The Armory and Leggery

The Armory and Leggery

[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer runs The Armory and Leggery in Market Square.
The items for sale here are grouped into four categories: Melee Weapons, Ranged Weapons, Hats and Pants.

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[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer "Hey, what are you lookin' at? Just kidding. Don't worry, I've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions. Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?' Anyway, what can I get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"

Items Sold

Item:		Price:
— Melee Weapons —
	cool whip	30 Meat
	sweet ninja sword	50 Meat
	suede shortsword	300 Meat
	25-meat staff	525 Meat
	bamboo bokuto	750 Meat
	two-handed depthsword	900 Meat
	bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	1,125 Meat
— Ranged Weapons —
	slingshot	150 Meat
	slightly peevedbow	450 Meat
	lead yo-yo	600 Meat
	sack of doorknobs	825 Meat
	lucky ball-and-chain	975 Meat
	automatic catapult	1,125 Meat
— Hats —
	snorkel	30 Meat
	Kentucky-style derby	50 Meat
	pentacorn hat	300 Meat
	goofily-plumed helmet	525 Meat
	yellow plastic hard hat	675 Meat
	wooden salad bowl	900 Meat
	football helmet	1,125 Meat
— Pants —
	studded leather boxer shorts	50 Meat
	chain-mail monokini	225 Meat
	junk-mail pants	375 Meat
	paper-plate-mail pants	600 Meat
	troutpiece	825 Meat
	alpha-mail pants	1,050 Meat

Notes

• The Armory and Leggery was an expansion to the Market Square added to the Kingdom on February 27, 2006.
• In an impressive show of mercantile fortitude on March 5, 2006, The Armory and Leggery came to acquire all of the martial equipment that used to be sold by the Market including the snorkel, cool whip, studded leather boxer shorts, sweet ninja sword, slingshot, and Kentucky-style derby.
• The shopkeeper's name varies from character to character, and changes with each ascension, though the filename of the image is 'matt.gif'. Reported aliases are Art, Bill, Bob, Jack, Matt, Sandy, Warren as well as the duo of Kurt 'n Rod who look like this:

Kurt 'n Rod, the Armorer and Leggerer, Respectively "Hey, what are you lookin' at? Just kidding. Don't worry, we've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions. Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?' Anyway, what can we get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"

References

• The shopkeeper's different names refer to a series of jokes which always start out with, "What do you call..." e.g.
  • "...a man with no arms and no legs..."

• "...lying in front of a door? A: Matt."
• "...hanging from a wall? A: Art."
• "...stuck in a mailbox? A: Bill."
• "...floating in the water? A: Bob."
• "...underneath a car? A: Jack."
• "...on a beach? A: Sandy."
• "...with fifty rabbits stuck up his butt? A: Warren."

• "...two men with no arms, no legs, and stuck on top of a window? A: Kurt 'n Rod."

• The fact that the armorer and leggerer have no arms and legs is reminiscent of the Larry the Cable Guy joke about a vet with one arm and no legs at the flea market, selling boots.