Monster Manuel (J)

There are Template:Monster Manuel Entries Count creatures filed under J.

Monster Manuel Entries

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		84		Jacob's adder A Jacob's Adder can be used to power a calculator, because of the natural laws of punning and irony. A Jacob's Adder can also replace the serpentine belt on a car engine. A single Jacob's Adder could provide electricity for a small home for a year, but it won't because it's a total jerk.
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		40		jailbait orquette The jailbait orquette's favorite booze is peppermint mouthwash, because that's all she can steal from her parents. The jailbait orquette's favorite lip gloss flavor is chunky monkey. The jailbait orquette's favorite item of clothing is her neon-pink ripped-up fishnet stockings.
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		400		jamfish One jamfish aimlessly circled the same coral outcropping for six straight hours. Fans of jamfish trade bootlegs of that video to this day. The difference between jam and jelly is that jam is made with every edible part of the fruit, while jelly is made from just fruit juice. The difference between peanut butter and jam is that . . . never mind, it's a family game.
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		180		Jeff the Fancy Skeleton Jeff only made it a single step into his mine before triggering a rockslide and falling to his death. It wouldn't have mattered, really, because the only mining tool he brought with him was a shrimp fork. Jeff's eventual fate is to become Jeff the Fancy Dust.
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		140		Jefferson pilot Jefferson Airline pilots use psychedelic drugs to keep themselves alert and to make their flights more interesting for all involved. Jefferson Airline pilots want somebody to love, and need somebody to love, but their constant travel and long working hours make that difficult. Jefferson Airline pilots have an annual White Rabbit Chase at their yearly convention.
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		?		jet-ski bandit Jet-Ski is a registered trademark of the Kawasaki corporation. Fortunately, since the Kawasaki corporation was destroyed when everything else on earth was destroyed, we are probably safe from copyright lawsuits. If you need to blow your nose while you're on a Jet-Ski, just check the glove compartment. It's full of Xeroxed kleenex that you can use.
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		115		Jocko Homo Jocko Homo has heard all the jokes, and doesn't need any lip from you. The species of latently-gay sports enthusiast you encounter in high school is Jockus Homus, not Jocko Homo. "Jock Humus" is the stuff that accumulates in a football player's. . . never mind.
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		1250		Johnringo, the Netdragger The dragnet is considered a more noble weapon than the switchblade by the gladiatorial community. Gladiators have a pretty high turnover rate. Not, like, "amusement park janitor" high, but high. In the hand-signal game based on Mer-kin gladiator battles, the dragnet beats the dodgeball but loses to the switchblade.
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		?		Judge Fudge Judges wear those big curly wigs because the curls are convenient places to store pencils and small treats. Some courts have experimented with using airhorns or desk bells instead of gavels, but they just don't have the same gravitas. Graveltas. Wait, how does he keep that gingerbread gavel from breaking? What kind of gingerbread is that?
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		45		judgmental eye Judgmental eyes live in constant fear of cataracts. This is because they don't want to accidentally go over one in a barrel. Judgmental eyes cannot swim, they can only float.
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		50		jungle baboon Jungle baboons were, evolutionarily speaking, more successful than desert baboons, because it's hard to live in the trees where there aren't any. Baboons are Old World monkeys, not like those youngster monkeys with their roller skates and their listening to the hippity-hoppity music. Baboons have been known to raise lost human foundlings as one of their tribe; weirdly enough, male children raised this way never grow a beard or body hair.
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		90		jungle scabie Jungle scabies are most commonly contracted by participating in "cuddle puddles" at raves. The symptoms of jungle scabies are itching, burning, and attempting to hum along to music that mainly consists of "oontz oontz oontz oontz". Jungle scabies can be easily removed with the application of special shampoo, or by playing a lot of ambient trance music.
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		159		Junk According to legend, the Junk was a mortal ship named "The Peter O'Toole," which was given a memorial in the stars after it sank into a trench. Some astronomers insist on referring to the junk as "Smiling Triangle-Eye Face," omitting the lines that link the sails to the ship. In older astronomy books, the Junk is part of a larger constellation called the Batch.
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		32		junksprite bender Junksprite benders have a sharper wit than junksprite sharpeners, and junksprite sharpeners go on longer benders than junksprite benders. It's a weird society. Every junksprite is free to pursue his or her interests in a consequence-free environment, so long as those interests involve turning junk into different junk--er, I mean, "upcycling." Junksprite benders like to turn lengths of pipe into elaborate, impractical bicycles. Then they paint them bright colors and fill a bathtub with them. And they don't feel they need to explain their art to you, Warren.
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		37		junksprite melter Like hippies, junksprite melters are a little loopy from the fumes they've inhaled over the years. Unlike hippies, the junksprite's fumes come from melting metal, not herbs. Junksprite melters know the precise temperature at which every common junk metal melts. No use heating the forge for pig iron if you're only melting aluminum, I always say. Junksprite melters listen to a genre of music called "liquid metal," which is like heavy metal, but with hotter guitar solos.
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		37		junksprite sharpener Junksprite sharpeners can sharpen just about anything, except their own wits. BURN! In their off-time, sharpeners whittle razor blades out of soap, after whittling razor blades out of tin cans. A junksprite sharpener can sharpen a knife so sharp that it can split hairs, but not so sharp it can pick nits.
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		50		juvenile delinquent orquette The most popular tattoo for juvenile delinquent orquettes is a butterfly with tribal designs on its wings and ORC LIFE underneath it. Contrary to her protestations, the orquettes' dad is a moderate-to-slightly-conservative libertarian, not a total fascist. The orquette still sleeps with her fuzzy purple teddy bear, but she'll cut you wtih[sic] her switchblade if you mention it.
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References

• The junksprite bender not explaining his art to Warren is a quote from the film Empire Records.