Glorificus Steinemus, the Ancient Wise Woman
At long last, the prophesied one has come to claim the all-powerful, mysteriously shiny weapon. Since about two weeks ago, I have guarded it for hundreds of years. Only one in all the world is powerful enough to wield it, and that one person is... wait... clearly not you. How did you find me?
Oh, she sent you to get the weapon for her, did she? Well, I'm sorry, but that's just not the way these things are done. She has to come get it for herself. For so it is prophesied: "the ass-kicking cheerleader will take unto herself the weapon, and with it she shall smite the naughty, naughty evildoers."
Okay, I'll make you a deal. I've been down here for hundreds of years, like I said, and my throat is getting awfully dry. I hear that somewhere there is a band of peaceful, goddess-worshipping people who make fantastic tea. I shall give you the weapon if, and only if, you bring me a cup of that tea. And that cup of tea must be strong, and hot, and have honey in it, or woe shall befall you. For as it is written in the prophecy I just made up, "the adventurer shall bring the beverage, and the weapon shall go forth with him or her."
After obtaining the cup of strong herbal tea:
Ah, I see that, as prophesied, you have returned with a nice cup of tea for me. Tell me, adventurer, is the tea hot and strong? And does it have honey in it?
Then truly you have completed your quest. Here is the Curiously Shiny Ancient Evil-Bashing Axe. I trust you will deliver it to the Vampire Slayer, for she is the chosen one. Well, she's one of the chosen ones, anyway.
 | You acquire an item: Curiously Shiny Ancient Evil-Bashing Axe |
Occurs at Noob Cave. Occurred at Noob Cave (obsolete).
Notes
- Occurs during the Going Postal quest.
References
- The axe is a reference to the Slayer Scythe, a weapon featured in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. "Glorificus" is a reference to a deity of the same name from the same show.
- "Glorificus Steinemus" is a play on the name of the feminist Gloria Steinem.
