Vaso De Agua

	Name:	Vaso De Agua
	Age:	??
	Gender:	Fella
	Height:	Pretty Tall
	Weight:	Svelte
	Alignment:	??
	Hair Color:	Copperish
	Eye Color:	Periwinkle
	Record:	# / #

No wrestler can match the mysterious and vainglorious Vaso de Agua for sheer arrogance. Cloaked in mystique and shrouded by the mask he wears, he strikes terror into the hearts of his opponents and weakness into the knees of the ladies. He's the cock-of-the-walk, or at least the caulk-of-the-wok. Little is known about Vaso de Agua, and what little is known only adds to the mystery.

No birthdate, no documentation, no phone, lights, nor motorcar... all that is known of him is that he fights like a demon but throws like a girl. He has never allied himself to good or evil, but is equally as likely to to help you across the street as to fracture your skull with a folding chair.

From whence did he come? Why does he hide his face behind a mask? What the hell does "Vaso de Agua" mean? Vaso de Agua will never tell. He has few words for anyone, save the endless parade of women that have fallen victim to his undeniable charm and unquenchable appetites.

Notes

• Vaso De Agua is one of John Wilke's KWE wrestlers.
• The phrase "Vaso de Agua" is Spanish for "Glass of Water".

Competition History

• Before tournament play began, his original record was 11/2.
• KWE Tournament I: Did not participate.
• KWE Tournament II: Did not participate.

Fight Messages

• The crowd cheers as Vaso De Agua prepares to use his special attack, "Huevos Mezclados!"

• Vaso De Agua scrambles <opponent>'s huevos with all the ferocity of an exceptionally fierce wire whisk. BONK!

• Vaso De Agua presents <opponent> with a rose to put between her teeth! <opponent> takes it, and the thorns underneath stick into her gums!

• Quote:

• Has asasinado a mi padre. Prepárete para morir!

Gift Responses

• Weapon:

My dear amigo, do you not see that this body is a weapon? This wit, honed to a razor edge, the only sword I need? Still, though my fists are deadly, my fist with this in it will be deadlier. Gracias.

• Armor:

If only, amigo, if only one could meatsmith armor to guard the soul from love's misfortunes. That would truly be a great thing. But armoring the stomach from suckerpunches is almost as worthy.

• Food:

This will be, I think, a meager repast for a man of my many appetites. However, I take solace in the fact that it will not harm my figure to indulge in eating it. Thank you, amigo.

• Better Food:

Now this, this is a feast worthy of the great Vaso de Agua! I give you thanks, amigo. I suppose this shall go straight to my thighs; still, I shall eat it. Food is one of life's bittersweet ironies, ¿Verdad?

• Cocktail:

Ah, amigo, you mistake me. Just because I am a sensitive man does not mean that I drink a sensitive beverage. Just this once, however, I shall drink it to show my gratitude to you. As they say in my home country, "Mejor ser mariposa que muerto."

• Cordial:

Ah, how like life this drink is. The bitter alcohol combined with the sweetness of fruit or carbonated beverages. I shall drink this and ponder Laharina, a girl I once knew. Salud!

• Booze:

Aha, the hard stuff. Now this is what I need to get me through a long night playing flamenco music on my guitar and lamenting the loss of my lover. As they say in my country, "Los porteros no saben el nombre de mi cuchillo."

• Beer:

This is not the beer of my country - it is far too full-bodied and dark. But I shall drink it anyway and drown the sorrows of my romantic, tragic existence. Gracias.

• Spleen:

Gracias for the stat boosters, amigo. Though I hardly need them, buff as I am, I am grateful. As they say in my country, "La chaqueta en fuego es un gato sin ojos."

• Unknown:

Amigo, I thank you for this beautiful, yet baffling, gift. Once I figure out what it does, I am sure it will help me in the upcoming match. As they say in my country, "la seda de los niños es dulce."

Notes

• The phrase "Has asasinado a mi padre. Prepárete para morir!" from his quote means "You've killed my father. Prepare to die!", however, in spanish the correct word should be "asesinado".
• "Huevos Mezclados", his special tecnique, means "Scrambled Eggs".
• Most of the Spanish sayings quoted in the gift responses are nonsense:

• In the cocktail gift item message, the saying "Mejor ser mariposa que muerto" means "Better to be a butterfly that is dead".

• However, as is noted in the entry for Ducha de oro, "mariposa" (literally butterfly) is derogatory slang for a gay man.

• "Los porteros no saben el nombre de mi cuchillo" means "The gatekeepers don't know my knife's name"
• The phrase "La chaqueta en fuego es un gato sin ojos" in the spleen gift message means "The jacket on fire is a cat with no eyes".
• "La seda de los niños es dulce", the phrase used in the unknown gift item message, means "The children's silk is sweet".

References

• The phrase "no phone, no lights, nor motorcar" is a reference to the ending theme of Gilligan's Island. The phrase was also used in Weird Al Yankovic's song "Amish Paradise".
• Vaso de Agua is a parody of Vega, the mask-wearing, claw-wielding pretty-boy from the English-speaking versions of the Street Fighter games. The name also sounds of Vasco da Gama, an explorer who is said to have started the age of colonization.
• Vaso's quote means "You have assassinated my father. Prepare to die!", which is very similar to the line used by Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride where he says "My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die."
• "...and the thorns underneath stick into her gums!" is a reference to Tom Lehrer's song called "The Masochism Tango" which has the following lyrics: "And I envy the rose / That you held in your teeth, love / With the thorns underneath, love / Sticking into your gums."
• Coincidentally, "agua" in Singapore's English slang (also known as, or rather, more commonly referred to as Singlish), which in itself borrows words derived from the Chinese Fujian (Hokkien) dialect usage, has come to refer to gays (both literally and, in this case, most likely methaphorically, for Vaso's dress sense).