Thorny Toad

	Name:	Thorny Toad
	Age:	Just a Sprat
	Gender:	Fella
	Height:	Fair-to-middlin'
	Weight:	Light as a feather, stiff as a board
	Alignment:	Nasty
	Hair Color:	Lime
	Eye Color:	Peat Moss
	Record:	# / #

Few life stories are stranger than that of Thorny Toad the frog-boy. His parents were field scientists studying in the deepest darkest heart of the jungle, where they were captured, killed, and eaten by a rival band of scientists. Forgotten and left to fend for himself, the baby boy was adopted by a family of psychedelic toads. From them he learned how to hop, catch flies, and secrete toxic chemicals through his skin.

Thorny Toad was captured and brought back to the Kingdom, where he worked as a freak in the "Fun" House before escaping and joining the Kingdom Wrestling Federation. His trainers taught him to wrestle and civilized him, and now he eats his flies with a knife and fork.

Toad is a fearsome foe in the ring because he still doesn't quite get the distinction between "defeat" and "disembowel." His neurotoxins are potent as well, but must be absorbed through the mouth to have any effect. Thus it is said of Thorny Toad that "if you don't lick him, you can lick him."

Notes

• Thorny Toad is one of John Wilke's KWE wrestlers.
• This wrestler is represented by a trading card.

Fight Messages

• Entrance

...weighing in at .04 short tons, wearing the brown turtle-skin loincloth, straight from the jungle to you, it's THORNY TOAD! Watch out for that tongue, ladies!

• The crowd cheers as Thorny Toad prepares to use his special attack, "Jungle Boogie!"

• Thorny Toad mesmerizes <opponent> with a tribal dance he learned in the very heart of the jungle. The very cockles of the heart of the jungle. WHACK!
• Thorny Toad begins a mesmerizing jungle dance, but <opponent> answers with a dance of his/her own! Thorny Toad staggers, dazed by dance-dance revulsion!

• The crowd cheers as Thorny Toad prepares to use his special attack, "Tongue Lashing!"

• Thorny Toad grabs <opponent>'s tongue and runs it across his arm. <opponent> starts babbling nonsense about zeppelins made out of lead and some communist guy named Floyd. WHACK!
• Thorny Toad tries to grab <opponent>'s tongue, but gets a bucket full of whoop-ass instead. Which is equivalent to at least three cans.

• Thorny Toad hops all over <opponent> while singing about his ragtime gal! WHACK! WHACK!
• Ropes:

...yells, "Thorny make bad for you! Croak croak!"

Gift Responses

• Weapon:

Thorny thank for weapon. Thorny use it to hit people in ring and win fight. Then Thorny get flies from nice people who take care of Thorny.

• Armor:

Thorny no like to wear clothes. But Thorny will wear this clothes to not make hurt in the fight. Not hurt Thorny. Other guy get hurt.

• Feast:

This look good food, but Thorny think it not better than flies. You got flies to go with that shake? Thorny make joke. Thorny hope food no make him slow in fight.

• Food:

Thorny sometimes eat people food, but Thorny really like flies. This look like it will taste like flies, though. Thank for food. Croak croak.

• Cocktail:

Thorny not like fancy girl drinks. Drinks should have only fire and sweet or foam, not fancy girl things. Thorny will drink drink, but must protest fancy girl things. Like Thorny's dad always tell him, "croak croak croak, croak."

• Cordial:

This taste like sweet and fire all together. Thorny would like many more of these. Make Thorny feel good. Only thing that feels better is when Thorny licks his arm. You want try lick Thorny's arm? You see pretty things.

• Booze:

Thorny think this smell like fire, but Thorny drink it anyway. Taste like fire too. Put fire inside Thorny. It hurts Thorny but Thorny like it. Thank for firey drink. Croak croak croak.

• Beer:

Thorny say thank for foamy drink. It taste like water from swamp where Thorny live. Thorny drink and feel good. Croak croak croak.

• Spleen:

Thorny get big and strong. Thorny like stat booster. Thorny say thank for stat booster. Like Thorny's dad say, "croak croak croak croak."

• Misc:

Thorny not sure what to do with this, but Thorny will ask nice people who take care of Thorny. Croak croak.

References

• The name is a reference to "horny toad," the colloquial name of the horned lizard.
• His weight is a reference to the Light as a feather, stiff as a board slumber party game.
• Thorny Toad being taught how to secrete toxic chemicals through his skin by his adopted family of frogs may be a parody of Blanka from Street Fighter II, who purportedly was "taught" his electric powers by electric eels while living in the Amazon.
• The character's background is also a parody of Mowgli from The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling, who is raised in the jungle by a pack of wolves.
• Thorny Toad's picture and speech patterns strongly resemble Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.
• His neurotoxins... must be absorbed through the mouth is a reference to the practice of Toad Licking.
• In the successful attack message for Thorny Toad's "Tongue Lashing" move, "zeppelins made out of lead" refers to the rock band Led Zeppelin, and "some Communist guy named Floyd" is probably a reference to Pink Floyd ("pinko" being a slang term for a Communist sympathizer). Also, this may refer to the movie "The Wall" (Pink Floyd's), in which the main character, oh-so-originally named Pink Floyd, turns into a communistic, racist shell of himself.
• "Thorny Toad hops all over <opponent> while singing about his ragtime gal" is a reference to Michigan J. Frog, a singing and dancing frog from the Looney Tunes short "One Froggy Evening", who was noted for singing such tunes as "Ragtime Gal".
• "dance-dance revulsion" refers to the game Dance Dance Revolution.
• Thorny Toad's weight of .04 short tons is equal to 80 pounds.
• Thorny's habit of talking in the third person, plus the fact that he was raised by wildlife, could be a reference to Gau from Final Fantasy VI.
• Thorny being a toad and talking in the third person could also be a reference to Quina from Final Fantasy IX.
• The phrase, "The cockles of the heart of the jungle," may be a reference to the Denis Leary song "Asshole" wherein he claims that the cockles are below the heart.