Monster Manuel (J): Difference between revisions

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*The difference between peanut butter and jam is that . . . never mind, it's a family game.|attack=400|defense=360|hp=750|image=jamfish.gif}}
*The difference between peanut butter and jam is that . . . never mind, it's a family game.|attack=400|defense=360|hp=750|image=jamfish.gif}}
{{ManuelEntry|Jocko Homo|*Jocko Homo has heard all the jokes, and doesn't need any lip from you.
{{ManuelEntry|Jocko Homo|*Jocko Homo has heard all the jokes, and doesn't need any lip from you.
*The species of latently-gay sports enthusiast you encounter in high school is Jockus Homus, not Jocko Homo.|defense=103|hp=150}}
*The species of latently-gay sports enthusiast you encounter in high school is Jockus Homus, not Jocko Homo.
*"Jock Humus" is the stuff that accumulates in a football player's. . . never mind.|defense=103|hp=150}}
{{ManuelEntry|judgmental eye|*Judgmental eyes live in constant fear of cataracts.
{{ManuelEntry|judgmental eye|*Judgmental eyes live in constant fear of cataracts.
*This is because they don't want to accidentally go over one in a barrel.
*This is because they don't want to accidentally go over one in a barrel.

Revision as of 06:13, 3 February 2013

There are 8 creatures filed under J.

Monster Manuel Entries
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other
40 This monster is an Orc jailbait orquette
  • The jailbait orquette's favorite booze is peppermint mouthwash, because that's all she can steal from her parents.
  • The jailbait orquette's favorite lip gloss flavor is chunky monkey.
  • The jailbait orquette's favorite item of clothing is her neon-pink ripped-up fishnet stockings.
45 This monster is Sleazy. Sleaze is weak against Cold and Spooky.
80 Initiative +30%
400 This monster is a Fish jamfish
  • One jamfish aimlessly circled the same coral outcropping for six straight hours. Fans of jamfish trade bootlegs of that video to this day.
  • The difference between jam and jelly is that jam is made with every edible part of the fruit, while jelly is made from just fruit juice.
  • The difference between peanut butter and jam is that . . . never mind, it's a family game.
360 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
750 Never wins initiative
115 This monster is a Beast Jocko Homo
  • Jocko Homo has heard all the jokes, and doesn't need any lip from you.
  • The species of latently-gay sports enthusiast you encounter in high school is Jockus Homus, not Jocko Homo.
  • "Jock Humus" is the stuff that accumulates in a football player's. . . never mind.
103 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
150 Initiative +60%
45 This monster is a Beast judgmental eye
  • Judgmental eyes live in constant fear of cataracts.
  • This is because they don't want to accidentally go over one in a barrel.
  • Judgmental eyes cannot swim, they can only float.
35 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
40 Initiative +50%
50 This monster is a Beast jungle baboon
  • Jungle baboons were, evolutionarily speaking, more successful than desert baboons, because it's hard to live in the trees where there aren't any.
  • Baboons are Old World monkeys, not like those youngster monkeys with their roller skates and their listening to the hippity-hoppity music.
  • Baboons have been known to raise lost human foundlings as one of their tribe; weirdly enough, male children raised this way never grow a beard or body hair.
54 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
50 Initiative +80%
90 This monster is a Bug jungle scabie
  • Jungle scabies are most commonly contracted by participating in "cuddle puddles" at raves.
  • The symptoms of jungle scabies are itching, burning, and attempting to hum along to music that mainly consists of "oontz oontz oontz oontz".
  • Jungle scabies can be easily removed with the application of special shampoo, or by playing a lot of ambient trance music.
81 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
100 Initiative +60%
159 This monster is a Constellation Junk
  • According to legend, the Junk was a mortal ship named "The Peter O'Toole," which was given a memorial in the stars after it sank into a trench.
  • Some astronomers insist on referring to the junk as "Smiling Triangle-Eye Face," omitting the lines that link the sails to the ship.
  • In older astronomy books, the Junk is part of a larger constellation called the Batch.
143 This monster is Sleazy. Sleaze is weak against Cold and Spooky.
150 Initiative +70%
50 This monster is an Orc juvenile delinquent orquette
  • The most popular tattoo for juvenile delinquent orquettes is a butterfly with tribal designs on its wings and ORC LIFE underneath it.
  • Contrary to her protestations, the orquettes' dad is a moderate-to-slightly-conservative libertarian, not a total fascist.
  • The orquette still sleeps with her fuzzy purple teddy bear, but she'll cut you wtih[sic] her switchblade if you mention it.
45 This monster is Sleazy. Sleaze is weak against Cold and Spooky.
100 Initiative +75%