Quest for the Holy MacGuffin: Difference between revisions
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*Buy the [[forged identification documents]] at [[The Black Market]] for 5,000 Meat. You can also buy a [[can of black paint]] for 1000 meat, though it is not strictly necessary until later in the quest. | *Buy the [[forged identification documents]] at [[The Black Market]] for 5,000 Meat. You can also buy a [[can of black paint]] for 1000 meat, though it is not strictly necessary until later in the quest. | ||
*Vacation at [[The Shore, Inc.|The Shore]] until you get [[Covert Operations]], which will give you [[your father's MacGuffin diary]]. | *Vacation at [[The Shore, Inc.|The Shore]] until you get [[Covert Operations]], which will give you [[your father's MacGuffin diary]]. | ||
*Read your entire father's journal to add the four parts of the Holy MacGuffin quest to your quest log and to read background and hints. You will need to go to explore the [[Palindome]], [[Spookyraven Manor]], and [[the Hidden Temple]] to reassemble the [[Staff of Ed]], and venture into | *Read your entire father's journal to add the four parts of the Holy MacGuffin quest to your quest log and to read background and hints. You will need to go to explore the [[Palindome]], [[Spookyraven Manor]], and [[the Hidden Temple]] to reassemble the [[Staff of Ed]], and venture into [[The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert]] to find [[The Ancient Buried Pyramid]]. | ||
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*If you haven't unlocked Spookyraven Manor yet, adventure in [[The Haunted Pantry]] until you receive [[The Manor in Which You're Accustomed]]. | *If you haven't unlocked Spookyraven Manor yet, adventure in [[The Haunted Pantry]] until you receive [[The Manor in Which You're Accustomed]]. | ||
*If you have ''not'' unlocked the [[Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor | upper floor of Spookyraven Manor]], proceed with the following: | *If you have ''not'' unlocked the [[Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor | upper floor of Spookyraven Manor]], proceed with the following: | ||
** Adventure in | ** Adventure in [[The Haunted Billiards Room]] until you obtain a [[handful of hand chalk]] and a [[pool cue]]. | ||
** Use the [[handful of hand chalk]] to obtain the effect [[Chalky Hand]]. | ** Use the [[handful of hand chalk]] to obtain the effect [[Chalky Hand]]. | ||
** Adventure in [[The Haunted Billiards Room]] until you get the adventure [[Minnesota Incorporeals]]. Choose to let the ghost break, then choose to go for a solid ball, then choose to go for the [[8 ball]]. You will obtain the [[Spookyraven library key]]. | ** Adventure in [[The Haunted Billiards Room]] until you get the adventure [[Minnesota Incorporeals]]. Choose to let the ghost break, then choose to go for a solid ball, then choose to go for the [[8 ball]]. You will obtain the [[Spookyraven library key]]. | ||
** Adventure in [[The Haunted Library]] until you get the adventure [[Take a Look, it's in a Book!]] (either variant of this adventure). Click on the image of the 3rd book from the left on the top shelf. This grants access to [[Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor]]. | ** Adventure in [[The Haunted Library]] until you get the adventure [[Take a Look, it's in a Book!]] (either variant of this adventure). Click on the image of the 3rd book from the left on the top shelf. This grants access to [[Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor]]. | ||
*Adventure in | *Adventure in [[The Haunted Bedroom]] until you obtain the [[Spookyraven ballroom key]] and [[Lord Spookyraven's spectacles]]. The spectacles are obtained in a special adventure [[One Nightstand (Ornate)]]. Choose the adventure: Look behind the nightstand. | ||
*Adventure in [[The Haunted Ballroom]] until you play [[We'll All Be Flat]]. | *Adventure in [[The Haunted Ballroom]] until you play [[We'll All Be Flat]]. | ||
*Equip [[Lord Spookyraven's spectacles]] (only required for first Ascension). | *Equip [[Lord Spookyraven's spectacles]] (only required for first Ascension). | ||
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*Paste the [[ancient amulet]] to the [[Eye of Ed]] to obtain the [[headpiece of the Staff of Ed]]. Then paste the headpiece to the [[Staff of Fats]] to get the [[Staff of Ed]]. Alternatively, paste the [[ancient amulet]] to the [[Staff of Fats]] to obtain [[Staff of Ed, almost]]. Then paste the [[Eye of Ed]] to the [[Staff of Ed, almost]] to get the [[Staff of Ed]]. | *Paste the [[ancient amulet]] to the [[Eye of Ed]] to obtain the [[headpiece of the Staff of Ed]]. Then paste the headpiece to the [[Staff of Fats]] to get the [[Staff of Ed]]. Alternatively, paste the [[ancient amulet]] to the [[Staff of Fats]] to obtain [[Staff of Ed, almost]]. Then paste the [[Eye of Ed]] to the [[Staff of Ed, almost]] to get the [[Staff of Ed]]. | ||
*Unlock A Small Pyramid by having [[worm-riding hooks]] in your inventory (you do not need to equip them) and using a [[drum machine]]. | *Unlock A Small Pyramid by having [[worm-riding hooks]] in your inventory (you do not need to equip them) and using a [[drum machine]]. | ||
*Go to A Small Pyramid in the [[Desert Beach|beach]] with the Staff of Ed in your inventory. This unlocks the trap door to | *Go to A Small Pyramid in the [[Desert Beach|beach]] with the Staff of Ed in your inventory. This unlocks the trap door to [[The Ancient Buried Pyramid]]. | ||
*Do one of the following: | *Do one of the following: | ||
**In [[The Ancient Buried Pyramid]], adventure in [[The Upper Chamber]] until you find a [[carved wooden wheel]]. You may wish to buy [[anti-anti-antidote]]s and/or equip a [[giant pinky ring]] or better yet equip a [[Bezoar ring]]; the [[Really Quite Poisoned]] effect can make normal combat very difficult. Then adventure in [[The Middle Chamber]] until you encounter the [[Wheel in the Pyramid, Keep on Turning]] non-combat. | **In [[The Ancient Buried Pyramid]], adventure in [[The Upper Chamber]] until you find a [[carved wooden wheel]]. You may wish to buy [[anti-anti-antidote]]s and/or equip a [[giant pinky ring]] or better yet equip a [[Bezoar ring]]; the [[Really Quite Poisoned]] effect can make normal combat very difficult. Then adventure in [[The Middle Chamber]] until you encounter the [[Wheel in the Pyramid, Keep on Turning]] non-combat. | ||
**Obtain a [[tomb ratchet]] in [[The Upper Chamber]] and use it. At this stage the ratchet will only drop if you have ascended at least once, forcing you to acquire the wheel if you do not purchase a ratchet from [[The Mall of Loathing|the mall]]. | **Obtain a [[tomb ratchet]] in [[The Upper Chamber]] and use it. At this stage the ratchet will only drop if you have ascended at least once, forcing you to acquire the wheel if you do not purchase a ratchet from [[The Mall of Loathing|the mall]]. | ||
*For each [[tomb ratchet]] you use, or each time you [[Wheel in the Pyramid, Keep on Turning|spin the wheel]], | *For each [[tomb ratchet]] you use, or each time you [[Wheel in the Pyramid, Keep on Turning|spin the wheel]], [[The Lower Chambers|Lower Chambers]] change. If you the first option above, the first ratchet you use will discover the wheel rather than turning it. Adventure in the Lower Chambers when the following rooms are visible ('''Note:''' Do '''not''' adventure on the lowest floor when either room has holes in the walls (black spots), or you will lose the items you've collected; bombing the rubble without an empty room will also cause a restart): | ||
**Rotate 3 times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the room with bucket on the left, and empty room on the right to obtain an [[ancient bronze token]] | **Rotate 3 times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the room with bucket on the left, and empty room on the right to obtain an [[ancient bronze token]] | ||
**Rotate 4 more times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the pile of rocks on the left, vending machine on the right to obtain an [[ancient bomb]] in exchange for the token | **Rotate 4 more times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the pile of rocks on the left, vending machine on the right to obtain an [[ancient bomb]] in exchange for the token | ||
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==Rewards== | ==Rewards== | ||
*A [[handful of confetti]]. Yay. | *A [[handful of confetti]]. Yay. | ||
*In your [[Quest Log]] under completed quests you will see: "You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over | *In your [[Quest Log]] under completed quests you will see: "You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over to the Council, and enjoyed a ticker-tape parade in your honor. That quest was so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny, and now it's over! Hooray!" | ||
==Text== | ==Text== | ||
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''Completion text:'' | ''Completion text:'' | ||
:'''<name> and the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin''' | :'''<name> and the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin''' | ||
:You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over | :You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over to the Council, and enjoyed a ticker-tape parade in your honor. That quest was so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny, and now it's over! Hooray! | ||
==Notes== | ==Notes== |
Revision as of 02:44, 29 April 2012
Description
The Council of Loathing sends you on a mission to recover the Holy MacGuffin.
Tasks
- If this is your first ascension, adventure in The Black Forest until you find sunken eyes, broken wings, and the black market map.
- Combine the eyes and wings to make a reassembled blackbird. Use it to get the Reassembled Blackbird familiar.
- Set it to your active familiar, then use the map.
- The Reassembled Blackbird no longer flies away after using the map. Therefore, subsequent runs will not require the assembly of the reassembled blackbird.
- For Bees Hate You runs, you will make a Reconstituted Crow instead out of a bird brain and busted wings.
- For Avatar of Boris runs, you only have to have the reassembled blackbird in inventory when using the map, since it is impossible to use it.
- Buy the forged identification documents at The Black Market for 5,000 Meat. You can also buy a can of black paint for 1000 meat, though it is not strictly necessary until later in the quest.
- Vacation at The Shore until you get Covert Operations, which will give you your father's MacGuffin diary.
- Read your entire father's journal to add the four parts of the Holy MacGuffin quest to your quest log and to read background and hints. You will need to go to explore the Palindome, Spookyraven Manor, and the Hidden Temple to reassemble the Staff of Ed, and venture into The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert to find The Ancient Buried Pyramid.
Hidden Temple quest (Gotta Worship Them All)
- Open the path to The Hidden Temple.
- When adventuring in The Hidden Temple, using stone wool to obtain the Stone-Faced effect will allow you to receive the non-combat adventure of your choice immediately. This is not required but it will speed things up greatly.
- Before you read the diary, you may want to adventure in the Temple until you receive Such Great Heights. Choose to climb down some vines to receive the Nostril of the Serpent.
- After reading the diary, continue in the Temple until you receive The Hidden Heart of the Hidden Temple (any of them). Choose to go down the stairs, then choose the one with the cute little lightning-tailed guy on it, then choose to go through the door. (The Pikachutlotal button will only be noticed after reading your father's journal).
- If you do not have the Nostril of the Serpent you will not be able to choose which button you press, only press a random button.
- In At Least It's Not Full Of Trash, pick the middle choice (Raise your hands up towards the heavens), hinted at in your father's journal.
- Next is a 9x7 spelling puzzle Dvorak's Revenge. The word to spell out is "bananas".
- Finally, in No Visible Means of Support, pick the last choice (Do nothing).
- This unlocks The Hidden City location in the Distant Woods.
- Explore each part of the Hidden City until you encounter four ancient protector spirits (all four are physically immune and cannot be CLEESHed). Each spirit will drop one of the following: the cracked stone sphere, the mossy stone sphere, the rough stone sphere or the smooth stone sphere. Note: There is a fifth ancient protector spirit who will drop an obsidian dagger, but this spirit is optional. To harm the spirits, use items, skills, or weapons that deal elemental damage.
- Optionally, adventure until you encounter a dead archaeologist, whose notebook may help with sphere placement.
- Use each of the four stones in combat and note their messages. These messages will be the key to which altar you should put the stone in. Note that the messages may not be the same after ascending, you still need to check which message shows in battle every ascension.
- Go to the four altars. Each altar will give you a triangular stone if the correct stone sphere is placed in it; if you place the wrong stone sphere in an altar, however, you will lose either 3 adventures or the remainder of those available to you, whichever is fewer, and suffer Hardly Poisoned at All. The archaeologist's notebook will give some clues on how to match up the spheres to the altars, but it is also necessary to look at the messages a sphere gives you when used in combat:
Combat Light Colour | Altar | God Type | Picture |
---|---|---|---|
Red | Charcoatl | God of fire and war | ![]() |
Yellow | Pikachutlotal | God of thunder and lightning | ![]() |
Green | Bulbazinalli | God of plants and nature | ![]() |
Blue | Squirtlcthulli | God of water and doorknobs | ![]() |
- Once you acquire all four triangular stones, enter A Smallish Temple. Fight the Protector Spectre (another physically immune monster) and you'll obtain the spectre scepter and the ancient amulet.
Spooky Raven quest (In a Manor of Spooking)
Portions of this will have already been opened if you've completed the Spookyraven Manor Quest.
- If you haven't unlocked Spookyraven Manor yet, adventure in The Haunted Pantry until you receive The Manor in Which You're Accustomed.
- If you have not unlocked the upper floor of Spookyraven Manor, proceed with the following:
- Adventure in The Haunted Billiards Room until you obtain a handful of hand chalk and a pool cue.
- Use the handful of hand chalk to obtain the effect Chalky Hand.
- Adventure in The Haunted Billiards Room until you get the adventure Minnesota Incorporeals. Choose to let the ghost break, then choose to go for a solid ball, then choose to go for the 8 ball. You will obtain the Spookyraven library key.
- Adventure in The Haunted Library until you get the adventure Take a Look, it's in a Book! (either variant of this adventure). Click on the image of the 3rd book from the left on the top shelf. This grants access to Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor.
- Adventure in The Haunted Bedroom until you obtain the Spookyraven ballroom key and Lord Spookyraven's spectacles. The spectacles are obtained in a special adventure One Nightstand (Ornate). Choose the adventure: Look behind the nightstand.
- Adventure in The Haunted Ballroom until you play We'll All Be Flat.
- Equip Lord Spookyraven's spectacles (only required for first Ascension).
- Go to the first floor, then down to Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar where you should see Wine Cellar Glyphs on the wall. You will need one dusty bottle of wine corresponding to each glyph. The wines are a dusty bottle of Marsala, a dusty bottle of Merlot, a dusty bottle of Muscat, a dusty bottle of Pinot Noir, a dusty bottle of Port, and a dusty bottle of Zinfandel. You can only see glyphs in the in-game description pop-up while wearing Lord Spookyraven's spectacles (first Ascension only; spectacles in inventory suffice for subsequent runs). The glyphs corresponding to the wines are randomized each ascension.
- Fight among the Wine Racks until you have enough wine. Each corner drops only three distinct types of wine, as described on the location page.
- Pour wine down the hole at the Wine Cellar Glyphs in the order noted by the glyph pattern: the top, left, then right glyph. If you make a mistake, you will be Majorly Poisoned for 10 adventures and need to replace any bottles you spent that are necessary.
- Fight Lord Spookyraven in the Summoning Chamber. His attacks do slightly more or less than your current HP in damage. As all of his attacks are elemental, Elemental Resistance is very helpful. He is a spooky elemental so hot and stench attacks are very effective. Using a bronzed locust from The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert to reduce monster level drastically at the beginning of combat is also very effective. Beating Lord Spookyraven will reward you with the Eye of Ed and Lord Spookyraven's ear trumpet.
The Palindome (Never Odd Or Even)
- Unlock The Poop Deck by completing the Cap'm Caronch Quest.
- Adventure in The Poop Deck in the Obligatory Pirate's Cove until you get It's Always Swordfish, which unlocks Belowdecks.
- Adventure Belowdecks until you get 2 gaudy keys.
- Use the keys (while still wearing the fledges or the Swashbuckling gear) to get two snakehead charrrms and meatpaste them into a Talisman o' Nam.
- Equip the Talisman o' Nam and click on the Plains to open the path to the Palindome. You'll need to keep the Talisman equipped in order to adventure there.
- Adventure in the Palindome until you obtain a ketchup hound and receive these three non-combat adventures:
- Rod Nevada, Vendor, which will give you hard rock candy.
- Do Geese See God?, which will give you a photograph of God.
- Last Egg Gets Al, which will give you a hard-boiled ostrich egg.
- These adventures are superlikely (not affected by combat frequency modifiers).
- You will need stunt nuts later on so you should try to get them from Bob Racecar or Racecar Bob.
- Once you have all four items, adventure until you get the Drawn Onward non-combat adventure, where you put the four items on a shelf in this order:
- Shelf #1: photograph of God
- Shelf #2: hard rock candy
- Shelf #3: ketchup hound
- Shelf #4: hard-boiled ostrich egg
- After placing the items on the shelves, you will lose all your hit points and receive 4 adventures of Beaten Up. You will also get a diary, "I Love Me, Vol. I".
- Read (use) the I Love Me book, and restore some HP.
- You must cook and deliver a wet stunt nut stew to Mr. Alarm, in the Laboratory in Cobb's Knob. There are a few ways you can do this:
- If you're in a Normal ascension, you can pull a wet stew, and cook that with the stunt nuts. Then boost non-combats and adventure in the Laboratory until you find Mr. Alarm.
- If you're in a Hardcore ascension (or if you cannot pull the stew), then you must adventure in Whitey's Grove until you get a bird rib from a whitesnake and some lion oil from a white lion. Cook them together to get wet stew, and then cook that with stunt nuts from the Palindome to get wet stunt nut stew.
- If Whitey's Grove is not open yet, you can open it by finding Mr. Alarm. Doing this will also raise the drop rates on the lion oil and the bird rib.
- If your class has a Guild, and if you opened it, you can talk to the member at the back to receive the White Citadel Quest, which will open Whitey's Grove. However, this will leave the drop rates on the bird rib and the lion oil at their low values, unless you also talk to Mr. Alarm first.
- When you turn in the wet stunt nut stew, you'll get the Mega Gem.
- Equip the Mega Gem and the Talisman and go back to the Palindome to fight Dr. Awkward (pick any choice from the options to fight him). Defeating him yields the Staff of Fats and the Drowsy Sword.
Pyramid quest (A Pyramid Scheme)
- Adventure in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert until you get the trader gnome; haggle with him, do NOT pay the 5000 meat. Be forewarned: it could be awhile before you see the gnome (but typically not longer than a few adventures). This unlocks An Oasis.
- Go to An Oasis to receive the Glug, Glug, Glug adventure to become Ultrahydrated. Or, have a ten-leaf clover in your inventory then go to An Oasis, to receive the Some Things Never Change adventure.
- NOTE: After the Oasis is unlocked, you will want to make sure you stay Ultrahydrated at ALL times while adventuring in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert, or else you simply encounter negative effect adventures (like the ones you found when trying to unlock the Oasis.)
- Go back to The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert and adventure until you encounter A Sietch in Time to talk to Gnasir the gnome, who now wants a stone rose, which can be found in the Oasis.
- If you haven't done so already, buy a can of black paint in The Black Market (for the next adventure).
- Adventure in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert until you encounter No Colors Anymore to speak with Gnasir again. He will ask you to paint his door black, which you will do if you have the can of black paint.
- If you didn't buy the paint already, do so now. Then adventure in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert until you encounter Still No Colors Anymore to find that Gnasir needs time to talk with the tribe.
- Adventure in An Oasis to find a drum machine if you didn't get one earlier.
- Adventure again in The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert until you meet Gnasir in Walk Without Rhythm, where he will ask you for a drum machine, which he will return to you to use later. If you already have the drum machine, he will then ask for 15 manual pages and you can go directly to the oasis (skipping Walk Without Rhythm 2).
- If you didn't get the drum machine before, adventure in An Oasis until you find one. Then adventure in the desert until you find Gnasir again with Walk Without Rhythm 2.
- Go back to An Oasis to get the pages in three separate adventures:
- Once you acquire them all return to The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert and when you encounter Gnasir in The Sleeper Has Awakened, Give the 15 pages to him in exchange for worm-riding hooks.
- With the worm-riding hooks in your inventory (you do not need to equip them), use the drum machine to open The Ancient Buried Pyramid.
The Ancient Buried Pyramid
- Paste the ancient amulet to the Eye of Ed to obtain the headpiece of the Staff of Ed. Then paste the headpiece to the Staff of Fats to get the Staff of Ed. Alternatively, paste the ancient amulet to the Staff of Fats to obtain Staff of Ed, almost. Then paste the Eye of Ed to the Staff of Ed, almost to get the Staff of Ed.
- Unlock A Small Pyramid by having worm-riding hooks in your inventory (you do not need to equip them) and using a drum machine.
- Go to A Small Pyramid in the beach with the Staff of Ed in your inventory. This unlocks the trap door to The Ancient Buried Pyramid.
- Do one of the following:
- In The Ancient Buried Pyramid, adventure in The Upper Chamber until you find a carved wooden wheel. You may wish to buy anti-anti-antidotes and/or equip a giant pinky ring or better yet equip a Bezoar ring; the Really Quite Poisoned effect can make normal combat very difficult. Then adventure in The Middle Chamber until you encounter the Wheel in the Pyramid, Keep on Turning non-combat.
- Obtain a tomb ratchet in The Upper Chamber and use it. At this stage the ratchet will only drop if you have ascended at least once, forcing you to acquire the wheel if you do not purchase a ratchet from the mall.
- For each tomb ratchet you use, or each time you spin the wheel, Lower Chambers change. If you the first option above, the first ratchet you use will discover the wheel rather than turning it. Adventure in the Lower Chambers when the following rooms are visible (Note: Do not adventure on the lowest floor when either room has holes in the walls (black spots), or you will lose the items you've collected; bombing the rubble without an empty room will also cause a restart):
- Rotate 3 times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the room with bucket on the left, and empty room on the right to obtain an ancient bronze token
- Rotate 4 more times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the pile of rocks on the left, vending machine on the right to obtain an ancient bomb in exchange for the token
- Rotate 3 more times (with any combination of ratchets or wheels) to get the empty room on the left, and pile of rocks on the right to open the burial chamber
- An epic final battle with Ed the Undying awaits you in the burial chamber. Undying isn't just a fancy title -- Ed will take seven adventures of fighting to put down for good. If you get beaten up or run away, you'll have to fight him from the beginning again. When entering the burial chamber with less than seven adventures, you get the message:
- "Something tells you the last bit of this is going to take a long time. Come back when you've got more Adventures to spare."
- Once you finally beat him, you can take the Holy MacGuffin and return to the council for your reward.
Rewards
- A handful of confetti. Yay.
- In your Quest Log under completed quests you will see: "You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over to the Council, and enjoyed a ticker-tape parade in your honor. That quest was so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny, and now it's over! Hooray!"
Text
Council Text
On initial visit:
- Ah, <name>, excellent timing. We've just received a message from the Distant Lands -- it seems that your father, the renowned archaeologist, has gone missing. Apparently, his life's work was to track down an ancient relic known only as the Holy MacGuffin. He left behind his diary, with instructions that it was to be delivered to you, but he didn't leave any funds to pay for shipping. So, you'll have to go pick it up yourself.
- You can travel there from the Travel Agency at The Shore, but there's a slight hitch -- the area you're going to requires a passport for entry, and our passport offices are temporarily closed due to a tiny photograph shortage. You'll need to acquire some forged identification documents from the Black Market instead, but we're not entirely sure where the Black Market actually is. It's probably near the Black Forest, though, and we'll mark that on your map for you.
- Once you've retrieved your father's diary, we request that you use his notes to track down the Holy MacGuffin for us, as an item of such power will obviously be of great help to us in our fight against the Naughty Sorceress and the other evils that plague our land. Good luck!
On subsequent visits:
- Any luck getting your father's diary and recovering the Holy MacGuffin? It's a pretty important whatchamacallit, so we'd apprecate it if you'd get on that right away.
Upon Completion:
- "Wow! You actually brought back the Holy MacGuffin, <name>? That's pretty darn impressive -- well done! Now we can pack it in an unlabelled wooden crate and stash it in a secret warehouse full of similar crates somewhere where it's likely that no one will ever see it again. Thanks for your help!"
- "That's it?" you ask. "That's pretty anti-climactic."
- "Yeah, you're probably right. You like parades? We could throw a parade."
- "Sure."
- And one quick (though enjoyable) tickertape parade later, you're standing back in front of the Council Hall, picking bits of confetti out of your hair and wondering what you should do next.
![]() | You acquire an item: handful of confetti |
Quest Log
Initial text: <name> and the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin
- The Council has instructed you to collect your father's archaeology notes from Distant Lands, and use them to hunt down the Holy MacGuffin. Your first step is to find the Black Market, to get some forged ID.
After finding the Black Market:
- You've found the Black Market... now to hit the Travel Agency and get yourself on a slow boat to China. I mean, Distant Lands.
After obtaining your father's Holy MacGuffin diary:
- You've picked up your father's diary, and things just got a whole lot more complicated. Oh dear.
After reading your father's Holy MacGuffin Diary:
- Gotta Worship Them All
- You father seemed to think the hidden temple in the Distant Woods might be guarding part of the Staff of Ed. I hope you've got your lucky fedora with you.
- After passing the first test:
- You've cunningly evaded one of the Hidden Temple's traps. But what else lies in store? cue ominous music
- After passing the second test:
- Having proved that you ain't no hollaback girl, there's just one more trap to go. Pity dad never got around to translating that last passage...
- After opening the Hidden City:
- Awesome, you've evaded all of the temple's traps! Of course, it turned out that getting the piece of the Staff of Ed isn't going to be nearly that easy, but you were probably expecting that anyway. If you weren't, well, sorry.
- After completing defeating the Protector Spectre (subquest complete):
- You've defeated the ancient ghost of an ancient mummy of an ancient high priest and claimed his ancient amulet! Go you!
After reading your father's Holy MacGuffin Diary:
- Never Odd Or Even
- If you're going to get the Staff of Fats, it looks like the first step is to get into the Palindome. Maybe it has something to do with that amulet your father mentioned in his diary?
- After opening the Palindome:
- Congratulations, you've discovered the fabulous Palindome, rumored to be the final resting place of the legendary Staff of Fats! Now all you have to do is find it...
- After encountering Dr. Awkward:
- Well, you found the Staff of Fats, but then you lost it again. Good going. Looks like you're going to have to track down this Mr. Alarm guy for help...
- After talking to Mr. Alarm:
- Mr. Alan Alarm has agreed to help you nullify Dr. Awkward's ineptitude field (patent pending), but wants some wet stew in return. Those ingredients again: lion oil, a bird rib, and some stunt nuts. Sounds delicious!
- After returning with the wet stunt nut stew:
- Oh yeah, you've got the Mega Gem, and are ready to deliver some pain to Dr. Awkward. They call you the bus driver, because you're gonna beat the hell out of that guy.
- After defeating Dr. Awkward (subquest complete):
- Congratulations, you've recovered the long-lost Staff of Fats!
- Nice Work!
After reading your father's Holy MacGuffin Diary:
- In a Manor of Spooking
- Your father's notes indicate that the gem from the Staff of Ed is probably hidden in a Seaside Town mansion. At a guess, you figure Spookyraven Manor is probably your best bet.
- After unlocking the basement:
- You've unlocked the wine cellar in Spookyraven Manor. What are the chances there's a secret door hidden somewhere? Yeah, probably about one in one.
- After opening the summoning chamber:
- You've found Lord Spookyraven's secret black magic laboratory. When you're done with him, he'll be doing black and blue magic.
- After defeating Lord Spookyraven (subquest complete):
- You've defeated Lord Spookyraven and claimed the Eye of Ed! Huzzah!
After reading your father's Holy MacGuffin Diary:
- A Pyramid Scheme
- Your father's diary indicates that the key to finding the Holy MacGuffin is hidden somewhere in the desert. I hope you've got your walking shoes on.
- After finding An Oasis:
- You've managed to stumble upon a hidden oasis out in the desert. That should help make your desert explorations a little less... dry.
- After meeting Gnasir:
- The fremegn leader Gnasir has tasked you with finding a stone rose, at his abandoned encampment near the oasis. Apparently it's an ancient symbol of his tribe or something, I dunno, whatever. He's not gonna help you unless you get it for him, though.
- After returning with the stone rose:
- Gnasir has asked you to prove your honor and dedication to the tribe by painting his front door black. A menial task to be sure, but at least it's not dangerous.
- Well, unless you're really allergic to paint fumes or something.
- After painting Gnasir's door:
- Gnasir seemed satisfied with the tasks you performed for his tribe, and has asked you to come back later.
- ...
- Okay, that's probably long enough.
- After talking to Gnasir again:
- For your worm-riding training, you need to find a 'thumper', something that produces a rhythmic vibration to summon sandworms.
- It's unlikely that we're talking about bunny rabbits here.
- After finding a drum kit and returning to Gnasir:
- You need to find fifteen missing pages from Gnasir's worm-riding manual. Have fun!
- After finding the first manual page:
- One worm-riding manual page down, fourteen to go.
- After finding the second manual page:
- Two worm-riding manual pages down, thirteen to go. Sigh.
- After returning to Gnasir with all 15 pages:
- You've earned your hooks and are ready to ride the worm. Literally, not in the South-of-the-Border sense.
- After riding a worm to the pyramid:
- One excitingly-described worm-ride later, you've found the little pyramid with the map of Seaside Town inside. Looks like you're going to need the Staff of Ed to get the location of the Holy MacGuffin's hiding place.
- After opening the pyramid with the Staff of Ed:
- You've found the hidden buried pyramid that guards the Holy MacGuffin. You're so close you can almost taste it! (In a figurative sense, I mean -- I don't recommend you go around licking things you find in ancient tombs.)
- After beating Ed the Undying and recovering the Holy MacGuffin:
- The mighty Ed the Undying has fallen! You recovered the Holy MacGuffin! Jolly good show, mate!
Completion text:
- <name> and the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin
- You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over to the Council, and enjoyed a ticker-tape parade in your honor. That quest was so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny, and now it's over! Hooray!
Notes
- This quest becomes available from The Council of Loathing when you become level 11.
References
- "MacGuffin" is a term popularized by Alfred Hitchcock; a MacGuffin is a plot device which is an object that motivates characters but is itself unimportant to the story.
- The name of this quest is a reference to the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail (sometimes called Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail), which is based upon "The Death of Arthur," more commonly known as part of the Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table legends. The fact that your father is looking for it refers to the film Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, in which Indiana Jones's father was searching for the Holy Grail.
- The name of the quest may also be a reference to a story arc of the webcomic Goats in which some of the characters steal an artifact called "The Holy MacGuffin" from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. After their theft, they mention trying to sell it on the black market -- a Kingdom of Loathing location which has a prominent role in this quest. The story arc in question starts here.
- The way you reveal the staircase by focusing sunlight through an amulet references Raiders of the Lost Ark, where Indiana Jones also focuses light through an amulet to find the location of the Ark. The Council's remarks about placing the MacGuffin in an unlabeled wooden crate in a secret warehouse somewhere is a reference to the ending of the same movie.
- The name of the first part ("Gotta Worship 'Em All!") is a reference to the Pokémon catchphrase "Gotta Catch 'Em All!" Additionally, Pokémon names like Pikachu, Squirtle, Charmander and Bulbasaur are parodied by Pikachutlotal, Squirtlcthulli, Charcoatl and Bulbazinalli respectively.
- The second part (Spookyraven Manor)has a reference to the game "Eternal Darkness". The glyphs found on the cellars walls are on the edges of a triangle of power and the description quotes "Your eyes are drawn to a pattern of odd glyphs, writ large, green, and luminescent on the cellar wall." The luminescent green light references to Xel'lotath. (Similar glyphs are a popular occurrence in Eternal Darkness)
- The stones, the necessity to put them into recesses on altars, the coloured light they emit, the choice of colours, and the triangular stones you obtain as a result may all be a reference to The Fifth Element
- The name of the third quest (Never Odd Or Even) is a Palindrome and might be a reference to the Weird Al Yancovic song "Bob".
- In the fourth part ("A Pyramid Scheme"), the riding sandworms with hooks comes from a Frank Herbert novel Dune.
- In the real world, a Pyramid Scheme is a get-rich-quick scheme that doesn't work, so called because one person scams two, who, in turn, and to make up for their losses, scam four, who scam eight, etc.
- The Quest Log entry "It's unlikely that we're talking about bunny rabbits here" when you need a drum machine is a reference to Thumper the rabbit from the Disney movie Bambi.
- The Quest Log entry about rabbits that is mentioned above could also be a reference to the Energizer Bunny.
- The Quest Log entry "They call you the bus driver, because you're gonna beat the hell out of that guy." is a parody of a common boastful saying, "You can call me the bus driver, because I just took you to school."
- The final Quest Log entry "That quest was so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny, and now it's over! Hooray!" refers to the fact that this is the Level 11 quest.
- The Council text about a "slow boat to China" is a nod to a Frank Loesser tune, "(I'd Like to Get You on a) Slow Boat to China", which is also mentioned in the first verse of the "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego" theme song by Rockapella.