Serenity (KWE)

	Name:	Serenity (KWE)
	Age:	Medieval
	Gender:	Lassy
	Height:	Quite a bit
	Weight:	Grasshopperesque
	Alignment:	Chaotic
	Hair Color:	Black. Black Number One.
	Eye Color:	Coffee, two creams, no sugar.
	Record:	# / #

Serenity is a curious creature shrouded both in mystery and a black leather trenchcoat. Since her arrival in The Kingdom, she has divided her time between wrestling and trying to win over converts to her strange cult.

Serenity believes that the reality we call The Kingdom is not reality at all -- that, in fact, it is a series of ones and zeroes all tied together in a vast, irregularly shaped web. She claims her mastery of this "asymmetric net" allows her to perform bizarre, superhuman feats. The only thing the net hasn't taught her is how to shoot a weapon -- though she fires thousands of shots with her automatic crossbows, she inevitably does more property damage than anything. Still, her abilities to speed up, slow down, and stop time make her a worthy adversary.

Notes

• Serenity is one of John Wilke's KWE wrestlers.
• This wrestler is represented by a trading card.

Fight Messages

• Entrance:

...weighing in at 1.25 gigabytes and hailing from the farthest outpost of the Asymmetric Net, it's the (let's face it, pretty freaky) SERENITY!

• The crowd cheers as Serenity prepares to use her special attack, "Grasshopper Hover!"

• Serenity leaps into the air and assumes a pose that makes her look like a constipated grasshopper. Time stops and the universe rotates around her as she flies toward <opponent> and kicks him/her in the <bung>! URKKK!
• Serenity leaps into the air and assumes a pose that makes her look like a constipated grasshopper. She flies toward <opponent> in slow motion, but he has plenty of time to react and steps aside.

• The crowd cheers as Serenity prepares to use her special attack, "Heavy Artillery!"

• Serenity pulls out two huge automatic crossbows and fires about 300,000 rounds in slow motion at <opponent>! One bolt grazes <opponent>'s cheek and gives him/her a serious owie. URKKK!
• Serenity pulls out two huge automatic crossbows and fires about 300,000 rounds in slow motion at <opponent>! Oddly enough, none of the bolts come anywhere near her target, though she does destroy most of the arena.

• Serenity freezes in midair and kicks <opponent> in the chin! Woah, she knows kung fu!
• Quote:

...yells, "It's time for you to wake up to the world that has been pulled over your eyes, copper-top!"

Gift Responses

• Weapon:

So this guy came up to me yesterday and said, "Why, Serenity? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting?" And I told him it was my duty to wake people from the asymmetric net. This weapon should help me in my fight. Thanks, copper-top.

• Armor:

Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that armor keeps me from getting hurt.

• Feast:

This 'food' is sure to convince my mind that I am well-nourished and ready to fight. In the real world, though, it's probably going straight to my thighs.

• Food:

Wow, this is some pretty awful food. I suppose if you hold your nose, though, it tastes like runny eggs.

• Cocktail:

I know that I'm not really drinking this cocktail. I know the asymmetric net is telling me it's cold, sweet, and tasty. I know that drinking this will only give me the illusion of intoxication. But you know what I've decided? I don't care. I'll drink it and any more you've got.

• Cordial:

I was in a bar the other day, and I was speculating about how I know what a mixed drink tastes like. I mean, what if the architects of the asymmetric net got it wrong, and what I think a rum and coke tastes like is really what a peanut-butter sandwich tastes like? And they said I was crazy! Crazy? Dammit, I can levitate, I can freeze time, I can fire 3000 bolts out of my crossbow without reloading -- I think i'm onto something, don't you? Anyway, thanks.

• Booze:

You do realize -- or you would, if you would just wake up -- that what you have sent me is merely another part of the giant deception that is the asymmetric net. Do not attempt to drink the booze -- rather, learn to understand that there is no booze. Which I have done, and am now depressed enough about that to realize that fake booze is sometimes okay.

• Beer:

Perhaps in the real world, people do ferment hops and barley to produce carbonated alcoholic beverages. But listen -- you must know that what you have sent me is just a sequence of ones and zeroes in the asymmetric net! You have never in your life been 'drunk,' and neither have I. You have only been made to believe you are drunk. Though, I admit, sometimes that is enough.

• Spleen:

Do you believe, in this place, that your ability to win a match depends on your stats? You think that's muscle you're boosting? Wake up to the reality of your world, coppertop. However, since I am bound in the asymmetric net (though my mind is much more free than yours), this will probably aid my mind in increasing my skills. Thank you.

• Misc:

There is so much in this world that I do not understand. This machine you sent me could help me win the fight, but am I using the machine or is it using me? And if it is using me, will it at least call tomorrow morning?

References

• Serenity is a parody of Trinity from the Wachowski brothers' Matrix movies.
• Her hair color is a reference to the song Black #1 by Type "O" Negative.
• Her "Chaotic" Alignment is a reference to either Dungeons and Dragons, in which chaotic alignment indicates a general disregard for the laws and rules of society, or NetHack, in which Chaotic is basically synonymous with evil. Also, alignment being a vital statistic is by itself a reference to D&D, Nethack and things like them.
• The "asymmetric net" is a reference to "Asymmetric Publications", the official name for the group responsible for this mess, as well as Asymmetric.net, Jick's original website.
• "Grasshopperesque" refers to the TV show Kung Fu
• Serenity's special attack "Grasshopper Hover" is a reference to an early "bullet time" scene in the first Matrix movie, where Trinity deals with a policeman who's come after her by jumping, freezing in mid-air as the camera rotates around her, then kicking the policeman in the face.
• The gift weapon message is a reference to the ending of Matrix Revolutions, when Agent Smith says the same words to Neo.
• The gift armor message quotes a fragment of the speech that Morpheus gives to the Zion people in Matrix Reloaded.
• The gift food message is based on a quote from The Matrix describing the food on the Nebuchadnezzar.
• The gift cocktail message is a reference of what Cypher says to Agent Smith referring a juicy steak inside The Matrix.
• The gift cordial message is about the "philosophical hypothesis" of Mouse about the taste of "Tastee Wheat" in the lunch scene in The Matrix.
• The gift booze message refers the famous quote in The Matrix: "There is no spoon".
• The gift spleen message is a parody of the scene when Neo is fighting Morpheus in the training program "You think that's air you're breathing?"
• The gift unknown message takes reference from the conversation between Neo and Counsellor Harmann in Matrix Reloaded.
• Coppertop, one of Duracell's main brands of batteries, is a term that the character Switch uses when referring to humans connected to The Matrix.