The Snake

	Name:	The Snake
	Age:	Past his prime.
	Gender:	Dude
	Height:	Stocky and Swarthy
	Weight:	Doughy
	Alignment:	Pleasant/Irritating
	Hair Color:	Midnight
	Eye Color:	Aquamarine
	Record:	# / #

The Snake was once a plumber of great renown, although no one ever saw him do any actual plumbing. He tended to spend most days wandering around eating mushrooms and breaking bricks with his head. Still, his reputation as the best plumber of his time remained unscathed.

Dissatisfied with a life of staring at blocked-up toilets, he went to the far east to study martial arts under a mysterious 6-armed guru. He came back with a red ninja suit in place of his red overalls, well-schooled in the art of sneaky fighting.

The Snake's alignment seems to shift from battle to battle. His ethical plumber ideals and ninja training fight for dominance, making him a shifty foe indeed. When he's not fighting, you can usually find him at the nearest bar betting people he can throw fireballs if he just eats the centerpiece on one of the tables.

Notes

• The Snake is one of John Wilke's KWE wrestlers.
• This wrestler is represented by a trading card.

Competition History

• Before tournament play began, his original record was 0/3.
• KWE Tournament IV: Lost to Inndya in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 0/4.
• KWE Tournament VI: Won the tournament: beat Princess Rutabaga in the Preliminaries, beat Serenity in the Semifinals, beat Roo in the Finals, bringing his record to 3/4.
• KWE Tournament VII: Lost to Nayztameetjoo in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 3/5.
• KWE Tournament X: Lost to Princess Rutabaga in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 3/6.
• KWE Tournament XIII: Won the tournament: beat Arrrmetia in the Preliminaries, beat Roo in the Semifinals, beat Chori Zo in the Finals, bringing his record to 6/6.
• KWE Tournament XIV: Beat Roo in the Preliminaries, lost to Inndya in the Semifinals, bringing his record to 7/7.
• KWE Tournament XVI: Beat Thorny Toad in the Preliminaries, beat Inndya in the Semifinals, lost to Kitty the Zmobie Basher in the Finals, bringing his record to 9/8.
• KWE Tournament XVII: Won the tournament: beat Roo in the Preliminaries, beat Serenity in the Semifinals, beat Arrrmetia in the Finals, bringing his record to 12/8.
• KWE Tournament XVIII: Beat Nayztameetjoo in the Preliminaries, lost to Chori Zo in the Semifinals, bringing his record to 13/9.
• KWE Tournament XIX: Lost to Morbidda in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 13/10.
• KWE Tournament XXI: Won the tournament: beat Arrrmetia in the Preliminaries, beat The Grand Poo-Bah in the Semifinals, beat Nayztameetjoo in the Finals, bringing his record to 16/10.
• KWE Tournament XXII: Lost to Thorny Toad in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 16/11.
• KWE Tournament XXIII: Beat Poison Oak in the Preliminaries, lost to Woldo in the Semifinals, bringing his record to 17/12.
• KWE Tournament XXV: Lost to Thorny Toad in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 17/13.
• KWE Tournament XXVIII: Lost to Das Überkühlraum in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 17/14.
• KWE Tournament XXIX: Lost to Nayztameetjoo in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 17/15.
• KWE Tournament XXX: Lost to Nayztameetjoo in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 17/16.
• KWE Tournament XXXII: Lost to Das Überkühlraum in the Preliminaries, bringing his record to 17/17.
• KWE Tournament XXXIV: Won the tournament: beat Serenity in the Preliminaries, beat Nayztameetjoo in the Semifinals, beat Thorny Toad in the Finals, bringing his record to 20/17.

Fight Messages

• The crowd cheers as The Snake prepares to use his special attack, "Get-a Over Here!"

• The Snake produces a plunger attached to a long chain! He sticks it to <opponent> forehead, pulling him/her close for an intense beatdown! BONK!

• The crowd cheers as The Snake prepares to use his special attack, "Wedgie Humility!"

• The Snake runs over to <opponent>, reaches out one black-gloved hand, and rips out <opponent>'s still-beating underpants! <opponent> blushes and loses the will to fight! BONK!

Gift Responses

• Weapon:

It's-a me, The Snake! This-a weapon isn't as powerful as my plunger, but it's-a sure to make a dent in my enemies! Thank-a you!

• Armor:

It's-a me, The Snake! I don't-a know if this will fit under my ninja-a suit, but I'll sure-a give it a try! Thank-a you!

• Feast:

It's-a me, The Snake! This is some good-a food! I hope it doesn't-a make me too fat to fight! Or at least to fat-a to disembowel my opponent!

• Food:

It's-a me, The Snake! This-a looks like some good-a food! Well, actually not-a so good! But it'll still hit-a the spot so I can hit-a my opponent's spots!

• Cocktail:

It's-a me, The Snake! Wow, this-a is the most fancy drink I've ever seen! This-a will surely inspire me to rip my opponents arms-a off and beat him to death with them-a! Thank-a you!

• Cordial:

It's-a me, The Snake! Hey-a, this-a drink looks pretty good! It's-a sure to give me the fire I need to bathe my opponent in unholy flame-a! Thank-a you for the gift!

• Booze:

It's-a me, The Snake! This-a is definitely what-a I needed tonight! I'll-a be sure to rip my opponent's still-a beating heart from his chest once I have a few of these! Thank-a you for the gift!

• Beer:

It's-a me, The Snake! Thank-a you for the tasty beer! This-a will make sure that I feel-a good tonight! I may not feel-a too good tomorrow morning, but thats-a okay. Thanks again!

• Spleen:

It's-a me, The Snake! Hey, its-a stat booster! This-a will make me sure to win-a the match! Then I can rip my opponents-a head from his spine and use it to go bowling!

• Misc:

It's-a me, The Snake! This is exactly what I've been looking-a for! Thank-a you!

References

• The Snake is a mixture of Nintendo's Mario & Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, with a bit of Konami's Solid Snake mixed in.
• The Snake's age, "Past his prime", refers to the fact that Nintendo has kept the Mario franchise going for well over 20 years. Or it may refer to Solid Snake, who in Metal Gear Solid is well past his prime.
• The mention of "betting people he can throw fireballs if he just eats the centerpiece on one of the tables" refers to Mario's ability to throw fireballs after collecting a fire flower (while ordinary flowers are commonly used as centerpieces on tables at restaurants and bars).
• The Snake's 6 armed guru could be a reference to the 4 armed warrior Goro from Mortal Kombat.
• A plumber's snake is a tool used to remove clogs from plumbing.
• The use of the sentence "It's-a me, The Snake!" is a clear parody of Mario's catch phrase from Super Mario 64, "It's-a me, Mario!"
• The Snake's response for cocktail, "rip my opponents arms-a off", refers to one of Jax's fatalities in Mortal Kombat II.
• The Snake's response for mixed drinks, "bathe my opponent in unholy flame", refers to Scorpion's main fatality (finishing attack) from the Mortal Kombat series.
• The Snake's response for basic booze, "rip my opponent's still-a beating heart from his chest", is the fatality used by Kano, another fighter from Mortal Kombat. The Snake's special attack "Wedgie Humility!" is also a play on this.
• The Snake's response for spleen, "rip my opponents-a head from his spine", is similar to Sub-Zero's fatality in Mortal Kombat (in which he rips his opponent's head and spine out).
• The Snake's special attack, "Get-a Over Here!", is a parody of Scorpion's signature special move, in which he uses a harpoon to spear his opponent's neck and reel him/her in (while yelling "Get over here!" or "Come 'ere!"), leaving him/her stunned and open for any combination of attacks.