There are 12 creatures filed under J.
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40
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jailbait orquette
- The jailbait orquette's favorite booze is peppermint mouthwash, because that's all she can steal from her parents.
- The jailbait orquette's favorite lip gloss flavor is chunky monkey.
- The jailbait orquette's favorite item of clothing is her neon-pink ripped-up fishnet stockings.
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45
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80
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400
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jamfish
- One jamfish aimlessly circled the same coral outcropping for six straight hours. Fans of jamfish trade bootlegs of that video to this day.
- The difference between jam and jelly is that jam is made with every edible part of the fruit, while jelly is made from just fruit juice.
- The difference between peanut butter and jam is that . . . never mind, it's a family game.
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360
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750
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140
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Jefferson pilot
- Jefferson Airline pilots use psychedelic drugs to keep themselves alert and to make their flights more interesting for all involved.
- Jefferson Airline pilots want somebody to love, and need somebody to love, but their constant travel and long working hours make that difficult.
- Jefferson Airline pilots have an annual White Rabbit Chase at their yearly convention.
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140
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145
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115
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Jocko Homo
- Jocko Homo has heard all the jokes, and doesn't need any lip from you.
- The species of latently-gay sports enthusiast you encounter in high school is Jockus Homus, not Jocko Homo.
- "Jock Humus" is the stuff that accumulates in a football player's. . . never mind.
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103
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150
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1250
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Johnringo, the Netdragger
- The dragnet is considered a more noble weapon than the switchblade by the gladiatorial community.
- Gladiators have a pretty high turnover rate. Not, like, "amusement park janitor" high, but high.
- In the hand-signal game based on Mer-kin gladiator battles, the dragnet beats the dodgeball but loses to the switchblade.
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1200
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1500
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45
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judgmental eye
- Judgmental eyes live in constant fear of cataracts.
- This is because they don't want to accidentally go over one in a barrel.
- Judgmental eyes cannot swim, they can only float.
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35
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40
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50
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jungle baboon
- Jungle baboons were, evolutionarily speaking, more successful than desert baboons, because it's hard to live in the trees where there aren't any.
- Baboons are Old World monkeys, not like those youngster monkeys with their roller skates and their listening to the hippity-hoppity music.
- Baboons have been known to raise lost human foundlings as one of their tribe; weirdly enough, male children raised this way never grow a beard or body hair.
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54
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50
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90
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jungle scabie
- Jungle scabies are most commonly contracted by participating in "cuddle puddles" at raves.
- The symptoms of jungle scabies are itching, burning, and attempting to hum along to music that mainly consists of "oontz oontz oontz oontz".
- Jungle scabies can be easily removed with the application of special shampoo, or by playing a lot of ambient trance music.
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81
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100
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159
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Junk
- According to legend, the Junk was a mortal ship named "The Peter O'Toole," which was given a memorial in the stars after it sank into a trench.
- Some astronomers insist on referring to the junk as "Smiling Triangle-Eye Face," omitting the lines that link the sails to the ship.
- In older astronomy books, the Junk is part of a larger constellation called the Batch.
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143
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150
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32
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junksprite bender
- Junksprite benders have a sharper wit than junksprite sharpeners, and junksprite sharpeners go on longer benders than junksprite benders. It's a weird society.
- Every junksprite is free to pursue his or her interests in a consequence-free environment, so long as those interests involve turning junk into different junk--er, I mean, "upcycling."
- Junksprite benders like to turn lengths of pipe into elaborate, impractical bicycles. Then they paint them bright colors and fill a bathtub with them. And they don't feel they need to explain their art to you, Warren.
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33
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25
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37
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junksprite melter
- Like hippies, junksprite melters are a little loopy from the fumes they've inhaled over the years. Unlike hippies, the junksprite's fumes come from melting metal, not herbs.
- Junksprite melters know the precise temperature at which every common junk metal melts. No use heating the forge for pig iron if you're only melting aluminum, I always say.
- Junksprite melters listen to a genre of music called "liquid metal," which is like heavy metal, but with hotter guitar solos.
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32
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21
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37
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junksprite sharpener
- Junksprite sharpeners can sharpen just about anything, except their own wits. BURN!
- In their off-time, sharpeners whittle razor blades out of soap, after whittling razor blades out of tin cans.
- A junksprite sharpener can sharpen a knife so sharp that it can split hairs, but not so sharp it can pick nits.
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30
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22
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50
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juvenile delinquent orquette
- The most popular tattoo for juvenile delinquent orquettes is a butterfly with tribal designs on its wings and ORC LIFE underneath it.
- Contrary to her protestations, the orquettes' dad is a moderate-to-slightly-conservative libertarian, not a total fascist.
- The orquette still sleeps with her fuzzy purple teddy bear, but she'll cut you wtih[sic] her switchblade if you mention it.
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45
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100
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References
- The junksprite bender not explaining his art to Warren is a quote from the film Empire Records.
