Two-handed weapons

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Two-handed weapons require two hands, which means Off-hand Items and Double-Fisted Skull Smashing cannot be used at the same time. Despite the name, three-handed weapons are treated exactly like two-handed weapons.

Name	Power	Requirements	Notes
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	200	85 Muscle	All Attributes +11
fetus-smashing club	200	85 Muscle	This is a custom item given to Bashy.
Zim Merman's guitar	200	85 Moxie	Ranged Damage +20
beer-a-pult	190	80 Muscle	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage Technically a three-handed weapon, but only takes two to wield
cast-iron legacy paddle	190	80 Muscle	Muscle +15 Melee Damage +10
giant driftwood sculpture	190	80 Muscle	Moxie +8 Melee Damage +15
fire poi	190	80 Moxie	+15 Hot Damage Moxie +3
massive sitar	190	80 Moxie	Mysticality +12 Spell Damage +20
Bugfinder Blade	180	75 Muscle	All Attributes +7
didgeridooka	180	75 Moxie	Moxie +9
plexiglass pike pike	180	75 Muscle	Melee Damage +25 +10 PvP fight(s) per day Muscle +30% This is a Hardcore Oxygenarian reward for Seal Clubbers.
perforated battle paddle	175	72 Muscle	Melee Damage +10
Drowsy Sword	171	66 Muscle	Successful hit weakens opponent. Monster Level -10
denim axe	170	70 Muscle	Muscle +10 Melee Damage + 10
star crossbow	165	67 Moxie	Moxie +8
star staff	165	67 Muscle	Mysticality +8
star sword	165	67 Muscle	Muscle +8
arse-shooting crossbow	160	65 Moxie	All Attributes +15 This is a custom item given to Kucolan.
giant discarded plastic fork	155	62 Muscle	2x chance of Critical Hit Combat Initiative -10% Part of the Glad Bag Glad Rags outfit Technically a three-handed weapon, but only takes two to wield
automatic catapult	150	60 Moxie	-
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	150	60 Muscle	-
bugbear-smiting sword	150	60 Muscle	This is a custom item given to Spazworrier. Melee Damage +10 Muscle +10
drywall axe	150	60 Muscle	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
giant needle	150	60 Muscle	Monster Level +5
Radio Free Foil	150	60 Muscle	Part of the Radio Free Regalia outfit Has the Shiny Happy Weapon intrinsic
armed gun	140	55 Moxie	Melee Damage +10 2x Critical Hit Chance
ridiculously huge sword	140	55 Muscle	Melee Damage +12 Muscle +4 Technically a three-handed weapon, but takes only two to wield
carob cannon	135	45 Moxie	Moxie +7 +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped. +5 Stench Damage
hairy staff	135	45 Muscle	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per adventure
ram-battering staff	135	52 Muscle	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
Spirit Precipice	135	45 Muscle	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 5x chance of Critical Hit
hot cross bow	130	45 Moxie	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
lucky ball-and-chain	130	50 Moxie	-
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	130	45 Muscle	Muscle +7 +5 Adventures per day
ga-ga radio	125	47 Moxie	+1 Stat(s) Per Fight Melee Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
Grimacite glaive	125	47 Muscle	Melee Damage +15 Muscle boost based on moons a Raffle House prize
meatspout staff	125	45 Muscle	Mysticality +7 +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped. +15% Meat from Monsters
projectile icemaker	125	45 Moxie	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
shuddersword	125	45 Muscle	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	125	45 Muscle	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
asbestos sword	120	45 Muscle	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
buffalo blade	120	45 Muscle	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
chrome crossbow	120	45 Moxie	Moxie +7 +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
giant cheesestick	120	45 Muscle	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	120	45 Moxie	Melee Damage +11
linoleum staff	120	45 Muscle	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7
two-handed depthsword	120	45 Muscle	-
ram stick	115	42 Muscle	Moxie +5
asbestos crossbow	110	40 Moxie	Moxie +7 Muscle +5
chrome staff	110	40 Muscle	+7 Mysticality +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
linoleum sword	110	40 Muscle	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7
sack of doorknobs	110	40 Moxie	-
acoustic guitarrr	100	35 Moxie	+2% Meat from Monsters
asbestos staff	100	35 Muscle	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5
bounty-hunting rifle	100	25 Moxie	+15% Items from Monsters Part of the Bounty-Hunting Rig outfit
bow staff	100	35 Muscle	Mysticality +5 Melee Damage +3 Part of the Bow Tux outfit
chrome sword	100	35 Muscle	+7 Muscle +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
Crimbo sword	100	35 Muscle	Melee Damage +5 Part of the Crimbo Duds outfit
goulauncher	100	35 Moxie	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
linoleum crossbow	100	35 Moxie	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	100	35 Muscle	3x chance of Critical Hit 3x chance of Fumble Technically a three-handed weapon, but takes only two to wield
soylent staff	100	35 Muscle	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
icy-hot katana	90	30 Muscle	+3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit outfit
ninja mop	90	30 Muscle	Melee Damage +5
Shagadelic Disco Banjo	90	15 Moxie	Moxie +11 +10% Meat from Monsters +7 damage to Disco Bandit Combat Skills Disco Bandit's Legendary Epic Weapon
Squeezebox of the Ages	90	15 Moxie	Moxie +11 Ranged Damage +15 Accordion Thief's Legendary Epic Weapon Allows for the casting of 15-turn AT buffs
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	80	25 Muscle	Successful hit weakens opponent. Part of the Mining Gear outfit
bubble bauble bow	80	20 Moxie	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2 +5% Item Drops from Monsters
clockwork staff	80	25 Mysticality	Spell Damage +10 3x chance of Critical Hit Restores 3-24 MP on Critical Hit
clockwork sword	80	25 Muscle	Melee Damage +10 3x chance of Critical Hit Heals 3-24 HP on Critical Hit
Crimbo ukelele	80	20 Moxie	+10% Item Drops from Monsters
crowbarrr	80	25 Muscle	Combat Initiative +15%
flypaper staff	80	20 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
frozen nunchaku	80	25 Muscle	Melee Damage +3 +3 Cold Damage
rib of the Bonerdagon	80	25 Muscle	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15 Dropped by The Bonerdagon when The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device is set to 5
rusty grave robbing shovel	80	25 Muscle	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory crossbow	80	25 Moxie	Moxie +4
savory staff	80	25 Muscle	Mysticality +4
wholeberd	80	25 Muscle	Melee Damage +6
can cannon	75	22 Moxie	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3 Melee Damage +3
squeaky staff	75	22 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +6
wiffle-flail	75	22 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
25-meat staff	70	20 Muscle	-
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	70	20 Moxie	Moxie +5
Kentucky-fried meat staff	70	20 Muscle	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	70	20 Muscle	Muscle +5
Totally Gay Claymore	69	19 Muscle	A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
repeating crossbow	65	17 Moxie	Moxie +3 3x chance of Critical Hit
bubblewrap crossbow	60	15 Moxie	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
bubblewrap staff	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
cardboard crossbow	60	15 Moxie	Moxie +3 Melee Damage +3
cardboard staff	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3
dense meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	Moxie +3
dense meat staff	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	60	15 Muscle	Muscle +3
eXtreme meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	Moxie +7
eXtreme meat staff	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	60	15 Muscle	Muscle +7
glistening staff	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Technically a three-handed weapon, but takes only two to wield
Knob Goblin elite polearm	60	15 Muscle	Melee Damage +3 Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform
slightly peevedbow	60	15 Moxie	-
styrofoam crossbow	60	15 Moxie	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam staff	60	15 Muscle	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +3
wooden axe	60	15 Muscle	Muscle +3
poutine pole	55	12 Muscle	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
Disco Banjo	50	10 Moxie	Moxie +7 (Disco Bandits only) Disco Bandit's Epic Weapon
dripping meat crossbow	50	10 Moxie	Moxie +2
dripping meat staff	50	10 Muscle	Mysticality +2
Rock and Roll Legend	50	10 Moxie	Moxie +7 (Accordion Thieves only) Accordion Thief's Epic Weapon Allows for the casting of 10-turn AT buffs
worm-riding hooks	50	-	A quest item
Gnollish nunchaku	45	7 Muscle	Melee Damage +4
calavera concertina	40	5 Moxie	Moxie +3 Allows for the casting of 7-turn Accordion Thief buffs
pool cue	40	-	Moxie +3
rubber axe	40	5 Muscle	+2 Sleaze Damage
starchy staff	40	5 Muscle	Mysticality +3
spooky staff	35	2 Muscle	Mysticality +2 +2 Spooky Damage
grave robbing shovel	30	-	+3 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
spooky stick	30	-	+2 Spooky Damage
basic meat crossbow	20	5 Moxie	Moxie +1
basic meat staff	20	5 Muscle	Mysticality +1
basic meat sword	20	5 Muscle	Muscle +1
slingshot	20	-	-
stone banjo	25	-	Moxie +1
wooden stakes	25	-	Melee Damage +1
big stick	10	-	-
stolen accordion	10	-	Allows for the casting of 5-turn Accordion Thief buffs