The gift-a-pult allows various gift items to be used in combat. Each item's combat message is preceded with "You load the <item> into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger."
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| Your opponent starts beating the crap out of it, not stopping until <it> hurts <its> self for X damage in the process.
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| You load the stuffed astral badger into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. A snake leaps out of another dimension at the badger, sees that it's stuffed, then attacks him for 20 damage instead.
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| You load the stuffed baby gravy fairy into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It hits your opponent right in their eye. Yes, even if he doesn't have eyes you can see. It then dances, scouring said eye for 25 damage.
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| You load the stuffed bandersnatch into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It flooms through the atomosphair, stritting him for a frumious 106 damage.
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| An angry adventurer swings a seal clubbing club at it but misses, hitting your opponent for 44 damage.
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| You load the stuffed can of asparagus into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It bonks against him for an adorable 2 damage.
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| A flock of birds suddenly appears because it's near, and pecks your opponent for 122 damage.
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| It exhales a puff of smoke at your opponent, and he gets choked up for 122 damage.
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| You load the stuffed Cheshire bitten into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It bonks against him for an adorable 23 damage.
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| You load the stuffed cocoabo into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It pecks him with its little felt beak, somehow doing 23 damage.
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| A giant stuffed stick figure holding a martini chases after the sword, trampling your opponent for X damage.
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| You load the stuffed dodecapede into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. Turns out each of those fluffy arms conceals a poisonous barb, which do an aggregate 10 damage. Apparently, there aren't any consumer watchdog groups in Loathing.
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| It pogos through the air like a yoyo, and lands on him for 109 damage.
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| You load the stuffed flaming gravy fairy into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It catches fire in mid-air, and burns him for 25 damage, with fire that is mystical and therefore not hot.
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| You load the stuffed frozen gravy fairy into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. A chunk of frozen gravy falls out of it and hits him for 23 damage.
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| You load the stuffed ghuol whelp into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It coughs up some stuffing and re-stuffs itself with his innards, for 24 damage.
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| You load the stuffed hand turkey into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. A horde of collectors stampedes after it, thinking it's the real thing, and tramples him for 25 damage.
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| It mutters a stream of bizarre nonsense as it smacks <it> for X damage.
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| The key lands on your opponent and somehow unlocks <its> potential to take X damage.
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| It switches its phasers from 'hug' to 'hit for X damage,' and fires a shot.
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| A giant stuffed stick figure holding a sword chases after the martini, trampling your opponent for X damage.
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| A noob leaps up to catch the meat, and lands on <it> for X damage.
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| You load the stuffed mind flayer into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It flays your opponent'ss' mind for 25 damage.
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| A hippy throws a bucket of paint at it (bucket and all), and misses, hitting your opponent for 42 damage.
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| You load the stuffed Mob Penguin into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It pulls out a toy kneecapping stick and hits him for 2459 damage.
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| It slices through your opponent for X damage. Woah, turns out the monocle had a razor-sharp edge. Hardcore, man.
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| ???
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| It bonks against him for a timely 125 damage.
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| You load the stuffed porpoise into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It porpoisefully bonks its nose against him for 106 damage.
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| You load the stuffed sabre-toothed lime into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It bites him for 5421 damage, saving him from the scourge of toy scurvy in the process.
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| You load the stuffed scary death orb into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It looks enough like a real scary death orb that your opponent freaks out, runs blindly away, and smacks a wall for 22 damage.
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| You load the stuffed sleazy gravy fairy into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It hits on him, then straight up hits him for 24 damage.
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| You load the stuffed snowy owl into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It delivers a letter to your opponent which reads, "you have just taken 23 damage."
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| You load the stuffed spooky gravy fairy into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It lands near your opponent, and ignores him so hard that it does 24 damage.
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| You load the stuffed stab bat into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It stabs him both vigorously and ineffectually. Fortunately, your opponent is allergic to felt, so he still takes 239 damage.
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| You load the stuffed stinky gravy fairy into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. The stench coming off of it causes a buzzard to drop out of the sky and land on him for 25 damage.
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| It butles your opponent for X damage.
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| It lodges in one of your opponent's windpipe for a very posh X damage.
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| It opens in mid-air and dumps its contents on your opponent. Looks like it was full of X damage.
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| You load the stuffed undead elbow macaroni into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It beats the stuffing out of your opponent for 23 damage.
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| ???
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| You load the stuffed yeti into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. The yeti attacks with all the felt-based rage it can muster, doing 1036 damage.
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| You load the stuffed yo-yo into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. A nearby cat sees it go flying by and leaps after it, landing on your opponent and scratching for 21 damage.
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| You load the stuffed zmobie into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It gnaws on him with its little felt teeth, for 53 damage.
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