Monster Manuel (I)

There are 24 creatures filed under I.

Monster Manuel Entries

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		100		ice bartender crash smash That fancy bartender bottle-juggling is way harder than it looks. crash What does he need an ice-maker for, anyway? Don't the drinks stay cold on their own in that place? All bartenders dream of inventing a famous cocktail named after themselves, but unfortunately this guy's name is "Dick Slurry".
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		100		ice clerk Be sure to ask the desk clerk if they count the towels. If you give a desk clerk the right passphrase, they'll let you stay in the secret candy-filled room. Make sure your desk clerk is not a fake by leaning over the counter to see if they're wearing regulation hotel pants.
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		110		ice concierge It takes a lot of practice to make a clenched jaw look like a pleasant smile. The concierge is like the hotel's "secret menu". Ask to have your dry cleaning done "animal style". All concierges are secretly black belts in kung-fu.
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		0		Ice Cream Conjurer Sure, she's a pain to deal with in a fight, but she's a real hit at parties. Don't ask her about frozen yogurt. Definitely don't ask her about 'froyo'. If your favorite flavor of ice cream is strawberry, look up 'castoreum' on Wikipedia. It might make you even more of a fan!
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		?		ice cream truck Frozen novelty treats are allowed by Kingdom regulations to contain no more than 5% rat parts. Frozen novelty treats may no longer use radioactive dye, after the whole "Fun Glowing Pirate Ghost Pop!" debacle. Long-haul ice cream truck drivers refer to their job as "travelin' the chocolate highway." They're kind of gross that way.
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		99999		Ice Cube The Ice Cube would need a highball glass 50 feet tall, and at least 70 gallons of whiskey poured over it. So, y'know, get on that. The Ice Cube, if melted, would fill a dozen olympic-sized swimming pools. The Ice Cube's chamber is magically maintained at a frosty 20 degrees Fahrenheit.
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		90		ice housekeeper Don't ever take your blacklight posters to the hotel with you. Just don't. A good way to leave thank-you notes for the hotel cleaning staff is in lipstick on the wallpaper. Here's a fun hotel trick: swap the little hotel soap for the pillow mint when the person sharing the room with you isn't looking.
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		90		ice porter Don't try to drink a hotel porter. That's a different thing. Always check your porter to make sure he's real and not a disguised fish. Most hotels don't call them 'bellhops' anymore, for religious reasons.
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		400		ice skate Skates are the only kind of fish that reproduce via screaming. Skates can see ultraviolet, but not regular violet. All skates are fluent in spoken Italian, they just cannot read it. Or speak.
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		0		Iceberglar Sometimes iceberglars decide to go straight and give up the life of crime. They generally become bartenders or ice-cream truck drivers. The slang term 'ice' referring to diamonds originated as iceberglar jargon. They also call ice 'diamonds' sometimes, but that tends to get confusing. On occasion, an iceberglar on the run from the law will hole up in the Frigid Northlands. The Seal Clubbers leave them alone, because they're useful for filling out the party for epic quests.
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		200		icingfish The icingfish are closely related to the frostingfish. Actually, the only way you can tell the difference between them is by deliberately getting stung by it. Icingfish stings raise welts, while frostingfish stings raise hives.
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		165		Iiti Kitty Iiti Kitty was the star of a series of children's temple engravings, in which the loveably spooky feline got into all manner of adorable and wacky misadventures that have since been wildly misinterpreted by archaeologists. Ancient people considered cats to be holy representations of their goddess. The cats, naturally, made no attempt to dissuade them of that opinion. Iiti Kitty's favorite foods are apple pie, freshly-baked cookies, and the howling souls of the damned whose hearts have been weighed on the scales of Eternity and found wanting.
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		?		illegal alien The penalties for stowing away on a UFO are pretty intense, so it's no wonder he's worried. You ever get keel-hauled in deep space? It was TOTALLY not this guy's fault that the ship crashed. He may have been hiding in the landing gear and smoking alien cigarettes made of thermite, but that's almost certainly just a coincidence. Here's a joke about whether or not he knows where his towel is.
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		?		imagining how your life would be better if you'd made different decisions You should have chosen cake instead of pie. You should have chosen strawberry instead of vanilla. You should have chosen roast beef instead of pastrami.
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		350		industrious construct The floors of El Vibrato settlements were revered for their cleanliness. Eating off of them was not only possible, but required. Each whirling brush on an El Vibrato floor-polishing construct is composed of a recursive fractal network of billions of smaller whirling brushes. That and sturdy camel hair. El Vibrato children would often dare one another to grab things from underneath an active floor-polishing construct. Then they would dare one another to have their hands surgically reattached.
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		350		industrious construct Industrious constructs have a rudimentary artificial intelligence to enable them to avoid stairs and getting stuck in a corner. The construct's whirling brush can remove even minute particles of dust and redistribute them evenly throughout the room, so it's never out of work! Industrious Construct is the name of my Daft Punk cover band.
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		21		infernal seal larva The life cycle of an infernal seal is as follows: Egg, Larva, Pup, Tween, Hellseal, Fertilizer. Seal larva will drink the blood of every animal except the boaraffe. We're not sure why. Maybe they're species-ist? Seal larva venom is a sought-after aphrodisiac in Distant Lands, much like every other weird part of a weird animal over there.
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		24		infernal seal spawn Most infernal seal spawn will not grow up to become adults. Did you ever see Battle Royale, or its newer iteration, The Hunger Games? It's basically like that. Hellseal spawn are considered a rare delicacy in the Frigid Northlands, because they are generally too risky to hunt compared to the amount of meat they have on them. They taste like a cross of beef and crocodile. It is considered good luck to be able to capture a seal spawn alive. By which I mean you being alive, not necessarily the seal.
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		58		inkubus The inkubus secretes his own ink, so he doesn't have to kill squirrels to make it. The inkubus can file his tail sharp and give people tattoos with it. Inkubi study penmanship a lot more than any other demon in Hey Deze. Which is to say, at all.
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		0		inquisitee How many angels can dance on the head of a thing with a big head like maybe one of those sharks? Can God bake a pie so delicious he can't eat the whole thing? What is the name of a snake?
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		?		invader bullet Pixels were more durable back in the day. Sprites were built to last. You kids don't know how bad you've got it, with your fortnights and your minescraft.
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		20		irate mariachi The irate mariachi used to be a pirate mariachi, but he lost his 'p' in a tragic orthographic accident. The irate mariachi is also skilled at giving tattoos with a guitar string. He doesn't sharpen the string end and dip it in ink, though - he just hits you in the face really hard with the whole guitar. The irate mariachi's hat houses an arsenal of deadly weapons, but still smells like sweaty head.
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		0		Iron Chef Iron chefs never have to worry about anemia, though scurvy might be a problem. Tooth decay is still a problem if you get iron dentures, and rust tastes terrible. If you do decide to get iron dentures, be sure to floss every day. With piano wire.
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		105		Irritating Series of Random Encounters Hershey's Kisses are not the worst random encounter out there. There are also creatures that summon more goddamn creatures, and guys with instant-death spells that force you to walk all the way back to town to resurrect your party. Nobody knows why those Hershey's Kisses keep attacking people. Maybe they're guarding the hive from vicious Cadbury Bunny attacks. Yes, Hershey's Kisses live in hives. Ever see the really big ones they sell around Valentine's Day? That's the queen.
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