Wizard Action Figure

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Familiar number: 73
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Wizard Action Figure
He is not a doll -- He'll turn you into a newt if you call him one.

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Ability: Heals, delevels strong opponents, attacks the enemy, and acts as a combination Volleyball/Fairy at 1/3 weight.

Throne/Bjorn: Unknown

Hatchling: wizard action figure

Familiar-Specific Equipment: mint-condition magic wand

	Ultimate Cage Match	Scavenger Hunt	Obstacle Course	Hide and Seek

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

*Hover for details

Cannot breathe underwater

Combat Messages

• At the start of combat:

<name> notices your wounds, points his wand at you, and mutters "Neosporio Bandaidium!" You feel somewhat better.

You gain X hit points.

<name> looks at you, looks at your opponent, and frowns. He points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Ittibittius Minimus!" Your opponent shrinks a bit.

• During combat:

<name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Coppertonio Absentium!" Your opponent's skin bubbles and turns red, dealing X damage.

<name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Klondikus Popsiculo!" A blast of icy air strikes your opponent for X damage.

<name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Oxybiscuitus!" A stinking cloud of green smoke forms around your opponent, dealing X damage.

<name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Echoum Mariahcareus!" A piercing wail fills the air, and your opponent cringes in terror, suffering X damage.

<name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Pennzoilio Quakerstateum!" A jet of motor oil drenches your opponent, dealing X damage.

<name> points his wand at your opponent and shouts "Slapstickio Acmeus!" A fast-moving anvil suddenly appears and hits your opponent in the head for X damage.

• At the end of combat

Without a mint-condition magic wand equipped:

<name> waves his wand around and shouts "Prosperio Improvius!" He grins at you and dances around a little, but it seems sort of half-hearted.

With mint-condition magic wand equipped:

<name> waves his shiny new wand around and shouts "Prosperio Improvius!" He beams and dances a jig, clearly pleased with himself.

With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:

<name> points his wand at his Tam O'Shanter and chants "Chapeaueum Go-braughio!" The hat's plaid pattern forms a face, and the face winks at you.

With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:

<name> points his wand at the maypole and chants "Festivioso Animatum!" In Loathing, maypole dances around you!

With wax lips equipped:

<name> points his wand at the wax lips and chants "Zygomaticus Rictus!" The lips rise into the air and smile broadly.

• Wand-loss message:

<name> glances at his magic wand and notices a few tiny scuff marks. Clearly distressed by the 'like new' condition of the wand, he throws it away in disgust.

Notes

• The mint-condition magic wand is lost after (25 - 40??) adventures after it is equipped.
• Because a volleyball-type familiar's benefits scale as the square root of its weight, 1/3 the poundage translates to 57.7% of the stats. Likewise, at 1/3 the weight a fairy would grant about half the item drop bonus.
• The mint-condition magic wand causes the action figure to act as a Fairy and Volleyball of 2/3 of its weight, but will eventually break after a certain number of turns. At the 2/3 value, the wizard is roughly 80% as effective as a volleyball of the same weight.
• Will heal you at the start of combat whenever your current HP is less than half of your maximum. The amount healed is Weight-4 to Weight+4.
• Will not delevel the opponent if it heals you.
• Damage done is equal to Weight/2 (round down) to 2+Weight/2 (round up).

References

• This familiar and its hatchling are a reference to the popular Harry Potter series of fantasy books, and the teenage wizard that serves as the series' protagonist.
• Each spell the Wizard casts is a thinly-veiled reference to the spell's effect:
  • Chapeaueum Go-braughio translates to 'chapeau' (hat) plus 'go braugh', an Anglicization of "go brách" in Irish Gaelic (Gaeilge), perhaps most commonly heard in the phrase "Éirinn go Brách" (roughly, "Ireland Forever").
  • Coppertonio Absentium alludes to an absence of a popular sunblock lotion.
  • Echoum Mariahcareus, appropriately, echoes the voice of a certain pop singer.
  • Festivioso Animatum becomes 'Animated Festive'.
  • Ittibittius Minimus is 'Itty-bitty, minimize', or 'small'.
  • Klondikus Popsiculo refers to Klondike bars and popsicles.
  • Neosporio Bandaidium refers to Neosporin, a common antibacterial gel, and the Bandaid.
  • Oxybiscuitus refers to "Air Biscuits," a slang for flatulence.
  • Pennzoilio Quakerstateum contains the names of two major motor oil brands: Pennzoil and Quaker State.
  • Prosperio Improvius works out as 'improve prosperity'
  • Slapstickio Acmeus alludes to the type of slapstick comedy prevalent in Looney Tunes, which was famous for featuring Acme-branded merchandise such as anvils.
  • Zygomaticus Rictus refers to the zygomaticus muscles (used in smiling) and the word rictus, meaning "a gaping grin."
• 'In Loathing, maypole dances around you!' is a reference to Yakov Smirnoff's 'In Soviet Russia' comedy routine.
• The haiku may reference "The Kids' Song" by Moxy Früvous, which contains the emphatic line "not dolls, action figures!"
• The haiku appears to reference Monty Python and the Holy Grail through the witch that turned a man into a newt (he got better).