Weapons (by requirement)

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Weapons are things adventurers use to hurt monsters, rocks, grass, small children, air, each other, and whatever else happens to get in their line of fire.

All crossbows, slingshots, banjos, guitars, pistols, and accordions are ranged weapons. All other items are considered melee weapons unless otherwise noted.

If you're clumsy, you may fumble your weapon on some part of your body. Not only does this hurt, it allows your opponent to get a free hit on you. Which also hurts. And let's face it: everyone's a little clumsy.

Melee weapons (Muscle)

Name	Power	Requirements	Weapon Type	Notes
antique spear	200	85 Muscle	1-handed polearm	Combat Initiative -30% Successful hit weakens opponent if used as primary weapon, can break part of the Antique Arms And Armor outfit
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	200	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +11 Awarded to people who find a lot of bugs, or major ones
Bugfinder Blade	180	75 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +7 Awarded to people who find a few bugs
plexiglass pike pike	180	75 Muscle	2-handed spear	+25 Melee Damage +10 PvP fight(s) per day +30% Muscle Reward for completing a Hardcore oxygenarian ascension as a Seal Clubber
star staff	165	67 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +8
star sword	165	67 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +8
giant discarded plastic fork	155	62 Muscle	3-handed staff	2x chance of Critical Hit Combat Initiative -10%
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	150	60 Muscle	2-handed polearm?	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 1,125 meat
drywall axe	150	60 Muscle	2-handed axe	All Attributes +3%
giant needle	150	60 Muscle	2-handed spear	+5 to Monster Level
Radio Free Foil	150	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Radio Free Regalia outfit Intrinsic effect: Shiny Happy Weapon (Muscle +20) Radio KoL contest prize
star spatula	150	60 Muscle	1-handed utensil	-
batblade	145	57 Muscle	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +15
ridiculously huge sword	140	55 Muscle	3-handed sword	Melee Damage +10
broken sword	135	52 Muscle	1-handed sword	Resistance Spooky
ram-battering staff	135	52 Muscle	2-handed staff	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
star stiletto	135	52 Muscle	1-handed dagger	Muscle +5
titanium assault umbrella	130	50 Muscle	1-handed umbrella	Slight Resistance to All Elements
Grimacite glaive	125	47 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +15 Muscle +percentage based on moons
pitchfork	125	47 Muscle	1-handed spear	Melee Damage +9
asbestos sword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
buffalo blade	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
chrome staff	120	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	+3 adventures per day
chrome sword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	+3 adventures per day
denim axe	120	45 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +5 Melee Damage +5
giant cheesestick	120	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
hairy staff	135	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per adventure
meatspout staff	125	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Adventures per day +15% Meat from Monsters
shuddersword	125	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	125	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
Spirit Precipice	135	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 5x chance of Critical Hit
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	130	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +5 Adventures per day
two-handed depthsword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 900 meat
lupine sword	115	42 Muscle	1-handed sword	+9 Spooky Damage
ram stick	115	42 Muscle	2-handed staff	Moxie +5
serpentine sword	115	42 Muscle	1-handed sword	+10 to Monster Level (+20 with Snake shield equipped)
asbestos staff	110	40 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +9
iron pasta spoon	110	40 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10 Obtained from a Frozen Mob Penguin; Mafia item was dropped at The Icy Peak in The Recent Past
bamboo bokuto	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 750 meat
bow staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Part of the Bow Tux outfit Mysticality +5 Melee Damage +3
Crimbo sword	100	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Crimbo Duds outfit Melee Damage +5
duck-on-a-string	100	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Melee Damage +5 +5% Item Drops From Monsters
linoleum staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Maximum MP +20
linoleum sword	100	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Maximum HP +20
Mafia violin case	100	35 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +20 Melee Damage +30 Prize from the Penguin Mafia Mystery Raffle
oversized pizza cutter	100	35 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +13
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	100	35 Muscle	3-handed ...weapon	3x chance of Critical Hit 3x chance of Fumble
soylent staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
spiked femur	100	35 Muscle	1-handed club	+6 Spooky Damage
Super Magic Power Sword X	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +4 Combat Initiative +20% 2x chance of Critical Hit
time sword	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Time Trappings outfit +3 adventures per day
Tropical Crimbo Sword	100	35 Muscle	1-handed sword	Melee Damage +5
vampire duck-on-a-string	100	35 Muscle	1-handed flail	Melee Damage +5 +5% Item Drops from Monsters
huge spoon	90	30 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +10
icy-hot katana	90	30 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit outfit +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage
kneecapping stick	90	30 Muscle	1-handed club	3x chance of Critical Hit Obtained from a Frozen Mob Penguin; Mafia item was dropped at The Icy Peak in The Recent Past
ninja mop	90	30 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +4
stainless steel shillelagh	90	30 Muscle	1-handed club	Melee Damage +20 4x chance of Critical Hit Muscle +15% Reward for completing a hardcore ascension as a Seal Clubber
vorpal blade	90	30 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Yendorian Finery outfit 2x chance of Critical Hit
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	80	25 Muscle	2-handed axe	Part of the Mining Gear outfit Successful Hit Weakens Opponent
clockwork sword	80	25 Muscle	2-handed sword	Melee Damage +10 3x chance of Critical Hit Heals 3-24 HP on Critical Hit
crowbarrr	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Combat Initiative +10%
frozen nunchaku	80	25 Muscle	2-handed club	Melee Damage +2 +2 Cold Damage
grass blade	80	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the Grass Guise outfit Melee Damage +5
grave robbing shovel	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
Kentucky-fried meat staff	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	80	25 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5
Knob Goblin melon baller	80	25 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +8
rib of the Bonerdagon	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15
rusty grave robbing shovel	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory staff	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4
savory sword	80	25 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +4
spooky bicycle chain	80	25 Muscle	1-handed whip	+5 Spooky Damage 2x chance of Critical Hit
wholeberd	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +4
chopsticks	75	23 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Combat Initiative +20% Spell Damage +12
crazy bastard sword	75	22 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +5 Melee Damage +15 3x chance of Critical Hit Ultra rare drop
25-meat staff	70	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 525 meat
flaming cardboard sword	70	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Hot Damage
flypaper staff	80	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
Frost™ brand sword	70	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 +3 Monster Level +3 Cold Damage
homoerotic frat-paddle	70	20 Muscle	1-handed club	Part of the Frat Boy Ensemble outfit +4 Sleaze Damage
squeaky staff	75	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +6 to Monster Level
sword of static	75	20 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Moxie +2 Regenerate 2-3 MP per adventure
wiffle-flail	75	20 Muscle	2-handed flail	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
bubblewrap staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
bubblewrap sword	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Mysticality +2
cardboard staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3
cardboard sword	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 Melee Damage +3
dense meat staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	60	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
diamond-studded cane	60	15 Muscle	1-handed club	Moxie +5 (Disco Bandits only)
eXtreme meat staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	60	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7
filthy pestle	60	15 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +7
flaming crutch	60	15 Muscle	1-handed club	+3 Hot Damage
glistening staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	60	15 Muscle	3-handed spear	Mysticality +3
Knob Goblin elite polearm	60	15 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform outfit Melee Damage +3
muculent machete	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2 +5% Meat from Monsters
sabre teeth	60	15 Muscle	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +4
styrofoam staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Monster Level
styrofoam sword	60	15 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 +3 to Monster Level
wooden axe	60	15 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +3
5-Alarm Saucepan	50	10 Muscle	1-handed saucepan	Mysticality +7 (Saucerors only)
balloon sword	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Never Fumble Melee Damage -2
Bjorn's Hammer	50	10 Muscle	1-handed club	Muscle +7 (Seal Clubbers only)
dripping meat staff	50	10 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dripping meat sword	50	10 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
Pasta of Peril	50	10 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +7 (Pastamancers only)
pixel sword	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Part of the 8-Bit Finery outfit Combat Initiative +15%
pestoblade	50	10 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3 +3 Stench Damage
poutine pole	55	10 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
Turtleslinger	50	10 Muscle	2-handed slingshot	Muscle +7 (Turtle Tamers only)
Unionize The Elves sign	50	10 Muscle	1-handed club	Successful hit weakens opponent
basic meat spork	45	7 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Muscle +3 Melee Damage +3
Gnollish nunchaku	45	7 Muscle	2-handed club	Melee Damage +3 No longer drops; considered rare
basic meat staff	40	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +1 Meatsmithing ingredient
basic meat sword	40	5 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +1 Meatsmithing ingredient
rubber axe	40	5 Muscle	2-handed axe	+2 Sleaze Damage
starchy staff	40	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
starchy sword	40	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +3
suede shortsword	40	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 300 meat
white sword	40	5 Muscle	1-handed sword	Muscle +2
Dr. Hobo's scalpel	35	2 Muscle	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +3 +1 Stench Damage
Gnollish flyswatter	35	2 Muscle	1-handed club	-
Gnollish plunger	35	2 Muscle	1-handed spear	-
jack flapper	35	2 Muscle	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
spooky staff	35	2 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +2 Spooky Damage

Mysticality weapons (Mysticality)

Name	Power	Requirements	Weapon Type	Notes
silver shrimp fork	120	45 Mysticality	1-handed utensil	Spell damage +14 Melee Damage +5
clockwork staff	80	25 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +10 3x chance of Critical Hit Restores 3-24 MP on Critical Hit

Ranged weapons (Moxie)

Name	Power	Requirements	Weapon Type	Notes
toy ray gun	175	72 Moxie	1-handed pistol	+5 Hot Damage 2x chance of Critical Hit Cannot equip more than one
star crossbow	165	67 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +8
star boomerang	135	52 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Moxie +5
Ga-ga radio	125	47 Moxie	2-handed radio	+1 Stat(s) Per Fight Melee Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
automatic catapult	150	60 Moxie	2-handed autopult	available from The Armory and Leggery for 1,125 Meat
lucky ball-and-chain	130	50 Moxie	2-handed flail	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 975 meat.
carob cannon	135	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Adventures per day +5 Stench Damage
chrome crossbow	120	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	+3 adventures per day
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	120	45 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Melee Damage +11
hot cross bow	130	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
potato pistol	120	45 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Moxie +5 +5 Sleaze Damage
projectile icemaker	125	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
asbestos crossbow	110	40 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +9
sack of doorknobs	110	40 Moxie	2-handed sack	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 825 meat
acoustic guitarrr	100	35 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+2% Meat from Monsters
can of fake snow	100	35 Moxie	1-handed can	Part of the Arboreal Raiment outfit +5 Cold Damage
goulauncher	100	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
linoleum crossbow	100	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Maximum HP/MP +10
prehistoric spear	100	35 Moxie	1-handed throwing spear	2x chance of Critical Hit
Cerebral Crossbow	90	30 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Part of the Encephalic Ensemble outfit +3 Cold Damage +3 Spooky Damage +3 Sleaze Damage
clockwork crossbow	80	25 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Ranged Damage +10 3x chance of Critical Hit Weakens Monster on Critical Hit
lead yo-yo	80	25 Moxie	1-handed yo-yo	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 600 meat
savory crossbow	80	25 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4
bubble bauble bow	80	20 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +3 +5% Item Drops from Monsters
can cannon	75	20 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 +3 to Monster Level Melee Damage +3
Crimbo ukelele	80	20 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+10% Item Drops from Monsters
grease gun	65	20 Moxie	1-handed pistol	Moxie +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	70	20 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +5
cardboard crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Melee Damage +3
bubblewrap crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
dense meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
eXtreme meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7
ratarang	60	15 Moxie	1-handed boomerang	Ranged Damage +7 Moxie +3
repeating crossbow	65	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2 3x chance of Critical Hit
slightly peevedbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed bow	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 450 meat.
styrofoam crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 +3 to Monster Level
can of maces	50	10 Moxie	1-handed club (ranged)	Melee Damage +2 Slight Sleaze Resistance
Disco Banjo	50	10 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +7 (Disco Bandits only)
dripping meat crossbow	50	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
Rock and Roll Legend	50	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +7 (Accordion Thieves only)
basic meat crossbow	40	5 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +1 Meatsmithing ingredient
calavera concertina	40	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3
curdflinger	45	5 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Successful hit weakens opponent
starchy crossbow	40	5 Moxie	1-handed crossbow	Moxie +3

Weapons without requirements

Name	Power	Requirements	Weapon Type	Notes
flaming juggler's balls	100	-	1-handed euphemisms	+10 Hot Damage +2 Stats Per Fight
ice sickle	100	-	1-handed scythe	+15 to Monster Level +5 Cold Damage
pool cue	40	-	2-handed staff	Moxie +3
cardboard katana	30	-	1-handed sword	Melee Damage +2
cardboard wakizashi	30	-	1-handed sword	+2 Damage Reduction
cheap plastic bottle opener	30	-	1-handed utensil	+2 Sleaze Damage Drops on St. Sneaky Pete's Day
Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife	30	-	1-handed knife	Drains MP on Successful Hit
halfberd	30	-	1-handed polearm	Melee Damage +2
huge mirror shard	30	-	1-handed knife	Melee Damage +5
Knob Goblin spatula	30	-	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +4
little paper umbrella	30	-	1-handed umbrella	+1 Spell Damage Cocktailcrafting ingredient
portable corkscrew	30	-	1-handed tool	Melee Damage +3 Spell Damage +3 Drops on St. Sneaky Pete's Day
shiny butcherknife	30	-	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +5
skeleton bone	30	-	1-handed club	+2 Spooky Damage
spooky stick	30	-	2-handed staff	+2 Spooky Damage
spork	30	-	1-handed utensil	Muscle +2 Meatsmithing ingredient
Wand of Nagamar	30	-	1-handed wand	-
eggbeater	25	-	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +2
Gnollish slotted spoon	25	-	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
stone banjo	25	-	2-handed banjo	Moxie +1
wooden stakes	25	-	2-handed spear	Melee Damage +1
corn holder	20	-	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +1
dishrag	20	-	1-handed whip	+3 Stench Damage
gnauga hide whip	20	-	1-handed whip	+3% Item Drops from Monsters
Gnollish pie server	20	-	1-handed utensil	Spell Damage +3
hippo whip	20	-	1-handed whip	+10 to Monster Level
penguin whip	20	-	1-handed whip	+3% Meat from Monsters
yak whip	20	-	1-handed whip	Successful hit weakens opponent
Knob Goblin tongs	20	-	1-handed utensil	Mysticality +1
slingshot	20	-	2-handed slingshot	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 150 meat
sweet ninja sword	20	-	1-handed sword	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 50 meat
tiny ninja sword	20	-	1-handed sword	Moxie +1
asparagus knife	15	-	1-handed knife	+1 Stench Damage
Knob Goblin scimitar	15	-	1-handed sword	Muscle +1
big stick	10	-	2-handed staff	Meatsmithing ingredient
clown hammer	10	-	1-handed club	Squeaky!
cool whip	10	-	1-handed whip	Bought at The Armory and Leggery for 30 meat
disco ball	10	-	1-handed disco ball	-
pasta spoon	10	-	1-handed utensil	-
saucepan	10	-	1-handed saucepan	-
seal-clubbing club	10	-	1-handed club	-
stolen accordion	10	-	2-handed accordion	-
tiny plastic sword	10	-	1-handed sword	Moxie +1 Cocktailcrafting ingredient