The Armory and Leggery

The Armory and Leggery

[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer runs The Armory and Leggery in Market Square.
The items for sale here are grouped into four categories: Melee Weapons, Ranged Weapons, Hats and Pants.

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[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer "Hey, what are you lookin' at? Just kidding. Don't worry, I've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions. Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?' Anyway, what can I get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"

Melee Weapons

• cool whip: 30 Meat
• sweet ninja sword: 50 Meat
• suede shortsword: 300 Meat
• bamboo bokuto: 750 Meat
• 25-meat staff: 525 Meat
• two-handed depthsword: 900 Meat
• bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme: 1,125 Meat

Ranged Weapons

• slingshot: 150 Meat
• lead yo-yo: 600 Meat
• slightly peevedbow: 450 Meat
• sack of doorknobs: 825 Meat
• lucky ball-and-chain: 975 Meat
• automatic catapult: 1,125 Meat

Hats

• snorkel: 30 Meat
• Kentucky-style derby: 50 Meat
• pentacorn hat: 300 Meat
• goofily-plumed helmet: 525 Meat
• yellow plastic hard hat: 675 Meat
• wooden salad bowl: 900 Meat
• football helmet: 1,125 Meat

Pants

• studded leather boxer shorts: 50 Meat
• chain-mail monokini: 225 Meat
• junk-mail pants: 375 Meat
• paper-plate-mail pants: 600 Meat
• troutpiece: 825 Meat
• alpha-mail pants: 1,050 Meat

Notes

• The Armory and Leggery was an expansion to the Market Square added to the Kingdom on February 27, 2006.
• In an impressive show of mercantile fortitude on March 5, 2006, The Armory and Leggery came to acquire all of the martial equipment that used to be sold by the Market including the snorkel, cool whip, studded leather boxer shorts, sweet ninja sword, slingshot, and Kentucky-style derby.
• Most of the hats/pants are somewhat useless, considering they have no enchantments.
• The shopkeeper's name varies from character to character, and changes with each ascension, though the filename of the image is 'matt.gif'. Reported aliases are Art, Bill, Bob, Jack, Matt, Sandy, Warren as well as the duo of Kurt 'n Rod who look like this:

Kurt 'n Rod, the Armorer and Leggerer, Respectively "Hey, what are you lookin' at? Just kidding. Don't worry, we've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions. Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?' Anyway, what can we get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"

References

• The shopkeeper's different names refer to a series of jokes which always start out with, "What do you call..." e.g.
  • "...a man with no arms and no legs..."

• "...lying in front of a door? A: Matt."
• "...hanging from a wall? A: Art."
• "...stuck in a mailbox? A: Bill."
• "...floating in the water? A: Bob."
• "...underneath a car? A: Jack."
• "...on a beach? A: Sandy."
• "...with fifty rabbits stuck up his butt? A: Warren."

• "...two men with no arms, no legs, and stuck on top of a window? A: Kurt 'n Rod."

• The fact that the armorer and leggerer have no arms and legs is reminiscent of the Larry the Cable Guy joke about a vet with one arm and no legs at the flea market, selling boots.