Gelatinous Noob

Gelatinous Noob is the Spring 2017 special challenge path, introduced on February 15, 2017. This path adds variant rules and restrictions to an ascension run. Its description in The Bureau of Reincarnation reads "You're a gelatinous cube with aspirations of humanity. Hungrily absorb items to gain power!"

Restrictions

• You cannot eat, drink, or consume spleen items normally:

You're not sure why humans are always putting things in their mouths.

• Consumption restriction is implemented by imposing a size 0 stomach, and spleen and a size 1 liver. This means that non-standard ways of eating will not work, but some non-standard ways of drinking will work and make you instantly overdrunk. So... consider nightcapping maybe?
• Skill-granting items cannot be used:

Nah, you'd just get the pages all sticky.

• Wearing equipment provides the attack/defense power, but gives no bonuses from regular enchantments.
  • This includes familiar equipment, Valhalla rewards, rollover adventures.
  • Unique and unusual enchantments with specially coded effects will generally still work. For example, items like the KoL Con 13 snowglobe that give post-combat drops will activate. Combat skills granted by equipment also remain available, as do outfit bonuses. Choice adventure and quest interactions involving equipment remain unaltered.
• You cannot adventure in The Sea. Attempting to talk to An Old Man gives the following message:

That shack you saw on the main map was just a picture of a shack drawn on the ground.

Divergences

• Your adventure begins with Welcome to the Kingdom, Gelatinous Noob.
• The Council of Loathing has different text reflecting your new class.
• Starting items are a dirty bottlecap, discarded button and an interesting clod of dirt.
• Upon freeing King Ralph you finally become human and choose one of the standard classes. If you choose a Muscle-based or a Mysticality-based class, your Moxie will switch with your new class's main stat.

Skills

Gelatinous Noob is a moxie class and has the ability to pickpocket. They also begin with a few active skills:

• Gelatinous Reconstruction (3 MP) - Removes Beaten Up and restores some HP
• Gelatinous Punch (5 MP)
• Gelatinous Headbutt (15 MP)
• Gelatinous Kick (30 MP)

As with all class-based paths, you have no access to your permanent skills, nor to guilds.

Absorbing items

You can absorb any items that are PvP stealable, as well as Gift Items and the three starting items. Items that cannot be traded, or which cannot be discarded may not be absorbed.

• Your absorption organ has a capacity of 2+level items per day, to a maximum of 15 absorptions at level 13.
• On rollover, your absorption organ is emptied. Maximum absorption is unchanged.

Absorbing equipment

Absorbing equipment grants you the enchantment bonuses of that equipment, until rollover.

• Familiar equipment is considered a non-equipment item for this purpose.
• Only standardized enchantments can be absorbed, while unique and unusual enchantments (which still work when the item is equipped) generally can not be absorbed.
• You can absorb multiple instances of the same item for stacking bonuses.

Absorbing other items

When absorbing non-equipment items, instead of providing whatever effect they would normally provide, grants Gelatinous Noob-specific passive skills. These skills persist through the rest of the ascension, until you free the King and stop being a Gelatinous Noob.

• • This means consumables with effects will not grant their effects, consumables that drop items will fail to drop those items, and anything else (such as Drippy Juice for access to The Drip) will also not be conferred.
• The skill granted is the skill id specified by the item's descid % 125 + 23001. See Ezandora's super helpful list of Noob skills for a list.
• Absorbing an item that grants a skill you don't have gives a base of 0 adventures and 0 stats, while absorbing an item that grants a skill you already have gives a base of 5 adventures and 50 stats. Both are modified by skills that increase gains from absorption.
• Six items, obtained from the Robortender, give combat frequency modifying skills instead:

  bottle of gregnadigne: Bendable Knees

  cocktail mushroom: Retractable Toes

  shot of granola liqueur: Ink Gland

  bottle of novelty hot sauce: Frown Muscles

  limepatch: Anger Glands

  baby oil shooter: Powerful Vocal Chords

Skill progression

You gain 1 skill point for each normal (softcore) Gelatinous Noob ascension completed and 2 points for each hardcore Gelatinous Noob ascension completed, up to a maximum of 20 points. At the start of subsequent Gelatinous Noob runs, you can spend these points to acquire skills from the list of skills you acquired by absorbing items in previous runs.

This path's skill bucket is Gummi-Memory, sold in Mr. Store for one Uncle Buck. It grants 5 skill points (up to 20) in your future Gelatinous Noob runs.

Skill Matrix

Click expand/collapse on the right to show/hide the whole giant skill table.

Gelatinous Noob Skills
+Adventures from Absorbing items +1 Central Hypothalamus Src +1 Rudimentary Alimentary Canal Src +2 Stomach-Like Thing Src +2 Small Intestine Src +3 Large Intestine Src	+Stats Per Fight +3 Work Ethic Src +3 Basic Self-Worth Src +5 Sense of Purpose Src +5 Sense of Pride Src +7 Arrogance Src	+Stats from Absorbing Items +5 Lysosomes Src +10 Mitochondria Src +15 Ribosomes Src +20 Vacuoles Src +25 Golgi Apparatus Src	+Item Drops +20% Left Eyeball Src +20% Right Eyeball Src +30% Optic Nerves Src +40% Saccade Reflex Src +50% Visual Cortex Src	+Meat +30% The Concept of Property Src +40% Financial Ambition Src +50% Business Acumen Src +60% Sense of Entitlement Src +70% Pathological Greed Src
+Maximum HP +20% Veins Src +30% Arteries Src +40% Small Left Kidney Src +50% Oversized Right Kidney Src +100% Beating Human Heart Src	+Maximum MP +20% Left Brain Hemisphere Src +30% Right Brain Hemisphere Src +40% Parasympathetic Nervous System Src +50% Sympathetic Nervous System Src +100% Spinal Cord Src	+Damage Absorption +30 Rigid Armbones Src +40 Rigid Legbones Src +50 Rigid Pelvis Src +60 Rigid Headbone Src +70 Rigid Rib Cage Src	+Damage Reduction: +5 Calluses Src +5 Cartilage Src +10 Spinal Discs Src +10 Shock-Absorbing Joints Src +20 Overalls Src	+Weapon Damage +7 Fingernails Src +9 Palms Src +11 Elbows Src +13 Knees Src +15 Knuckles Src
+Combat Initiative +10% Hamstrings Src +20% Ankle Joints Src +30% Kneecaps Src +40% Achilles Tendons Src +50% Anterior Cruciate Ligaments Src	+Pickpocket Chance +10% Pinky Fingers Src +20% Ring Fingers Src +30% Middle Fingers Src +40% Index Fingers Src +50% Thumbs Src	+Muscle +5 Triceps Src +10 Biceps Src +15 Abdominal Muscles Src +20 Pectoral Muscles Src +25 Gluteus Maximus Src	+Mysticality +5 Object Permanence Src +10 Abstract Reasoning Src +15 Deductive Reasoning Src +20 Introspection Src +25 Algebra Src	+Moxie +5 Sense of Style Src +10 Vestibular System Src +15 Sense of Humor Src +20 Sense of Sarcasm Src +25 Sunglasses Src
+Hot Resistance (+1) Dilatable Capillaries Src (+1) Upper Hypothalamus Src (+2) Thick Dermis Src (+2) High Water Content Src (+3) Sweat Glands Src	+Cold Resistance (+1) Constrictable Capillaries Src (+1) Lower Hypothalamus Src (+2) Shiver Reflex Src (+2) Chatterable Teeth Src (+3) Subcutaneous Fat Src	+Stench Resistance (+1) Nose Hair Src (+1) Pinchable Nose Src (+2) Nasal Lamina Propria Src (+2) Nasal Septum Src (+3) Olfactory Cortex Src	+Spooky Resistance (+1) Left Eyelid Src (+1) Right Eyelid Src (+2) Hyperactive Amygdala Src (+2) Adrenal Gland Src (+3) Bravery Gland Src	+Sleaze Resistance (+1) Sense of Decorum Src (+1) Blush Reflex Src (+2) Sense of Propriety Src (+2) Politeness Src (+3) Profound Shame Src
+Hot Damage +3 Warm Smile Src +5 Warm Heart Src +7 Warm Blood Src +9 Choleric Humours Src +11 Hot Headedness Src	+Cold Damage +3 Cool Head Src +5 Cool Heels Src +7 Cold Feet Src +9 Cold Heart Src +11 Ice Water In Your Veins Src	+Stench Damage +3 Bad Breath Src +5 Armpit Sweat Glands Src +7 Armpit Hair Src +9 Weak Esophageal Sphincter Src +11 Thriving Gut Flora Src	+Spooky Damage +3 Sunken Cheeks Src +5 Pallid Skin Src +7 Dark Circles Under Your Eyes Src +9 Vacant Stare Src +11 Visible Skull Src	+Sleaze Damage +3 Sweaty Palms Src +5 Waxy Ears Src +7 Oily Scalp Src +9 Flop Sweat Src +11 Thrustable Pelvis Src
	-Combat Freq Bendable Knees Src Retractable Toes Src Ink Gland Src +Combat Freq Frown Muscles Src Anger Glands Src Powerful Vocal Chords Src

Strategy

• It's best to take the skills that give more adventures per absorb as early as possible, to best take advantage of it. A good start is potted cactus -> dirty bottlecap -> hermit permit -> baconstone -> LOV Enamorang.
• The core set of skills to speed up your run are stats per fight, item drops, meat drops and pickpocket chance. If you're not getting the jump to pickpocket, consider picking up some +init, which is helpful in a couple of zones anyways. If you're dying to monsters, pick up +moxie or +100% HP. Consider "perming" the following list of skills to ease advancement:
  • all 5 +adv skills
  • all 5 +item% skills
  • Arrogance
  • Beating Human Heart
  • Pathological Greed
  • Sunglasses
  • Thumbs
  • Many of the +stat per fight skills are available for low meat costs at the start of a run, which removes the need to perm them.
• Since the initial combat skills all do physical damage, you will need some elemental bonus damage for physical-resistant monsters (e.g. at A-boo Peak). Either pick up one of the passive elemental damage skills or absorb equipment with a bonus to gain that bonus until rollover, if you cannot Summon Love Stinkbug.
• Survivability is also enhanced by wearing high power hats and pants, as these have higher DA. Equipment found in The Armory and Leggery may be unenchanted, but is still good for their Damage Absorption values. Bankruptcy barrel is a decent starting pants with 100 DA, no equip requirement, and basically no cost real or opportunity because the other two items would be even less useful.
• Remember that not every absorb needs to be for a new skill -- absorbing an item for which you already have the skill gives 5 extra adventures over a new one, which can help make daycount.
• Although you cannot benefit from normal enchantments, hardcoded items with nonstandard enchantments or effects that still apply:
  • The gravy boat will reduce evil.
  • You still get stats and items from the KoL Con 13 snowglobe.
  • Cowboy Kick is still granted by your cowboy boots, and is supplemented by appropriate spurs and/or skins. Rotting cowskin is very good for being an extra source of deleveling.
  • You can still bust ghosts with the protonic accelerator pack, and take blobs of their energy.
    • The frigid derringer will provide high damage, ease of hitting due to being a ranged weapon, and a stun effect.
    • Mr. Screege's spectacles provide Meat and items.
  • You can still get the item drops from the Floundry equipment, if not the effects themselves. As a ranged weapon, the bass clarinet is a decent choice. The free white pixels are obviously a plus.
  • Loadstone can still attract extra fasteners in The Smut Orc Logging Camp.
  • Blackberry galoshes still increases the exploration rate of The Black Forest.
  • Antique machete still makes dense liana encounters free.
  • Attorney's badge will block attacks.
  • UV-resistant compass still increases the exploration rate of the The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert.
  • Outfit effects apply.
• If you have the Intergnat, you can get one yellow ray per day by buying viral videos.
  • If you have the Mayo Clinic, you can get one single additional yellow ray by using a packet of mayo, then using a mayo lance. Make it count, because being unable to eat means you can't ever de-mayo your mouth-approximation!
• There are not many possibilities for -combat chance: Rational Thought, shoe gum (once per day), cuppa Obscuri tea (once per day) and worst candy, if you can get it from KoL Con 13 snowglobe. This is somewhat mitigated by the Robortender drops, although quest planning is still advised.
• There are not as many sources of ML as in other paths. For leveling, this can be made up for by buying the +stats per fight skills. For the areas where you need +ML, consider the following sources: perfume of prejudice (5), detuned radio (10), Internate Debatable (10), WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA (20), Greek fire (25), monsters.enq (25), cuppa Mediocri tea (30), Emotional Vaccine (30). You can also absorb equipment to push you over a threshold.
• While you can't use Transcendent Olfaction, there are still many other ways of fighting the monsters you want: Digitize, Duplicate, LOV Enamorang, the Time-Spinner, alpine watercolor set, print screen button and Nosy Nose.
  • As with every path with wanderers (Digitized or enamorang'd), you can save turns by fighting wanderers in areas with delay(), as all fought monsters, even free wanderers, burn it. Consider Digitizing many Witchess Rooks, as Greek fire is the only useful Witchess drop for blobventurers, and grants a generous amount of bonus substats.
• Since you can't eat pies, remember to do the Daily Dungeon early and often (enough).

Rewards

• If this is your first run as the Gelatinous Noob, opening the letter from King Ralph XI unlocks a new class tattoo. There is also a sparkly tattoo available upon completion of a hardcore run as a Gelatinous Noob.
• Finishing a Gelatinous Noob run that began while it was still the current special challenge path -- that is, between February 15th, 2017, and May 14th, 2017 -- gave players 100 (in Hardcore) or 50 (in Normal) extra karma points the next time they visited Valhalla.
• Players will receive a Thwaitgold amoeba statuette upon defeating the Naughty Sorceress (3).
• Learning all of the passive Gelatinous Noob skills entitles you to a trophy. (The six active skills that affect Combat Frequency are not required.)
  • Given how the trophy takes a minimum of 7 days to acquire, getting it in Hardcore is a good opportunity to go for Gourdcore and possibly Golden Meat Stack.

Ascension Paths
Boozetafarian	Teetotaler	Oxygenarian
Special Challenge Paths
Spring Summer Fall Winter 2011 None Bees Hate You Way of the Surprising Fist Trendy 2012 Avatar of Boris Bugbear Invasion Zombie Slayer Class Act 2013 Avatar of Jarlsberg BIG! KOLHS Class Act II: A Class For Pigs 2014 Avatar of Sneaky Pete Slow and Steady Heavy Rains Picky 2015 Actually Ed the Undying One Crazy Random Summer Community Service None 2016 Avatar of West of Loathing The Source Nuclear Autumn None 2017 Gelatinous Noob License to Adventure Live. Ascend. Repeat. None 2018 Pocket Familiars G-Lover Disguises Delimit None 2019 Dark Gyffte Two Crazy Random Summer Kingdom of Exploathing None 2020 Path of the Plumber Low Key Summer Grey Goo None 2021 You, Robot Quantum Terrarium Wildfire None 2022 Grey You Journeyman Fall of the Dinosaurs None 2023 Avatar of Shadows Over Loathing Legacy of Loathing A Shrunken Adventurer am I None 2024 WereProfessor 11 Things I Hate About U Avant Guard None 2025 Z is for Zootomist Hat Trick 11,037 Leagues Under the Sea None