Video Game Minion (zombie)

Zombie minion
Monster ID	unknown
Locations	The GameInformPowerDailyPro Dungeon
Hit Points	75% of Defense
Attack	Scales with player's Moxie
Defense	Scales with player's Muscle
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	construct
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	body
Drops	2 GIPDP items
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a zombie minion

You find a very generic-looking tombstone -- you know the sort, sort of oblong, rounded top, says "R.I.P." on it? You knock on it with your weapon a couple times, and a decayed arm bursts out of the ground, followed by a zombie. "Graaagh," he says.

"Yeah, that's what I figured," you say. "Come on, let's get this over with."

or

You hear a "Graaaagh" sort of noise, and turn around to see a zombie shuffling up to you. Gosh, it sure is unexpected to see a zombie in a dungeon, particularly one based on a popular video game, or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, you're totes surprised, for reals.

or

Suddenly, a zombie appears out of nowhere and attempts to bite you! Okay, well, that's not really accurate -- obviously he had to appear from somewhere. Probably over there in that dark and shadowy corner of the room, where you weren't looking.

Hit Message(s):

The zombie eats your eyes, which is entirely unreasonable. Eek! Ouch! Eek! Oof!

The zombie shuffles over and smacks you with its own arm. Oof! Ouch! Oof! Argh!

The zombie eats your <nipple> and kicks your brains! It must have been confused! Ooh! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh!

The zombie hops in a Zamboni and runs over you. Oof! Argh! Oof! Ouch!

The zombie eats your brains until you have a head full of zombie. Argh! Ow! Eek! Eek!

The zombie does a freaky little dance that ends with a kick to your groin. Oof! Oof! Ow! Oof!

The zombie gnaws on your <nipple>. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ow!

The zombie kicks your <nipple> and eats your brains! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! Ow!

The zombie robs you of your dignity and your left arm. Argh! Ow! Ooh! Ouch!

The zombie puts on a football helmet and runs right over you. Oof! Ouch! Oof! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

The zombie headbutts you with the metal bucket over its head. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

The zombie tries to eat your eyes, but that's where you draw the freakin' line.

The zombie tries to smack you with its own arm, but you disarm it.

The zombie tries to eat your <nipple> and kick your brains, then notices that it's gotten confused.

The zombie hops in a Zamboni and drives at you, but he's going so slowly you easily dodge.

The zombie tries to give you a head full of zombie, but you make it breakfast instead.

The zombie tries to do a freaky dance, but is too much of a white zombie to keep the rhythm.

The zombie tries to gnaw on your part, but you tell it, "no gnaw, now."

The zombie tries to rob you, but you tell that astro-creep to stay away from you.

The zombie puts on a football helmet and runs at you, but a plant pops up and spits peas at it.

The zombie tries to gnaw on your skull, but you're a numbskull so it doesn't hurt.

The zombie puts a metal bucket on its head, can't see where it's going, and wanders off.

Fumble Message:

The zombie tries to kick your <nipple> and eat your brains, but can't decide which one to do first. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

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Occurs at The GameInformPowerDailyPro Dungeon.

Notes

• Will drop up to 1 of each of the items selected to drop on the level.
• The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected:
  • Names follow the pattern of: ?
  • Introductions are listed above.
  • Images are randomly any of the following:

GameInformPowerDailyPro Minion Drops

Type Level 1 Level 2 Level 3 Booze tankard of ale bottle of wine shining goblet Food slice of pizza hamburger whole roasted chicken Combat Item vial of holy water round blue bomb fireball Meat Generator huge gold coin dollar-sign bag massive gemstone HP Restorer cartoon heart red potion extra-strength red potion MP Restorer gold star blue potion fancy blue potion Weapon iron dagger steel sword flaming sword Helm green cloth cap iron helmet gold crown

References

• The hit message about the zombie eating your eyes (and how unreasonable that is) is a reference to Jonathan Coulton's song RE: Your Brains, whose refrain contains the following lyrics:

"All we want to do is eat your brains / We're not unreasonable, nobody's going to eat your eyes."

• Several of the hit and miss messages (such as the one about the zombie running you over with a Zamboni) are references to the PopCap game Plants Vs. Zombies.
• The hit and miss messages containing "a head full of zombie" could be a reference to the Men at Work song "Down Under", with the lyrics "Traveling in a fried-out combie / On a hippie trail, head full of zombie", especially since later in the song a woman makes the narrator breakfast.