NPC Stores

Most stores offer items which you can buy and they go directly into your inventory. Some stores do other things. For instance at restaurants and bars, you immediately consume anything you order.

• Note: Several shops (e.g., Bart Ender) are accessible through other URLs as well as through URL manipulation using the shop's keyword (in this case, bartender). Attempting to access a store that you would otherwise not have access to yields an error message.

Where	Store Name	Path	Notes
The Bat-Cavern	The Bat-Cavern's Bat-Fabricator	shop.php?whichshop=batman_cave	Creates items for use in the Batfellow comic
The Big Mountains	Chateau Mantegna Gift Shop	shop.php?whichshop=chateau	Only available with access to Chateau Mantegna
The Big Mountains	The Hermitage	hermit.php	Only available with a hermit permit in inventory; trades various items in exchange for worthless trinkets
The Big Mountains	The Trapper's Cabin	shop.php?whichshop=trapper	Offers animal skins in exchange for yeti skins
Bordertown	The Gift Shop	town_giftshop.php	Available gifts and gift packages broaden as one ascends. Packages are sent from here.
Bordertown	The Raffle House	raffle.php	Here, the Penguin Mafia is raffling Grimacite prizes.
Bordertown	Trophy Hut	trophy.php	If you qualify for a trophy, you may pay 10,000 Meat here to install it in your Trophy Case.
Bordertown	Uncle P's Antiques	shop.php?whichshop=unclep	This used to be the Penguin Mafia's front-end but was destroyed. It soon returned but with a much more limited array of "services".
Class Guild Hall	The Smacketeria	shop.php?whichshop=guidstore3	Muscle Guild Shop; only available to full guild members and Level 9 Accordion Thieves
Class Guild Hall	Gouda's Grimoire and Grocery	shop.php?whichshop=guidstore2	Mysticality Guild Shop; only available to full guild members and Level 9 Accordion Thieves
Class Guild Hall	The Shadowy Store	shop.php?whichshop=guidstore1	Moxie Guild Shop; only available to full guild members
Cobb's Knob Laboratory	The Knob Dispensary	shop.php?whichshop=knobdisp	Only available after learning the password in the Barracks
Conspiracy Island	The Armory	shop.php?whichshop=si_shop3	Only available after discovering an Armory keycard, offers items in exchange for Coinspiracy
Conspiracy Island	The Canteen	shop.php?whichshop=si_shop2	Only available after discovering an bottle-opener keycard, offers drink in exchange for Coinspiracy
Conspiracy Island	The SHAWARMA Initiative	shop.php?whichshop=si_shop1	Only available after discovering an SHAWARMA Initiative Keycard, offers food in exchange for Coinspiracy
Degrassi Knoll	The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store	shop.php?whichshop=gnoll	Only available when under a Muscle zodiac sign; extremely similar to The Bugbear Bakery, which offers a few cooking supplies; sells what would normally drop from Degrassi Knoll and a detuned radio in addition
Desert Beach	The Shore, Inc. Gift Shop	shop.php?whichshop=shore	Offers items, including ascension-related items, for Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip
Dinseylandfill	The Dinsey Company Store	shop.php?whichshop=landfillstore	Offers items in exchange for FunFunds™
The Distant Woods	Black Market	shop.php?whichshop=blackmarket	A general store that sells buff items and items required for the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin
The Distant Woods	White Citadel	shop.php?whichshop=whitecitadel	Only available after the White Citadel Quest; sells fast food, which can be eaten or thrown at your convenience
Downtown Gotpork	ChemiCorp	shop.php?whichshop=batman_chemicorp	Offers various items in exchange for dangerous chemicals
Downtown Gotpork	Gotpork Orphanage	shop.php?whichshop=batman_orphanage	Offers various items in exchange for kidnapped orphans
Downtown Gotpork	Gotpork P.D.	shop.php?whichshop=batman_pd	Offers various items in exchange for incriminating evidence
Dreadsylvania	The Terrified Eagle Inn	shop.php?whichshop=dv	Offers items in exchange for Freddy Kruegerands
The Dungeoneers' Association	A Vending Machine	shop.php?whichshop=damachine	Takes fat look tokens in exchange for keys needed in the final quest and other items
Elvish Paradise	Dollhawker's Emporium	shop.php?whichshop=elvishp2	Stuffed animals in exchange for lunar isotopes
Elvish Paradise	The Lunar Lunch-o-Mat	shop.php?whichshop=elvishp1	Equipment in exchange for lunar isotopes
Elvish Paradise	Dollhawker's Emporium	shop.php?whichshop=elvishp3	Consummables in exchange for lunar isotopes
Forest Village	The Bounty Hunter Hunter's Shack	bhh.php	Post-NS13, he'll let you do quests for filthy lucre, which you can then exchange for a variety of items.
Forest Village	The Bugbear Bakery	shop.php?whichshop=bugbear	Only available when wearing a Bugbear Costume; offers a few cooking supplies
The Game Grid Arcade	Ticket Redemption Counter	shop.php?whichshop=arcade	Offers various items in exchange for Game Grid tickets; some items are only available after beating different arcade machines
The Glaciest	Wal-Mart	shop.php?whichshop=glaciest	Offers various items in exchange for Wal-Mart gift certificate
The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp	Gno-Mart	shop.php?whichshop=gnomart	A store available under Moxie zodiac signs, selling cheap buffing items and potion materials
The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp	The Gnomish Micromicrobrewery	cafe.php?cafeid=2	Bar with a randomly selected daily special; only available when under a Moxie zodiac sign
Hey Deze	Hell's Kitchen	cafe.php?cafeid=3	Bar and grill; only available when under a Bad Moon zodiac sign
Hey Deze	Nervewrecker's Store	shop.php?whichshop=nerve	Sells tenderizing hammers, E-Z Cook Oven™s, and cocktailcrafting kits at a discount; only available under Bad Moon
The Hidden City	The Hidden Tavern	shop.php?whichshop=hiddentavern	Sells cocktails for meat
Huggler Memorial Colosseum	Jack's Swagger Shack	peevpee.php?place=shop	Offers items in exchange for swagger
Huggler Memorial Colosseum	Snack Bar	shop.php?whichshop=snackbar	Offers PvP-producing consumables for meat
Inventory	A.W.O.L. Tent	shop.php?whichshop=?	Items in exchange for A. W. O. L. commendations
Inventory	Internet Meme Shop	shop.php?whichshop=bacon	Internet-inspired shop with some limitations
Inventory	BURT	inv_use.php	Items in exchange for BURTs
Inventory	The Central Loathing Floral Mercantile Exchange	shop.php?whichshop=flowertradein	Items in exchange for flowers
Inventory	FDKOL Tent	inv_use.php	Items in exchange for FDKOL commendations
Inventory	Fiddling With Your Genes	shop.php?whichshop=mutate	Skills in exchange for rads
Inventory	Freshwater Fishbonery	shop.php?whichshop=fishbones	Items made from freshwater fishbones
Inventory	Paul's Boutique	shop.php?whichshop=cindy	Items available for odd silver coins
Inventory	A Star Chart	shop.php?whichshop=starchart	Items available using stars and lines
Inventory	Sugar Sheet Folding	shop.php?whichshop=sugarsheets	Items made from sugar sheets
Inventory	Topiary Nuggletcrafting	shop.php?whichshop=topiary	Items made from topiary nugglets
Inventory	Toxic Chemistry	shop.php?whichshop=toxic	Items made with toxic globules
Inventory	warbear black box	shop.php?whichshop=warbear	Items available for warbear whosits
Inventory	Worse Homes and Gardens	shop.php?whichshop=junkmagazine	Items made from scrap from in The Old Landfill
KOLHS	Art Class (After School)	shop.php?whichshop=kolhs_art	Items made from objects available in a KOLHS run
KOLHS	Chemistry Class (After School)	shop.php?whichshop=kolhs_chem	Items made from objects available in a KOLHS run
KOLHS	Shop Class (After School)	shop.php?whichshop=kolhs_shop	Items made from objects available in a KOLHS run
Little Canadia	Chez Snootée	cafe.php?cafeid=1	Restaurant with a randomly selected daily special; only available when under a Mysticality zodiac sign
Little Canadia	Little Canadia Jewelers	shop.php?whichshop=jewelers	Only available when under a Mysticality zodiac sign; the store central to jewelrymaking
Market Square	The Armory and Leggery	shop.php?whichshop=armory	Generic equipment store for Melee Weapons, Ranged Weapons, Hats and Pants
Market Square	Doc Galaktik's Medicine Show	shop.php?whichshop=doc	Has HP Restorers and MP Restorers available
Market Square	The General Store	shop.php?whichshop=generalstore	All-purpose store that also offers special holiday items on Oyster Egg Day and Valentine's Day
Market Square	Madeline's Baking Supply	shop.php?whichshop=madeline	Same items as the other bakeries
Market Square	The Meatsmith	shop.php?whichshop=meatsmith	The store central to meatsmithing
Market Square	Mr. Store	mrstore.php	Donate $10 for a Mr. Accessory and shop here. Also regularly introduces a unique Item of the Month.
Market Square	The Traveling Trader	traveler.php	Appeared shortly and "deimplemented" per a concern of the dev team, but he eventually returned and appears periodically. The trader speaks in ROT-13 and trades various strange and somewhat interesting items in exchange for twinkly wads.
The Mysterious Island of Mystery	Barrrtleby's Barrrgain Bookstore	shop.php?whichshop=bartlebys	Sells the abridged dictionary and various pirate literature
The Mysterious Island of Mystery	The Hippy Produce Stand	shop.php?whichshop=hippy	Only available when wearing a Filthy Hippy Disguise; offers various organic foods
The Mysterious Island of Mystery	The Organic Produce Stand	shop.php?whichshop=hippy	Available if the player cleared out the filthworms for either the Frat Boys or Hippies. Replaces the Hippy Produce Stand, and does not require an outfit.
The Mysterious Island of Mystery	The Orcish Frat House (Wartime)	bigisland.php?place=camp&whichcamp=2	Only available when wearing a Frat Warrior Fatigues during the Mysterious Island Quest; offers various equipment in exchange for quarters, which themselves are exchanged for Hippy artefacts.
The Mysterious Island of Mystery	The Hippy Camp (Wartime)	bigisland.php?place=camp&whichcamp=1	Only available when wearing a War Hippy Fatigues during the Mysterious Island Quest; offers various equipment in exchange for dimes, which themselves are exchanged for Frat artefacts.
The Rabbit Hole	The Tweedleporium	shop.php?whichshop=tweedle	Sells various items themed on Alice in Wonderland. Available only with the Down the Rabbit Hole effect in place
Right Side of the Tracks	LT&T Gift Shop	shop.php?whichshop=ltt	Sells various items in exchange for buffalo dimes
The Sea	Big Brother	monkeycastle.php?who=2	In return for sand dollars, Big Brother will sell items an information of use in the Sea Monkees Quest.
The Sea	Grandma	shop.php?whichshop=grandma	Sells items helpful underwater in exchange for various materials
Spring Break Beach	The Frozen Brogurt Stand	shop.php?whichshop=sbb_brogurt	Offers equipment and skills in exchange for Beach Bucks
Spring Break Beach	Buff Jimmy's Souvenir Shop	shop.php?whichshop=sbb_jimmy	Offers equipment and skills in exchange for Beach Bucks
Spring Break Beach	Taco Dan's Taco Stand	shop.php?whichshop=sbb_taco	Offers equipment and skills in exchange for Beach Bucks
The Suspicious-Looking Guy's Shady Past	Chinatown Shops	shop.php?whichshop=chinatown	Offers Chinatown-specific items while adventuring in the Suspicious Guy's past
That 70s Volcano	Disco GiftCo	shop.php?whichshop=infernodisco	Offers items in exchange for Volcoinos
The Time-Twitching Tower	The Applecalypse Store	shop.php?whichshop=applestore	Offers items in exchange for Chroners
The Time-Twitching Tower	Legitimate Shoe Repair, Inc.	shop.php?whichshop=shoeshop	Offers items in exchange for Chroners
The Time-Twitching Tower	The Neandermall	shop.php?whichshop=caveshop	Offers items in exchange for Chroners
The Time-Twitching Tower	The Niña	shop.php?whichshop=nina	Offers items in exchange for Chroners
The Time-Twitching Tower	Ye Newe Souvenir Shoppe	shop.php?whichshop=shakeshop	Offers items in exchange for Chroners
The Typical Tavern	Bart Ender	shop.php?whichshop=bartender	A place to buy beer, but only after completing the related quest
The Typical Tavern	A Suspicious-Looking Guy	tavern.php?place=susguy	Offers "goofballs". The first one is free, but each successive hit will cost you 1,000 Meat more than last time. Will also trade oily golden mushrooms for gloomy black mushrooms
The Underworld	Everything Under the World	shop.php?whichshop=edunder_shopshop	Sells various items during an Actually Ed the Undying‎ ascension
The Underworld	Underworld Body Shop	place.php?whichplace=edunder&action=edunder_bodyshop	Sells various items during an Actually Ed the Undying‎ ascension
Valhalla	The Deli Lama	afterlife.php?place=deli	Astral consumables
Valhalla	Pet Heaven	afterlife.php?place=heaven	Astral equipment
Wrong Side of the Tracks	Precinct Materiel Division	shop.php?whichshop=detective	Sells various items in exchange for cop dollars
Ye Wizard's Shack Game Shoppe	Cashier	gamestore.php?place=cashier	Offers foil versions of Alice's Army cards and snacks

NPC Stores no longer in game

Where	Store Name	Path	Notes
Nowhere	The Anti-BountyHunterHunter	store.php?whichstore=t	Unimplemented and later removed by Xenophobe
Nowhere	The Curious Monkey	monkey.php	Unimplemented and later removed by Xenophobe
Crimbo	The Crimbo Cafe	Unknown	Restaurant and bar; available during Crimbo Season 2005, 2007, 2008, and 2009, with different offerings each year.
Crimbo	Eating Cave	crimbo06.php?place=cafe	Restaurant and bar; available during Crimboween 2006 with the first part of the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest and later with the time sleigh
Crimbo	The Crimboween Spooky Cafe	crimbo06.php?place=cafe	Restaurant and bar with a selection similar to that of The Regular Crimbo Cafe; available during Crimboween 2006 with the second part of the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest and later with the time sleigh
Crimbo	Crimborg Nutrition Station	crimbo06.php?place=cafe	Restaurant and bar; available during Crimboween 2006 with the third part of the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest and later with the time sleigh
Crimbo	CRIMBCO Cafeteria		Restaurant and bar; available during Crimbo

Error Messages

• If you attempt to use URL manipulation to gain access to certain stores without proper access, you will get "Uh-Oh!" followed by the following error messages
  • arcade: What?
  • bacon: Where's the bacon?
  • bartlebys: They only let pirates into that store, and you're not a pirate, and also you don't look like a pirate.
  • batman_cavern, batman_chemicorp, batman_orphanage, batman_pd: Nope.
  • blackmarket: Nope
  • chateau: Nah
  • chinatown: That isn't a place.
  • cindy: This is not my beautiful magazine.
  • detective: You don't get to just pretend to be a detective and march into a building that doesn't even exist and what am I even talking about, what building.
  • dv: No such place is a place.
  • edunder_shopshop: Beef boof.
  • elvishp1, elvishp2, elvishp3: You can't get here without the proper transporter frequency.
  • gnoll: That's a thing that isn't a thing.
  • gnomart: That isn't a place.
  • grandma: (No Message)
  • guildstore1 (guild open, wrong class): Only Disco Bandits and Accordion Thieves may shop here.
  • guildstore2 (guild open, wrong class): Only Pastamancers and Saucerors may shop here
  • guildstore3 (guild open, wrong class): Only Seal Clubbers and Turtle Tamers may shop here.
    • All 3 guildstores (guild not open): You don't have access to this store yet.
  • hiddentavern: hidden
  • hippy: You can't actually get to my store, man. This must be, like, some kind of hallucination. Cool, man.
  • jewelers: That isn't a place.
  • junkmagazine: This is not my beautiful magazine.
  • knobdisp: Can't get here yet.
  • kolhs_art, kolhs_chem, kolhs_shop: Students of KOLHS only.
  • landfillstore: You can't go there.
  • ltt: That isn't a place.
  • madeline: That's not a place!
  • mutate: You can't just mutate at will.
  • nerve: That isn't a place.
  • nina: That store isn't there anymore.
  • rumple: (No Message)
  • sbb_brogurt, sbb_jimmy, or sbb_taco: That isn't a shop you know how to get to.
  • shore: (No Message)
  • si_shop1, si_shop2, si_shop3: That isn't a thing you know about
  • starchart: You don't have any more star charts. Aww.
  • sugarsheets: You have no sugar sheets to fold.
  • topiary: You don't have any topiary nugglets.
  • toxic: (No Message)
  • tweedle: (No Message)
  • warbear: What? No. What?
  • whitecitadel: You don't know where that is. You don't even know if that is. A place.
  • An invalid codeword: No such shop

You can get to the following shops without proper access:

• bartender
• fishbones
• trapper
• unclep