Two-handed weapons

[ Return to Game Mechanics ]

Two-handed weapons require two hands, which means Off-hand Items and Double-Fisted Skull Smashing cannot be used at the same time. Despite the name, three-handed weapons are treated exactly like two-handed weapons; the term is often applied to overcomplicated weapons, such as the ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon and the ridiculously huge sword.

40% Candy from Monsters

Name	Power	Req	Weapon Type	Notes
Bigger Bugfinder Blade	200	85 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +11 Awarded to people who find major bugs or a lot of bugs
bindlestocking	200	200 Mus	2-handed polearm	+10% Item Drops from Monsters Weapon Damage +25 On Critical: Merry Crimbo!
Chester's bag of candy	200	200 Moxie	2-handed ranged weapon	+30 Sleaze Damage Moxie +10% Bonus for DBs only Part of the Tawdry Tramp Togs
Coily™	200	200 Moxie	2-handed spring	Moxie +15% +10% Items from Monsters +25% Meat from Monsters Can be consumed in combat for thousands of damage
decaying wooden oar	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club
El Vibrato energy spear	200	200 Muscle	2-handed spear	Part of the El Vibrato Relics Can be charged with various effects
fetus-smashing club	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club	A custom item given to Bashy
fish bazooka	200	85 Moxie	2-handed bazooka	Moxie +5% +10% Meat from Monsters
fish stick	200	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5% Bonus Spell Damage +15%
flamin' bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Hot Damage Does extra Hot Damage on critical hits
freezin' bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Cold Damage Does extra Cold Damage on critical hits
frosty's nailbat	200	200 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +30% +3% Critical Hit Chance +30 Cold Damage Bonus for SCs only Part of the Hyperborean Hobo Habiliments
giant fishhook	200	85 Moxie	2-handed spear
halibut	200	85 Muscle	2-handed fish	+100 Stench Damage +100 Sleaze Damage Moxie -10%
Mer-kin digpick	200	85 Muscle	2-handed axe	Bonus Weapon Damage +30 Allows for mining in the Anemone Mine
non-stick pugil stick	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +10% Bonus Weapon Damage +10% On critical hit: Stuns Opponent
Ol' Scratch's infernal pitchfork	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+40 Hot Damage +2% Critical Hit Chance
PVC staff	200	85 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +15% +10% Items from Monsters +60 Damage to Cold Spells
Seeger's Unstoppable Banjo	200	60 Mox	2-handed banjo	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Groovelord Moxie +15 +23% Meat from Monsters +15 damage to Disco Bandit Combat Skills Special Attack: Funk Bluegrass Fusion
skate board	200	85 Muscle	2-handed club	All Attributes +10% Damage Reduction: 10
sleazy bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Sleaze Damage Does extra Sleaze Damage on critical hits
slime-covered shovel	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Bonus Weapon Damage +60 +100 Damage vs. Slimes Combat Initiative -10%
stinkin' bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Stench Damage Does extra Stench Damage on critical hits
spooky bindle	200	200 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+10% Items from Monsters +25 Spooky Damage Does extra Spooky Damage on critical hits
The Trickster's Trikitixa	200	60 Mox	2-handed accordion	Part of the Legendary Regalia of the Master Squeezeboxer Moxie +15 Ranged Damage +23 +11% Item Drops from Monsters Special Attack: Extreme High Note
underworld flail	200	150 Moxie	2-handed flail	+10 Moxie Stat Gains from Fights Bonus Ranged Damage +30 Moxie +10%
underworld truncheon	200	150 Muscle	2-handed club	+10 Muscle Stat(s) Per Fight Weapon Damage +20% Muscle +10%
villainous scythe	200	150 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Grimy Reaper's Vestments Slime Hates It x2 Bonus Weapon Damage +30% +4% Critical Hit Chance
Zim Merman's guitar	200	85 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Ranged Damage +20
Zombo's shoulder blade	200	200 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +30% Melee Damage +30%
beer-a-pult	190	80 Moxie	3-handed catapult	+10 Stench Damage +10 Sleaze Damage
cast-iron legacy paddle	190	80 Muscle	2-handed club	Muscle +15 Melee Damage +10
fire poi	190	80 Moxie	2-handed flail	+15 Hot Damage Moxie +3
giant driftwood sculpture	190	80 Muscle	2-handed flail	Moxie +8 Melee Damage +15
massive sitar	190	80 Moxie	2-handed sitar	Mysticality +12 Spell Damage +20
Bugfinder Blade	180	75 Muscle	2-handed sword	All Attributes +7 Awarded to people who find a few bugs
didgeridooka	180	75 Moxie	2-handed heavy blowgun	Moxie +9
plexiglass pikestaff	180	75 Muscle	2-handed club	Melee Damage +25 +10 Extra PvP Fights Muscle +30% SC's HCO reward
perforated battle paddle	175	72 Muscle	2-handed club	Melee Damage +10
Drowsy Sword	171	66 Muscle	2-handed sword	Successful hit weakens opponent Monster Level -10
charming flute	170	70 Moxie	2-handed flute	Moxie +8 +20 Bonus Weapon Damage vs. Snakes
denim axe	170	70 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +10 Melee Damage +10
star crossbow	165	67 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +8
star staff	165	67 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +8
star sword	165	67 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +8
arse-shooting crossbow	160	65 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	A custom item given to Kucolan All Attributes +15 Allows Arse Shoot
creepy-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 to Monster Level +15 Sleaze Damage Player loses 10 HP due to sleaze at end of combat Bonus for SCs only
cyber-mattock	160	65 Muscle	2-handed axe	+5% Items from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters May break in combat
evil-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 to Monster Level +15 Spooky Damage Player loses 10 HP due to spooky at the end of combat Bonus for SCs only
frigid-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 to Monster Level +15 Cold Damage Player loses 10 HP due to cold at the end of combat Bonus for SCs only
heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr	160	65 Moxie	2-handed axe	Melee Damage +16
hot-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 to Monster Level +15 Hot Damage Player loses 10 HP due to hot at the end of combat Bonus for SCs only
jungle drum	160	65 Moxie	2-handed drum	+10 Spooky Damage So-So Spooky Resistance Combat Initiative -20%
nasty-ass club	160	65 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +25 +15 to Monster Level +15 Stench Damage Player loses 10 HP due to stench at the end of combat Bonus for SCs only
giant discarded plastic fork	155	62 Muscle	3-handed staff	Part of the Glad Bag Glad Rags 2x Critical Hit Chance Combat Initiative -10%
magilaser blastercannon	155	62 Moxie	2-handed laser cannon	Ranged Damage +15 +5 (hot damage)
automatic catapult	150	60 Moxie	2-handed autopult
bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme	150	60 Muscle	2-handed polearm?
bugbear-smiting sword	150	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to Spazworrier Melee Damage +10 Muscle +10
C.B.F.G.	150	60 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Crimborg Assault Armor +10 Hot Damage +10 Stench Damage
drywall axe	150	60 Muscle	2-handed axe	All Attributes +2 All Attributes +3%
giant needle	150	60 Muscle	2-handed spear	Monster Level +5
Radio Free Foil	150	60 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Radio Free Regalia Intrinsic Effect: Shiny Happy Weapon: Muscle +20
a butt tuba	145	57 Moxie	2-handed horn	+15 Sleaze Damage
acoustic guitarrr	140	55 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+8% Meat from Monsters
armgun	140	55 Moxie	2-handed machine gun	Bonus Weapon Damage + 10 2x Critical Hit Chance
black kettle drum	140	55 Moxie	2-handed drum	Moxie +5 Maximum HP +30 Maximum MP +30
ridiculously huge sword	140	55 Muscle	3-handed sword	Melee Damage +12 Muscle +4
carob cannon	135	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +5 Stench Damage
hairy staff	135	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7 Regenerate 5-7 MP per Adventure
ram-battering staff	135	52 Muscle	2-handed staff	+10 Damage to Hot Spells Moxie +5
Spirit Precipice	135	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5 5x Critical Hit Chance Does 12-24 damage to player on critical
4-dimensional guitar	130	50 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Bonus Ranged Damage +7 3x Critical Hit Chance
bad-ass club	130	50 Muscle	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +15 +10 to Monster Level Bonus for SCs only
hot cross bow	130	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5 +5 Hot Damage
lucky ball-and-chain	130	50 Moxie	2-handed flail
sword behind inappropriate prepositions	130	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +5 Extra Rollover Adventures
ga-ga radio	125	47 Moxie	2-handed radio	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Melee Damage +5 Maximum MP +20
Grimacite glaive	125	47 Muscle	2-handed polearm	A prize from The Raffle House Melee Damage +15 Muscle +0-50% based on Grimace darkness
meatspout staff	125	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures +15% Meat from Monsters
projectile icemaker	125	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Cold Damage
shuddersword	125	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7 +5 Spooky Damage
smoldering staff	125	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5 +11 Damage to Stench Spells
asbestos sword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Mysticality +5
bone and arrows	120	45 Mox	2-handed bow	+30 Damage vs. Skeletons
buffalo blade	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5 +3 Hot Damage +2 Sleaze Damage
chrome crossbow	120	45 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
giant cheesestick	120	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 +11 Damage to Sleaze Spells
lawnmower blade	120	45 Mus	2-handed sword	Weapon Damage +15
linoleum staff	120	45 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Spell Damage +7
ocarina of space	120	45 Moxie	2-handed flute	All Attributes +4 Bonus Ranged Damage +5 +2 Stat Gains from Fights
two-handed depthsword	120	45 Muscle	2-handed sword
ram stick	115	42 Muscle	2-handed staff	Moxie +5
asbestos crossbow	110	40 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Muscle +5
bone flute	110	40 Moxie	2-handed flute	+11 Spooky Damage
chrome staff	110	40 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
linoleum sword	110	40 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 Spell Damage +7
sack of doorknobs	110	40 Moxie	2-handed sack
asbestos staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7 Moxie +5
big stirring stick	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +5
bounty-hunting rifle	100	25 Moxie	2-handed rifle	Part of the Bounty-Hunting Rig +15% Items from Monsters
bow staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Part of the Bow Tux Mysticality +5 Melee Damage +3
chrome sword	100	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
Crimbomination Contraption	100	None	2-handed club
Crimbo sword	100	35 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Crimbo Duds Melee Damage +5
depleted Grimacite hammer	100	35 Muscle	2-handed club	Monster Level +0-25 based on Grimace darkness Needed for depleted Grimacite smithing
giant candy cane	100		2-handed staff
goulauncher	100	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4 +5 Spooky Damage
Loathing Legion chainsaw	100	None	2-handed chainsaw	Weapon Damage +100% Successful hit weakens opponent.
Loathing Legion flamethrower	100	None	2-handed flamethrower	+20 Hot Damage Converts all physical damage to Hot
linoleum crossbow	100	35 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7 Spell Damage +7
plastic guitar	100	35 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +5 Combat Initiative +15%
ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon	100	35 Muscle	3-handed ...weapon	3x Critical Hit Chance 3x Fumble Chance
soylent staff	100	35 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4 Spell Damage +10
sugar shillelagh	100	None	2-handed club	Bonus Weapon Damage +50% Breaks after 30 combats
The Landscaper's leafblower	100	35 Mox	2-handed leafblower	+1-25 Monster Level
icy-hot katana	90	30 Muscle	2-handed sword	Part of the Hot and Cold Running Ninja Suit +3 Hot Damage +3 Cold Damage
ninja mop	90	30 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +5
Shagadelic Disco Banjo	90	15 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +11 +10% Meat from Monsters +7 damage to DB combat skills DB's Legendary Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
Squeezebox of the Ages	90	15 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +11 Ranged Damage +15 AT's Legendary Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 15-turn AT buffs Bonus for ATs only
7-Foot Dwarven mattock	80	25 Muscle	2-handed axe	Part of the Mining Gear Successful hit weakens opponent
bubble bauble bow	80	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2 +5% Items from Monsters
clockwork staff	80	25 Mysticality	2-handed staff	Spell Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Restore 3-24 MP on Critical hit
clockwork sword	80	25 Muscle	2-handed sword	Melee Damage +10 3x Critical Hit Chance Restore 3-24 HP on Critical hit
Crimbo ukelele	80	20 Moxie	2-handed guitar	+10% Items from Monsters
crowbarrr	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Combat Initiative +15%
flypaper staff	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3 +3 Spooky Damage
frigid hankyū	80	25 Moxie	2-handed bow	+6 Cold Damage Moxie +2
frozen nunchaku	80	25 Muscle	2-handed flail	Melee Damage +3 +3 Cold Damage
goblin autoblowgun	80	25 Moxie	2-handed blowgun	Bonus Ranged Damage +5 Does poison Passive Damage
goblin hunting spear	80	25 Muscle	2-handed spear	Bonus Weapon Damage +5 +15 Damage vs. Jungle Beasts
rib of the Bonerdagon	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Muscle +5 Mysticality +5 Spell Damage +15
rusty grave robbing shovel	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	+5 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
savory crossbow	80	25 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +4
savory staff	80	25 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +4
wholeberd	80	25 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Melee Damage +6
can cannon	75	22 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3 Melee Damage +3
elephant stinger	75	22 Mus	2-handed spear	Muscle +3 50% chance of poisoning opponent.
squeaky staff	75	22 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +6
wiffle-flail	75	22 Muscle	2-handed flail	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2 Combat Initiative +20%
25-meat staff	70	20 Muscle	2-handed staff
flamingo mallet	70	20 Mus	2-handed club	+4 to Monster Level +5% Meat from Monsters
Kentucky-fried meat crossbow	70	20 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +5
Kentucky-fried meat staff	70	20 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +5
Kentucky-fried meat sword	70	20 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +5
Totally Gay Claymore	69	19 Muscle	2-handed sword	A custom item given to PhilANThropiSt
repeating crossbow	65	17 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2 3x Critical Hit Chance
BRICKO sword	60	None	2-handed club	Part of the BRICKOfig Outfit Weapon Damage +6
bubblewrap crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Mysticality +2
bubblewrap staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Muscle +2
cardboard crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Melee Damage +3
cardboard staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Melee Damage +3
dense meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3
dense meat staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
dense meat sword	60	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +3
eXtreme meat crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +7
eXtreme meat staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +7
eXtreme meat sword	60	15 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +7
glistening staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +3 Sleaze Damage
Gnollish autoplunger	60	15 Muscle	3-handed spear	Mysticality +3
Knob Goblin elite polearm	60	15 Muscle	2-handed polearm	Part of the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform Melee Damage +3
pair of bolt cutters	60	15 Muscle	2-handed club	Delevels on hit
slightly peevedbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed bow
styrofoam crossbow	60	15 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Monster Level +3
styrofoam staff	60	15 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 Monster Level +3
wooden axe	60	15 Muscle	2-handed axe	Muscle +3
infernal fife	55	12 Moxie	2-handed flute	+7 Hot Damage
poutine pole	55	12 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3 +3 Sleaze Damage
astral bludgeon	50	None	2-handed club	Muscle +25% Weapon Damage +20 3x chance of Critical Hit
astral longbow	50	None	2-handed bow	Moxie +25% Ranged Damage +20 +30% Meat from Monsters
Ax of L'rose	50	None	2-handed axe
Disco Banjo	50	10 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +7 +3 damage to DB combat skills DB's Epic Weapon Bonus for DBs only
dripping meat crossbow	50	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +2
dripping meat staff	50	10 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2
gift-a-pult	50	None	2-handed giftapult	Allows hurling of Gift Items
inflatable baseball bat	50	None	2-handed club	Weapon Damage +30 Bonus weakens with each use
office-supply crossbow	50	10 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +3 Bonus Ranged Damage +3
Red Rover BB gun	50	10 Moxie	2-handed gun	3x Critical Hit Chance On critical, either puts out your eye (All Attributes -10%) or your opponent's
Rock and Roll Legend	50	10 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +7 AT's Epic Weapon Enables the casting of 10-turn AT buffs (all classes) Bonus for ATs only
worm-riding hooks	50	None	2-handed club
gnollish nunchaku	45	7 Mus	2-handed flail	Weapon Damage +4
calavera concertina	40	5 Moxie	2-handed accordion	Moxie +3 Enables the casting of 7-turn AT buffs (all classes)
dueling banjo	40	5 Moxie	2-handed banjo	Moxie +4 +5 Monster Level
half-sized guitar	40	5 Moxie	2-handed guitar	Moxie +2 Bonus Ranged Damage +4
pool cue	40	None	2-handed staff	Moxie +3
rubber axe	40	5 Muscle	2-handed axe	+2 Sleaze Damage
starchy staff	40	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +3
big bass drum	35	2 Moxie	2-handed drum	Maximum HP +20 Damage Absorption +8
pocket theremin	35	2 Moxie	2-handed theremin	+4 Spooky Damage
spooky staff	35	2 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +2 +2 Spooky Damage
beer-soaked mop	30	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Sleaze Damage
grave robbing shovel	30	None	2-handed polearm	+3 Spooky Damage Combat Initiative -10%
out-of-tune biwa	30	None	2-handed guitar	Bonus Ranged Damage +2
spooky stick	30	None	2-handed staff	+2 Spooky Damage
third-hand nunchaku	30	7 Muscle	2-handed flail	Melee Damage +3
stone banjo	25	None	2-handed banjo	Moxie +1
wooden stakes	25	None	2-handed spear	Melee Damage +1
basic meat crossbow	20	5 Moxie	2-handed crossbow	Moxie +1
basic meat staff	20	5 Muscle	2-handed staff	Mysticality +1
basic meat sword	20	5 Muscle	2-handed sword	Muscle +1
slingshot	20	None	2-handed slingshot
soup-chucks	15	None	2-handed flail	+2 Hot Damage
archaeologing shovel	10	None	2-handed polearm	Permitted 30 digs in Bigg's Dig
big stick	10	None	2-handed staff
KoL Con Cinco Piñata Bat	10	None	2-handed club	Maximum HP +10 Maximum MP +10 Regenerate 1-3 HP per adventure Regenerate 1-3 MP per adventure Cannot equip in Hardcore
stolen accordion	10	None	2-handed accordion	Enables the casting of 5-turn AT buffs (all classes)