man, that thing's sure lost.	Your weapon flashes a flock of herons takes flight you hit XX times	Monster's desire not to get hit XX times sorry, evil guy.
XXX damage as the stars wheel overhead monster vertigo.	A tricky riddle: who did XXX damage? The answer: you, stud!	Like cherry blossoms your blows rain down on your foe. XXX damage.
Question this answer: Just did XXX damage. You? (suck it, Trebek!)	You're the bus driver so you take your foe to school: XXX damage.	Your brutal attack deals XXXX damage to your hapless foe.
A sweet summer breeze Wafts around you as you strike XXXX times.	Flocks of cranes in flight fleeing the scene where you caused pain beyond measure.	Autumn leaves falling sound nothing like your weapon as it smacks your foe.
Wow, did you see that? Did you count the damage done? Well, neither did I.	Learn self-reliance calculate your own damage math is hard, young one.	Ripples in a pond a flowing crimson river blood drips from your foe.

Misses

You throw some punches great enthusiasm, but low accuracy.	Casey at the bat, and by "Casey" I mean "you." A swing and a miss.	A vicious attack as harrowing as it was ineffectual.
The air is still still despite your useless flailing. (Your attack misses.)	You swing your weapon and hit nothing but the air. Did the air hurt you?

Critical hits

That was quite a hit! True, palpable, CRITICAL! (Constructively so.)

Fumbles

These messages are followed by a "Receiving Damage" message.

A gentle spring breeze is wafted by your weapon as it hits the floor.	Hey, pay attention! What just got the drop on you? Oh. Your weapon did.	Winter icicles easily slip through your grasp much like your weapon.
You trip and autumn which is a lot like falling only it hurts more.

Receiving Damage

Bamboo leaves rustle, your blood falls like gentle rain. You lose X hp.	The cherry blossoms are as pink as your hit points, X of which you lose.	Birds can fly away avoiding XX damage. You are not a bird.
The blood flows like wine -- XX points' worth of wine -- from your many wounds.	You feel like a worm. A worm who was just stepped on by XX big feet.	The blood flows like wine (XXX points' worth of wine) from your many wounds.
XXX hit points used to be in your bloodstream. Now they're on the ground.	You got beat so hard that I had to look away. Seek medical help.	You lose some HP -- Far, far too many to count. My condolences.

Skill Messages

Unsuccessfully Using a Skill

This is frustrating -- you can't use that skill right now. You kick a pebble.

Dealing Damage via a Skill

You use your mad skills, lay the smack down on your foe: you did X damage.	You do X damage as the harvest moon rises. Skilled adventurer!	You've got some mad skills, one of which you have just used to deal X damage.
Marketable skills? Not so much, but useful for dealing X damage.	A nearby frog croaks, your foe takes XX damage at your skillful hands.	You use that one skill you know, that one skill you have? XX damage, yo.
A skillful attack while the koi sleep in their pond does XX damage.	The sound of your skill echoes off a canyon wall. XXX damage...	You show to your foe you're skilled in the ways of PAIN: XXX damage.
By a limpid pool you deal XXX damage using your mad skills.	Like a skillful frog you do XXX damage. Wait, a skillful frog?	By using a skill, you deal a lot of damage. How much? A whole bunch.

Dealing Damage via a Spell

Punching's for suckers. You work up a spell instead it does X damage.	You work up a spell It's magic'lly malicious doing X damage.	You decide to do some prestidigitation dealing X damage.
Your arcane magic deals X damage to your foe beneath the spring moon.	Mighty magician can you spell XX damage? I knew that you could.	For XX damage, you eff the ineffable. That was effin' great!
For XX damage, you scrute the inscrutable. Now your foe is screwed.	Your powerful spell blasts your hapless opponent for XX damage.	Mystic forces swell like a stream after the rain XX damage flows.
Lotus blossoms bloom as the spell you just cast does XXX damage.	Inscrutable koi are not as mystic as you. XXX damage.	A blast of magic about XXX points big from you to your foe.
XXX damage from the mighty spell you cast: abracadabra.	You recite a spell XXX damage bursts forth wow, that looked painful.	A blast of magic about XXX points big from you to your foe.
That was quite a spell! It did a bunch of damage! More than you could count!	Vicious spell attack hope I'm on your good side, man you're smart and funny.	Infinite damage from the spell that you just cast. That was brutal, man.
Birds drop from the sky. Your spell did so much damage they forgot to fly.	Your pupils go black mass prestidigitation: infinite carnage.

Using Entangling Noodles

The moons shine above as you cast yourself a spell. Magic, man... Magic.

Jiggling a Chefstaff

You jiggle a stick and assorted things happen. Just like summer camp.

Other Successful Skill Usage

You act skillfully and in acting skillfully accomplish something.

Summoning Pastamancer Combat Entities

You enlist some aid from a powerful ally. Powerful tasty.

Combat Items

Items with No Effect

Leaping to action, you do some stuff with a thing. It's a lot of fun.

You use an item to some inscrutable end. Hope that worked for you.

Dealing Damage via Combat Items

You sling an item like a mighty summer storm dealing X damage.		You whip out a thing no, not that thing, you pervert. It deals X damage.
Like a killing frost that deals XX damage points: a combat item.		That thing you just threw just hit for XX damage. Yay, combat item!
XXX damage that's a lot of mayhem dealt go, combat items!		You sling an item which deals XXX damage: delicious mayhem.
So much carnage dealt by the item you just threw. I just couldn't watch.		Sorry, I can't say How hard your item just hit. Blame my coffee break.

Passive Damage Dealt or Gnomitronic Hyperspatial Demodulizer Used

I don't hear so well. Did your foe ask for more pain? I'll assume they did.

HP Gain

Your wounds fly away on a refreshing spring breeze. You gain X hit points..	When XX hit points are restored to your body, you make an "ahhhhhhhh" sound.	You're feeling better -- XXX hit points better -- than you were before.
	You gain some hit points, but even the wisest sage knows not how many.

MP Gain

You feel quite refreshed, like a frog drinking soda, gaining X MP.	A contented belch. Ripples in a mystic pond. You gain X MP.	Like that wimp Dexter, you have become ENERGIZED, with XX MP.
XX magic points fall upon you like spring rain. Mana from heaven.	Spring rain falls within metaphorically, I mean. XXX mp.	XXX MP. Like that sports drink commercial -- is it in you? Yes.
Cold, clear winter night can you number all the stars? you gain much mp.		Like sand on a beach the mp you just garnered cannot be counted.

Running Away

Successfully

Your burps taste like pride, 'cause that's what you just swallowed, as you ran away.

You beat a retreat, marching to the eat of a cowardly drummer.

Unsuccessfully

Sweet, lovely freedom, like the highest-hanging fruit, is beyond your grasp.

Familiar Messages

Stat Point Increasing

Your familiar grins smiles are lousy umbrellas but good for the soul.	Your familiar smiles, you feel a big surge of pride. You take a quick bow.	You take a breather. Your familiar smiles at you. High-five, little friend!
Victory is yours! Your familiar broadly grins filling you with hope.	Sanguine, serene smile Life is better than it seems thank you, familiar.

Meat Drop Increasing

Your familiar winks, making you feel wealthier. The Meat helps, too.	You wish you had Meat. Your familiar blinks one eye. Oo, wish for ponies.	Your familiar winks Meat don't grow on trees, you know it's there on the ground.
When the dust settles your familiar blinks at you but forgets one eye.	Winking familiar more Meat for you from this fight. Coincidence? No.

Item Drop Increasing

Your comrade dances, helping you find stuff... somehow? We don't make the rules.	After the battle, your familiar dances 'round, helping you find stuff.	Lotus blossoms bloom Your familiar busts a move. Hey, look, items!
Like a bumblebee your familiar does a dance pointing out more loot.	Dancing familiar looks ridiculous, it's true but you find more stuff.

Deleveling

Your familiar sucks, which is a good thing for you, but bad for monsters.	Your pet joins the fray slowing your enemy down Right on, little guy!	Your pet latches on sucking your foe's will to live. Lotus blossoms fall.
Tiny familiar judge it by its size, do you? It slows down your foe.

Attacking

A startled heron cranes its neck to see your friend hit for %dmg damage.	Crickets loudly chirp, Your pet throws down X damage Wow! By Jiminy!	Wind through the bamboo From the punches your pet throws doing X damage.
Your little buddy deals X damage to your foe. Friendship is awesome.	Your girlfriend was wrong: Your pet hits for X damage. Size doesn't matter.	Friends with benefits: your pet hits for X damage. Wha'd you think I meant?
A warm summer rain of X blows falls on your foe, thanks to your buddy.
Generous buddy shares XX blows with your foe. How magnanimous!	You can't bear too look as your pet leaps in the fray. You hear XX SMACKS.	Oblivious frogs don't see your familiar hit for XX damage.
Placid, tranquil pond Contrasts starkly with your pet, which hits XX times.	Sometimes love can hurt your pet clearly loves your foe XX different ways.	Bloodthirsty midget your familiar swiftly strikes for XX damage.
You abhor vi'lence but your buddy disagrees striking XX times.	Your familiar hits, inflicting XX damage. Nice work, little guy!	Wars not make one great but your pet's XX damage sure isn't half bad.
Twilight silence falls Your pet does XX damage. Violent little guy.
XXX damage that's how hard your pet just hit. Such great loyalty!	Irrelevant koi swim nearby as your pet deals XXX damage.	Faithful companion hits for XXX damage. Make sure you say thanks.
You care for your pet loyalty rewarded with XXX damage.	Your little buddy inflicts XXX damage Friendship is awesome.	Before you can blink Your familiar swiftly throws XXX punches.
Lotus blossoms bloom your pet hits XXX times handy little guy.
Wow, did you just see how much damage your friend did? Well, neither did I.	Contemptuous foe underestimates your pet and gets beaten down.	Your little buddy inflicts a lot of damage. Way too much to count.
Stars in the night sky too many to be counted like your pet's attack.

General

Aw, that was so cute! I wish you had just seen what your buddy just did.	Mysterious friend what did your familiar do? Meditate on that.	While you're not looking, your familiar does something. Wonder what it was.
Your familiar acts, but you don't see what it does. I'm sure it was cute.	Your familiar strikes just like a tiny ninja (you missed what it did).

Leveling Up

From that vicious fight your familiar gains a pound. Vi'lence is its food.	Your little buddy is now slightly less little, having gained a pound.	From the exercise your familiar puts on weight. But it's all muscle.
Your pet's gaining weight best that you not mention it for its self-esteem.	Your pet gains a pound perhaps you should say something: "lay off the twinkies."	Your pet gains a pound. Now there's more of it to love. Just don't tell it that.

Enemy messages

Introduction Text

Spring is for lovers, but autumn is for fighting. You see a leaf fall.

You are in combat, but you probably knew that. Sorry to bug you.

Like a fierce cobra fighting a deadly mongoose, you're fighting this thing.

Entering Combat

Monsters step to you what was that about your mom? Time to regulate.	Fighting solves nothing, but you really must admit it helps pass the time.	A fiendish monster isn't always a bad thing. This one, though? It is.
Hey, look, a monster! Get medieval on its ass or post-Renaissance.	Like a serene pond you're not looking for a fight. Sadly, one found you.

Miss Messages

Your foe misses you like your mother, wondering "Why doesn't he write?"	Your foe's last attack was like spitting in the sea: ineffectual.	It lunges at you, but ah, Zeno's paradox. It never makes it.
A gentle zephyr caresses your tranquil face, from your foe's missed blow.	Tranquil summer nights much like his attack attempts do not hurt at all.	An enraged monster throws a series of wild blows, inaccurately.
He tries to bite you, but due to your fast footwork, bites only thin air.	Spring near a still pond is somewhat like this moment: Neither one hurts you.

Special Attacks

Your foe must have sleeves, because there were tricks up them. Painful, nasty tricks.

Your powerful foe does something unusual and no doubt harmful.

Dealing Passive or Counter-Attack Damage

You take some damage. In case it was to your ears: YOU TAKE SOME DAMAGE.

Enemy Is Stunned

The monster is stunned by your panache, your good looks, and some other thing.

End of Combat

Winning the Fight

With your final blow, you deliver the smackdown. Sweet, sweet victory.	You're victorious, so your name must be Victor. To you go the spoils.	Your foe hits the floor like a bag full of wet sand. It looks like you've won!
You did your best, friend. Losers whine about their best but you're no loser!	Know what time it is? Time for a victory dance! A winner is you!

Gaining Substats

Muscle Substats

Biceps, triceps, abs, combat's quite a workout, huh? You gain X muscle.	You work up a sweat, gain X muscle from the fight. Sweet! Now go shower.	Gentle reeds must bend but you're mightier than that. You gain X muscle.
You're feeling stronger, having gained X Beefiness. Mighty mighty you.	XX muscle gained. You flex your brawny biceps. Time for the gun show.	Do you know a vet? Because these puppies are sick. You gain XX brawn.
Your muscles tingle, some muscles more than others. You get XX brawn.	All will fear your might. XX muscularity fills your mighty bod.	XXX muscle: someone needs to call a vet. These pythons are sick.
Like the mighty oak you stand strong before the gale: XXX muscle.	Time for the gun show with your XXXX brawn you've got your ticket.

Gaining a Muscle Point

Flex that bicep! Yeah! You just gained a Muscle point. You're the man now, dog.

You been workin' out? 'Cause you're lookin' pretty buff! (Your Muscle went up.)

Your rippling muscles strike fear into enemies. Stat gain for the win.

Gaining Mysticality substats:

Nothing up your sleeve X magic in your brainpan. Abracadabra.	Delicious magic Your hungry brain scarfs it down. Yum! It tastes like X!	Stars wheel above you. Ancient wisdom fills your brain. You gain X magic!
You gain X magic. Pull a rabbit from a hat? Nah, that's too cliche.	Relax post-combat contemplate the infinite gain XX wisdom.	Swirling cosmic rays penetrate you XX times then they never call.
XXX magic enters into your third eye. Man, that kind of stings.	Mystic forces swell XXX points fill your brain. Hocus pocus, yo.	XXXX points? That's a lot of magic, dude. Gather it all up.
Wow, did you just gain XXXX magic points? Yup, you really did.	Magic lolhaiku: My XXXX new points let me show you them.	Want some magic, kid? First XXXX are free. The rest will cost you.

Gaining a Mysticality Point

Mysticality. For you, it has just increased. Abracadabra!

The planets aligned, your Mysticality rose. By an entire point!

Gaining Moxie Substats

Extend both thumbs. Who just got X more Moxie? You assert: this guy!	Tranquil zen gardens look uptight next to your cool you get X more Smarm.	Like a winter breeze, keeping your cool in battle, you gain X Chutzpah.
A refreshing pond Is still not as cool as you you gain X Moxie.	Blazing autumn leaves are not as awesome as you. Gain XX moxie.	You've got more Chutzpah. XX more, to be exact. You high-five yourself.
Your friends gaze in awe. Your new XXX moxie turns them springtime green.	Post-battle strutting nets you XXX Chutzpah. Stylish and deadly.	Wow, how cool are you? Spring breeze cool. To be precise: XXXX cool.
Post-battle strutting nets you XXXX Smarm. Stylish and deadly.

Gaining a Moxie Point

Here's some welcome news: You just gained a Moxie point! Go get 'em, tiger!

You're as smooth as silk, as cool as a popsicle. Your Moxie went up!

Leveling Up

Congratulations! You've gained an entire level! That's pretty awesome!

Your power, it grows stronger than ever before. You've gained a level!

Overkilling Hobos in Hobopolis Town Square

Holy freakin' cow! You beat that hobo down good! (Good for you, not him.)

Getting Meat

What's this on the ground? You have discovered X Meat. Time to go shopping!	You acquire X Meat. That was easy, wasn't it? Like Sunday mornin'.	Are you feeling poor? Do you wish you had X Meat? Your wish is granted!
If meat grows on trees, then it must be autumn now: you gain XX meat.	You find XX Meat just lying there on the ground. Wow! What are the odds!?	You find XX Meat, and decide you will keep it. Capitalism!
The harvest moon glows you can see XXX Meat ripe for the picking.	On the nearby ground you can see XXX Meat. Score! You pick it up.	XXXX Meat lies on the ground before you. Sweet! You pocket it.
XXXX Meat does not grow on trees, you know. It lies on the ground.	Blessed currency! You find some Meat and increase your buying power.	You gain so much meat. Know what's totally awesome? Capitalism!

Item Drops

Cranes frozen in flight time seems to stand still for you As you spy a X.	By the harvest moon you can spy a gleaming X. You hork it and jet.	Hey, look, it's a X! Just like grandma used to make. Gaffle it right now.
By a lotus plant You see a nifty XX. You grab it and go.	Wind through the bamboo whispers, "here, have a XX." You do not argue.	Hey, want a XX? Feel the greed within you rise come to the dark side.
Loot falls like spring rain, keen eyes spy a XXX. Yoink! Now it is yours.	Can't get what you want, unless it's an XXX. Serendipity!
A XXXX is now yours for the taking. As such, you take it.	You find an item. A XXXX, in fact. A looter is you!
XXXXX was once your foe's, is now yours. Beaters-up, keepers.	Near you on the ground is a XXXXX. You hork it and jet.
Hey, look: it's a thing! Just like you've always wanted! Snag it while you can.	You find an item, and trust me when I tell you: it's quite a nice one!

Gaining MP

You put your feet up and contemplate the battle. You're pretty badass.	After the battle, like an iron lung burglar, you take a breather.	The fight is over. You lie tranquil on the ground, maxin', relaxin'.
	That was a hard fight. You deserve a break today, so you rest a while.

Other

Twiddling

You twiddle your thumbs. It's not very productive, but it's kinda fun.

Gaining an Effect

You're effectual on account of the effect you have just acquired.

You gain an effect. Impromptu grammar lesson: effects affect you.

Notes

See all those X's? Each X is a syllable that fits in the gap.

For instance, XX could be sixteen, or ninety, or seven, or else.

Keep in mind, also, numbers are shown instead of being written out.

However, when none are shown the number has too many syllables.

Keep an eye on your stats-- gaining many shows the same haiku as just one.

Temporary Blindness doesn't work correctly: "You're fighting the darkness."

Attack messages give the monster's name away; Miss messages too.

Other sources of items use the same messages as the item drops

References

Zeno's paradox proves motion does not exist! Damn philosophers.