Poison Oak

	Name:	Poison Oak
	Age:	Gettin' up there
	Gender:	XX-chromosome
	Height:	Yes
	Weight:	Lithe
	Alignment:	Unpleasant
	Hair Color:	Eggshell
	Eye Color:	Robin's Egg
	Record:	# / #

Poison Oak used to be a quiet librarian at a quiet library in a quite quaint, quiet town. But one night at a bar she encountered her destiny: The Soul Swizzle Stick. This tiny plastic artifact pulses with unnatural evil, possessing all who are unfortunate enough to drink from a glass in which it holds a maraschino cherry. Or sometimes an olive. Driven to seek the Soul Swizzle Stick, Poison Oak's mind became -- well -- poisoned, driving her to become the feared fighter she is today.

The hallmark of Poison Oak's ferocity, as well as her limited intellectual capacity, is her unique weapon. It is a sword which, by a flick of the wrist and the pressing of a secret switch, can be turned into a whip. It might be more effective were it to turn into, say, a sharper sword, or perhaps a crossbow. But since Poison Oak never uses it in sword-form as an actual sword, maybe it's for the best.

In the ring, Poison Oak is a danger to herself and others in equal proportions. She is equally as likely to slash herself with her whip as she is her opponent, but when she hits she hits hard. Outside of the ring, she drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, curses like a sailor, and eats buffalo wings like the natural predator of the flying buffalo.

Notes

• Poison Oak is one of John Wilke's KWE wrestlers.
• This wrestler is represented by a trading card.

Fight Messages

• Entrance:

...weighing in at ... well, she won't let us tell you how much she weighs, but that lovely lady in the fetching green bikini is none other than POISON OAK!

• The crowd cheers as Poison Oak prepares to use her special attack, "Stone in the Sword!"

• Poison Oak picks up a rock from outside of the ring and uses her sword to bat it at <opponent>. It hits him/her square in the temple, or synagogue, and sends him/her spinning. SWA-A-P!
• Poison Oak picks up a rock from outside of the ring and uses her sword to bat it at <opponent>. <opponent> catches it and throws it back at her, along with the suggestion that her sword would make a better sword than it does a baseball bat.

• The crowd cheers as Poison Oak prepares to use her special attack, "Luscious Lashes!"

• With a deft flick of her wrist, Poison Oak turns her sword into a whip and lashes out at <opponent>. <opponent> falls under the heavy lashing, thoroughly and utterly whipped! SWA-A-P!
• With a less-than-deft flick of her wrist, Poison Oak turns her sword into a whip. Unfortunately, the whip winds itself around her legs before she can detect it! It's too late to whip it good!

• Poison Oak kicks <opponent> in the <lower back> with her spiked-heel boots! SWA-A-P! <opponent> doubles over!
• Ropes:

...shouts, "Lick my boots and paint my house, worm!"

Gift Responses

• Weapon:

Disgusting worm, you have greatly pleased me by giving me this weapon! It is just what I need to win the match tonight. Tell me you want me to win. Get on your knees and tell me.

• Armor:

Filthy pile of excrement, I need no protection in battle! Ah, but how could a worm like you understand that. You tried, worm, you tried.

• Feast:

You have done well to present me with food worthy for one of my infinitely superior station, worm! Pray that it does not slow me down during the match tonight.

• Food:

Your paltry offerings of cheap foodstuffs do not please me, worm! Assume the position! All right, I shall let you go this time. Lick my boots to show how grateful you are!

• Cocktail:

You have displeased me with this disgustingly feminine drink, worm. You require punishment. But I am busy. I shall drink it, but you must clean the floor of my dressing room with your tongue! Do it now, worm!

• Cordial:

You please me, worm. In so much as a disgusting mound of flesh like yourself could please anyone, that is. You do well to send me this refreshing beverage. Now paint my house!

• Booze:

Ah, hard alcohol. So painful to drink, yet pleasurable in the stomach. I think a lot about pain and pleasure, don't you, worm? Tell me you do. Get down on your knees and tell me that you do.

• Beer:

Good, a little refreshment. I will take some time to relax before I crush my opponent. Make no mistake, my foes will wallow before me in the dust like the worms they are! You may lick my boots now.

• Spleen:

You have done well to send me this stat booster, worm. I was going to win the match anyway, but now I will destroy my opponent! You may grovel before me if it pleases you.

• Misc:

Yes, this will give me the edge I need to thoroughly punish my opponent! You have done well, worm. You may do my laundry now.

References

• Poison Oak is a parody of Poison Ivy, a villain from the Batman comics and movies.
• She's also a parody of Isabelle "Ivy" Valentine from the Soulcalibur series. Her weapon is a parody of Ivy's whip/sword, and her quest for the "Soul Swizzle Stick" is a reference to the Soul Edge weapon everyone is after in the fighting game.
• Poison Oak's fight message "Lick my boots and paint my house, worm!" could possibly be a reference to the movie Exit to Eden. In the movie, Rosie O'Donnell and Dan Aykroyd comedically explore BDSM as undercover detectives. In one scene, O'Donnell, dressed as a dominatrix; commands one of the island's "slaves" to "go paint my house."
• The failed message for Poison Oak's "Luscious Lashes" attack refers to the song "Whip It" by Devo: "Try to detect it, it's not too late / to whip it, whip it good".
• "Stone in the Sword" refers to the King Arthur adaptation of The Sword in the Stone.