The gift-a-pult allows various gift items to be used in combat. Each item's combat message is preceded with "You load the <item> into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger." Stuffed items are found on their own page.
P
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| Like all peanut brittle, when it hits your opponent it shatters into razor-sharp shards that slice <it> for 1068 damage.
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| The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes <it> for X damage.
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| It gives your opponent a massage that is perhaps a little too personal, doling out X damage.
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| Happy 57 damage to you, happy 57 damage to you, happy 57 damage, dear opponent, happy 57 damage to you.
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| It mugs your opponent for X damage.
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| As the disguise flies through the air, a pet rock soars in from nowhere, equips the disguise, then smashes into him for 11 damage.
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| A pet rock flies in from out of nowhere and equips the disguise, then bashes into him for 10 damage.
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| You load the plush alielf into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. Its representation of the horrors of the universe frightens him for 118 damage.
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| You load the plush alien hamsterpus into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. Some of the moon dust it's stuffed with leaks out on him, irradiating him for 518 damage.
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| You load the plush dogcat into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. The dog head hits first, then the cat head hits, and altogether it does 156 damage.
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| You load the plush ferrelf into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It poings at him for 328 damage.
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| You load the plush hamsterpus into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. The wire-backed plush tentacles flail, hitting him for 218 damage.
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| You load the plush mutated alielephant into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. It lands on top of him, crushing him for 1087 damage, and presumably scarring him for life as well.
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| You load the plush mutated alielf into the gift-a-pult and pull the trigger. The little spring-loaded second set of jaws in each head fire, hitting him for 437 damage.
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| Approximately 2 quills lodge in his sensitive flesh. If you were fighting two instances of him, he 'd be a prickly pair.
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| The fronds smack him for 24 damage, and with fronds like these, who needs terrible puns?
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| The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes <it> for X damage.
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| Your opponent inhales it, turns green, and coughs up 115 damage.
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R
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| Its dreadlocks whip him for 105 damage, to say nothing of its smell.
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| The balloon pops next to him, and it turns out it was filled with plague-inducing gas. Ironic! The gas does 1165-1214 damage.
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| You huck the coal at your foe, dealing 158 damage, and regretting it almost immediately.
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| A glove full of knives pops out of the sweater and slices <it> for X damage.
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| The red balloon goes by. A super-high-tech jet fighter spots it and fires on it, also strafing <it> for 12206 damage.
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| It goes off in mid-air and shoots one of your opponent's eyes out, also doing X damage.
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| The chain lands around his neck, and the cheap metal gives him a rash for %dmg damage.
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| The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes him for 11 damage.
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| It knocks your opponent down, and sends the chairs and lamps all scattering and doing 10-12 damage. Man, when it picks up speed, get out of its way!
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| It gets stuck on one of your opponent'ss' extremities, squeezing it for 10-12 damage. That was probably exactly how Boris would have handled the situation.
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| It gets stuck on one of your opponent'ss' extremities, squeezing <it> for 10-12 damage. Jarlsberg probably would have just cast a spell, but you do what you can with what you have.
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| It gets stuck on one of your opponent'ss' extremities, squeezing it for 10-12 damage. Sneaky Pete probably would have thrown a projectile from a safe distance, just like you just did!
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| It gets stuck on one of your opponent'ss' extremities, squeezing <it> for 10-12 damage. The Naughty Sorceress would have done the same, but with more cleavage and maniacal laughter.
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S
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| The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes him for 10-12 damage.
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| The chain lands around <its> neck, and the cheap metal gives <it> a rash for X damage. Now use 100 of them on every monster in the Kingdom and determine if the damage is constant, or has a modifier.
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| Woah, did you see that zeppelin with the hippo riding it go by? While I was watching that, your eyebrow piercing somehow did 11 damage!
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- Stuffed items are found on their own page.
T
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| The fly takes flight from the drink and in midair is eaten by a spider, which is eaten by a bird, which is eaten by a cat, which is eaten by a dog, which is eaten by a cow, which squashes <it> for 320 damage.
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| It untaps itself and catches him off guard, sapping it of 11048 points of energy.
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| The finger flies through the air and jabs your opponent right in the eye, dealing X damage! Ouch!
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| It gives him the thought that he ought to do 587 damage to his self, so he does.
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| All three tiers crash into him for 120 damage. Almost as damaging as being married, right fellas? Am I right, there, fellas?
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| The trousers land on your opponent, suffocating <it> for X damage. Checkmate.
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| The tulip's pot smacks into him, doing half of 52 damage for each of its lips.
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U
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| <It> is so skeeved out that <it> leaps backwards, landing on something sharp for 10 damage.
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V
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| It stages its own little Valentine's Day massacre, choking him with sickly-sweet frosting for 21018 damage.
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| The Venus flytrap changes into a Mars flytrap, biting him for 105 damage.
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| Jus de larmes? More like jus de harmes, am I right? Because... it harmed <him>. For 116 damage.
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W
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| Your opponent gets an ice cream headache, the hard way. The 101 damage way.
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- Cannot be flung
- Cannot be flung
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| It pops right next to him, startling him for 3 damage.
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| Your opponent accidentally sits on it when it lands, taking 10 embarrassment points.
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| They clamp down on a sensitive part of <its> anatomy and squeeze for 12 damage. Someone should write a short story about that.
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| The watch has the time of its life giving your opponent the time of their death, smacking him with its minute, hour, second, and eon hands for 336 damage.
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X
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| It focuses its rays on your opponent until the radiation does 11 damage.
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Y
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| The snowcone lands anticlimactically on the ground in front of <it>. Then <it> slips on it and falls over, inducing a comedic 12 damage.
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