Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot
| Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot |
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| Hi-yaa, yarrr, braaaaains, bleep Schizophrenic familiar Four bastards in one |
Ability: Either heals your MP and HP, attacks your enemy, gives you Meat, delevels your opponent, or stuns them and gives you toast
Hatchling: 
ninja pirate zombie robot
Familiar-Specific Equipment: 
rhesus monkey
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Ultimate Cage Match | Scavenger Hunt | Obstacle Course | Hide and Seek |
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*Hover for details
 Cannot breathe underwater
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- Regular messages:
- <name> bleeps, "MEDICAL SYSTEMS ACTIVATED," and fires a dart into your neck. You suddenly feel much better.
You gain some hit points. 
You gain some Mana Points. - <name> shambles up to your opponent with a "Graaaaagh," and bites him on the head. He seems a little dazed by the experience.
- You hear a faint howling of wind, and <name> suddenly appears out of the shadows, holding your opponent's meat pouch. You gain X Meat.
- <name> shouts "Yarrrr!" and battens your opponent's hatches for him. Violently. For X damage.
- <name> does a pelvic thrust at your opponent. A piece of toast ricochets off his head, momentarily stunning him (and/or driving him insa-a-a-a-ane.)
You acquire an item: toast
- <name> bleeps, "MEDICAL SYSTEMS ACTIVATED," and fires a dart into your neck. You suddenly feel much better.
- With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:
- <name> ravages your slain foe in a variety of ways, and discovers some extra meat.
- With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:
- <name> does a stealthy, jerky, shambling jig around the maypole.
- With wax lips equipped:
- <name> grins at you with the wax lips stuck to the outside of his mask. The effect is, on the whole, disturbing.
Notes
- Four ninja pirate zombie robots were given to balam (#31632), TedPro (#28312), Nytmare (#56672) and Vida Londres (#9035) to thank them for their work in running the LARP at KoLCon II. The secret to creating them was not divulged at that time, prompting one of the biggest spade races in KoL history as clans and individuals alike sought to unravel its riddle.
- In the above formulas for the amount of damage done or HP/MP healed, X is approximately (weight * 3/2).
- In the formula for meat stolen, X is approximately (6*weight)+10, and is independent of the area and monster. The range of meat gain is approximately (3*weight)+10, and thefts are distributed evenly over the range.
- When the familiar bites your opponent on the head, it de-levels the opponent.
- The familiar acts approximately 50% of the time, regardless of its weight.
- The familiar gives toast only about half as often as it does any other action. (There's about an 11% chance each to heal, bite, attack, or steal meat, but only 6% to give toast.)
References
- The familiar's name refers to the Ninjapiratezombierobot Clan.
- The pelvic thrust message in combat refers to the song "The Time Warp", from the movie "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", as well as "driving him insa-a-a-a-ane" which is what the pelvic thrust does according to the song. The toast derives from the ritual of throwing toast during certain screenings of the film.
- The message given when the robotic aspect of the familiar activates is possibly drawing from the British comedy series Look Around You, where in one episode a medical robot delivers anesthesia to a patient via a blowdart to the neck.
- The description of the familiar dancing around the miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped may be based on the "Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot Dance" made up by Jick and Skipperic. You can watch Jick performing it here.
Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: You first need to combine a clockwork sphere, an enchanted eyepatch, a zombie pineal gland, a glowing red eye, and a cold ninja mask together to make a ninja pirate zombie robot head. Then collect: a clockwork spine, a cheap toaster, four pine tars, eight skeleton bones, a clockwork claw, a Chest of the Bonerdagon, two spiked femurs, two disembodied brains, two clockwork sheets, frigid ninja stars, teeny-tiny ninja stars, a star throwing star, an icy-hot katana and a Blundarrrbus. Once you have collected these items, use the ninja pirate zombie robot head and the Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot will assemble itself. This familiar restores HP/MP, attacks, stuns, collects meat and sometimes gives toast. Its item is the rhesus monkey.
