Legendary Epic Weapon Quest

Description

The Legendary Epic Weapon Quest allows you to acquire the Legendary Epic Weapon of your class. This quest is given to you when your base mainstat reaches 12 by the character at the Guild Hall who is the same class as you:

• Terri, the Turtle Tamer if you are a Turtle Tamer
• Grignr, the Seal Clubber if you are a Seal Clubber
• Edam, the Sauceror if you are a Sauceror
• Asiago, the Pastamancer if you are a Pastamancer
• Stradella, the Accordion Thief if you are an Accordion Thief
• Duncan Drisorderly, the Disco Bandit if you are a Disco Bandit

Tasks

• Create your character class' Epic Weapon by first meatsmithing a big rock with an ingredient traded from the hermit, and then meatsmithing the result with your character class' starting item.
• Talk again to the guild member who gave you the quest, and he or she will ask you to obtain another ingredient by defeating The Clownlord Beelzebozo in the "Fun" House.
• Adventure in the "Fun" House until you collect clown-related equipment (such as, but not limited to, the Terrifying Clown Suit). You will need a Clownosity rating of four or more.
• Now equip your clown items and adventure until you encounter Adventurer, $1.99. Choose 'Push the nose', then 'Open the door' and fight The Clownlord Beelzebozo.
• Use the final item dropped by Beelzebozo to meatsmith your Legendary Epic Weapon and return to your guild.

Class	Hermit Item	Template:Click			Starting Item		Epic Weapon		Beelzebozo Reward		Legendary Epic Weapon
Template:Click	seal tooth		seal-toothed rock		seal-clubbing club		Bjorn's Hammer		distilled seal blood		Hammer of Smiting
Template:Click	chisel		stone turtle		turtle totem		Mace of the Tortoise		turtle chain		Chelonian Morningstar
Template:Click	petrified noodles		spaghetti with rock-balls		pasta spoon		Pasta of Peril(?)		high-octane olive oil		Greek Pasta of Peril(?)
Template:Click	jabañero pepper		heavy hot sauce		saucepan		5-Alarm Saucepan		Peppercorns of Power		17-alarm Saucepan
Template:Click	banjo strings		stone banjo		disco ball		Disco Banjo		vial of mojo		Shagadelic Disco Banjo
Template:Click	hot buttered roll		heart of rock and roll		stolen accordion		Rock and Roll Legend		golden reeds		Squeezebox of the Ages

• When your mainstat reaches 25, visit the The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave.
  • Open the first door by:
    • As a muscle class: inserting a viking helmet.
    • As a mysticality class: inserting a stalk of asparagus.
    • As a moxie class: inserting some dirty hobo gloves.
  • Open the second door by:
    • As a muscle class: inserting a insanely spicy bean burrito.
    • As a mysticality class: inserting a insanely spicy enchanted bean burrito.
    • As a moxie class: inserting a insanely spicy jumping bean burrito.
  • Open the third door by:
    • As a Seal Clubber: inserting a clown whip
    • As a Turtle Tamer: inserting a clownskin buckler
    • As a Sauceror: inserting a tomato juice of powerful power
    • As a Pastamancer: inserting some boring spaghetti
    • As a Disco Bandit: inserting a fruity girl drink.
    • As a Accordion Thief: Buffing yourself with the Polka of Plenty.
  • Open the final door by collecting the 8 paper strips from A Large Chamber, and reordering them to spell the password for the A Big Door. Please note that vertical tears aren't actually borders, but should connect to each other.
  • Enter the Inner Sanctum to defeat your nemesis and collect your class's Epic Hat.
• Unfortunately, the part of the quest where you actually chase your nemesis is still being worked on. Rest assured, you will be notified when it is up and running.

Text

Seal Clubber and Turtle Tamer

• Initial visit:

"<name>! I have grave news! An incredibly dangerous artifact, guarded by our guild for generations, has been stolen by your Nemesis! You must recover it from him before he discovers how to use it, or great catastrophe will surely ensue!"

"Wait, what? Since when do I have a Nemesis?" you ask.

"Well, we took a vote, and you weren't here, so he's your Nemesis. You should come to meetings more often. Anyway, this is not the time for such argument. Your Nemesis is rumored to lair within the Big Mountains, but I fear you have not the required mettle to defeat him. You must recover and master the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Seal Clubber/Turtle Tamer] before you have any hope of victory. It will be a long and arduous task -- are you prepared?"

"No."

"Too bad. The first step will be to smith for yourself an Epic Weapon. You must seek out the two oldest and wisest men in the kingdom -- one will provide you with the first part of the weapon, and also, if you approach him on the correct day, the good fortune necessary to win the second part from the other, who runs the casino. One of his myriad games of chance will provide what you seek, with luck. The third part of the Epic Weapon is up to you to locate.

"The town's meatsmith will provide you with the knowledge required to construct the Epic Weapon; I will grant you the Meat necessary to purchase the proper tool. Once you have completed the weapon, return to me."

You gain 1,000 Meat.

• Subsequent visits:

"Have you not completed your Epic Weapon yet? There is no time to waste, <name>!"

• After smithing the Epic Weapon:

"Ah, you have completed your Epic Weapon! Well done, <name>! Your next task will be to unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon. To do this, you must travel to the Nearby Plains, to that place of horrors known only as The "Fun" House, and slay the Clownlord Beelzebozo. Only he possesses the materials you will need to complete your weapon. Return to me after you have done this. Remember, time is of the essence!"

• Subsequent visits:

"How goes your quest to restore the Legendary Epic Weapon, <name>? Remember, you must retreive the stolen artifact soon -- the fate of the world is at stake!"

• After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon:

"You've recovered the Legendary Epic Weapon! Well done, <name>! Now all that remains is to defeat your Nemesis and recover our artifact. Unfortunately, it seems that the fiend has hidden himself/herself well. I have some people searching for him/her now; return in a little while, and I should be able to give you his/her location."

• Upon returning:

"You're back! Good, not a moment too soon. We've finally managed to pinpoint the location of your Nemesis' hideout -- it's a cave in the Big Mountains. Here, I'll mark it on your map. We need the stolen artifact back as soon as possible, but be careful -- the place is undoubtedly filled with guards and traps."

• Subsequent visits:

"Have you defeated your Nemesis yet? No? ...Have I mentioned how vitally important it is that you do so and reclaim our stolen artifact? I'm pretty sure I mentioned that."

• After defeating your Nemesis:

"Nice hat. Did you get the artifact back from your Nemesis?"

"What?" you ask. "I kind of assumed this hat was it."

"No. You mean you defeated your Nemesis, and that was all you found?"

"Well, she did sort of escape afterwards."

"Terrific," he sighs. "she must have hidden it somewhere else. Probably has a secret tropical island volcano lair or something. All right, I'll get our guys on trying to find out where she's hiding. When they find something, I'll let you know. "

Disco Bandit and Accordion Thief

• Initial visit:

"Oh, hey, <name>, just in time. Listen, something major's just gone down, and we've got a real important job for you. Here's the skinny: The Department's in charge of hiding this artifact, see? This crazy dangerous thing that we've been keeping under wraps for hundreds of years. Well, damned if someone hasn't managed to steal it from us, and it turns out it's your Nemesis that did it, and we need you to get it back before the whole world goes ker-flooey. And this is serious, I'm not just jerkin' your chain here."

"Woah, hang on," you say. "Since when do I have a Nemesis?"

"Everyone else called 'not it'. Sorry pal, them's the breaks. Problem is, though, you're not nearly moxious enough to beat him yet. You're gonna need to get the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Disco Bandit/Accordion Thief]] first, and frankly, that's gonna take some doing. So, here's the plan: first, you need to make yourself an Epic Weapon. There's three parts you'll need to find, and you'll have to meatsmith them together yourself -- the meatsmith in Market Square can sell you the gear for that, and I'll pitch in for the cost.

"The first two parts, you can get from these two old guys -- people say they're the two oldest and wisest guys in the kingdom, but I dunno... well, one of 'em owns the casino, so I guess that's pretty wise. The part you need is a prize in one of his games, but I can't tell ya which one, and you'll need to be lucky to win. Real lucky. Now the other guy, if you get him on the right day, he'll be able to help you out with that, and he has the second part you need, too."

"And the third part?"

"You're on your own there, buddy. Sorry. When you get the Epic Weapon built, though, come back here and I'll fill you in on the rest of the plan."

You gain 1,000 Meat.

• Subsequent visits:

"Hey, what's with the delay on that Epic Weapon? Quit slacking, slacker. This is important!"

• After smithing the Epic Weapon:

"You've got the Epic Weapon? Nice one!

Okay, here's the next bit, but I'll warn ya, this isn't gonna be a walk in the park. See, you need one more thing to turn that weapon into the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Disco Bandit/Accordion Thief], and to get it, you're gonna have to infiltrate The "Fun" House in the Nearby Plains and fight the Clownlord Beelzebozo, and lemme tell ya buddy, he's a real piece of work. But anyway, if you manage to complete the Legendary Epic Weapon, come back and let me know post-haste."

• Subsequent visits:

"Hey, <name>. How's it going with that Legendary Epic Weapon? 'Cause, y'know, no pressure or anything, but it's pretty important that we get that artifact back on the double."

• After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon:

"Hey, you got it! Nice! Now you're ready to bring the smackdown on that Nemesis of yours. I just got a report from our scouts on where he's holed up. There's a cave in the Big Mountains... here, I'll just mark it on your map. Now listen, make sure to keep your eyes peeled, right, because the place is bound to be filled with guards and booby-traps. So be careful, but be quick. We need you in and out and back with that artifact, like yesterday. Comprende?

• Subsequent visits:

"Haven't beat your Nemesis yet, eh? Look bud, I don't mean to get on your case, but we really don't have a lot of time to be messing around, you know?"

• After defeating your Nemesis:

"Hey, <name>. You finally take care of that Nemesis problem?"

"Yep. Got this hat," you reply.

"Yeah, great. Great hat. What I'm actually interested in, though, is that artifact? The one your Nemesis stole and I asked you to get it back?"

"So it's not the hat, then?"

"Fantastic. All right, I'll get our spies onto finding out where he hid the artifact. Probably some secret tropical island volcano lair or something. I'll call you when we've got a lead."

Pastamancer and Sauceror

• Initial visit:

"Ah, <name>! It is good that you are here, for a dire situation is at hand -- evil is afoot!"

"Well, which is it?" you ask. "A hand, or a foot?"

"Yes yes, very witty. Don't interrupt, this is important. Our guild has been tasked with the safekeeping of an ancient artifact of terrible power. We have protected it for hundreds of years, but now the unthinkable has happened, and it has been stolen right from under our nose!"

"From under your nose? I guess you should have kept a closer eye on it. Get it? Nose, eye, hand..."

"Shut up. It is vital that you take this seriously, for the thief is none other than your Nemesis!"

"...I have a Nemesis?"

"You do now. See what happens when you spend all of your time cracking jokes? Unfortunately, you do not possess the power needed to defeat him at this time. It will be necessary for you to reconstruct the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Sauceror/Pastamancer], and the first step is to smith an Epic Weapon for yourself. Visit the meatsmith in Market Square for training in the art of smithery; I will provide you with the Meat necessary to acquire the proper tools. Once you have done that, you must find the two oldest and wisest men in the kingdom. One will be able to provide you with the first part of the weapon and, on certain days, a charm necessary to win the second part from the other, who owns the casino. It is a prize in one of his games of chance, but I cannot tell you which one. The third part of the Epic Weapon... well, you must find that for yourself.

"Once you have smithed the Epic Weapon, return to me for further instructions."

You gain 1,000 Meat.

• Subsequent visits:

"I note that you have not yet completed your Epic Weapon. Do not dawdle in this task, <name>, for time is of the essence."

• After smithing the Epic Weapon:

"I see you have smithed your Epic Weapon. Good, good.

However, the next step will be much more diffcult. Once you're ready, proceed to The "Fun" House in the Nearby Plains and seek out The Clownlord Beelzebozo, the Clown Prince of Darkness. You must destroy him to acquire the final piece of the Legendary Epic Weapon. Once it is completed, return to me. Make haste, <name>!"

• Subsequent visits:

"I don't wish to cause undue stress, <name>, but it is important that you acquire the Legendary Epic Weapon soon. The artifact your Nemesis stole from us must be retreived, or the results could be disastrous."

• After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon:

"Ah, I see you have completed the Legendary Epic Weapon. Nicely done. As soon as we have located your Nemesis's lair, you'll be ready to retrieve the stolen artifact. Come back in a while, and I should be able to provide that information."

• Upon returning:

"Ah, you've returned, excellent. I've just received word of where your Nemesis' lair is located -- a cave hidden in the Big Mountains. I'll note its location on your map for you. Use your utmost caution, for it is certain that traps and guards will abound. However, time is of the essence -- we need that artifact back before the unspeakable happens!"

• Subsequent visits:

"Please make haste, <name>. We need you to defeat your Nemesis and retrieve that artifact as quickly as possible."

• After defeating your Nemesis:

"Greetings, <name>. You have retrieved the artifact from your Nemesis, I hope?"

"Yeah," you reply. "he had this hat."

"That is not the artifact we're looking for. Is that all he had? This is most unfortunate. he must have a secret tropical island volcano lair or something similar, on which he's hidden the artifact. I will put our divination specialists to the task of locating it -- when I will have more information for you, you will be contacted."