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| {{Template:MonsterManuelEntryNav|A}} | | {{Template:MonsterManuelEntryNav|A}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|a massive prism of grey goo|*This prism is not like the one that King Ralph is usually trapped in. |
| | *For one thing, it's on the ground. For another, it isn't translucent. |
| | *For a third thing, a King doesn't come out of it when you smash it. I probably could've just started with that one and knocked off for an early lunch.|attack=10|defense=10|hp=1000}} |
| {{ManuelEntry|A.M.C. gremlin|*Some researchers believe the AMC Gremlin to be evidence that gremlins are a degenerate offshoot of the Crimbo Elf, due to their mechanical skills. However, their research equipment usually falls apart before they get a chance to publish. | | {{ManuelEntry|A.M.C. gremlin|*Some researchers believe the AMC Gremlin to be evidence that gremlins are a degenerate offshoot of the Crimbo Elf, due to their mechanical skills. However, their research equipment usually falls apart before they get a chance to publish. |
| *Be careful never to feed gremlins after midnight. And by 'feed', I mean "allow them to chew on your face". | | *Be careful never to feed gremlins after midnight. And by 'feed', I mean "allow them to chew on your face". |
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| *Since so much mahogany was used making pens for hogs, it became very rare and thus very valuable. | | *Since so much mahogany was used making pens for hogs, it became very rare and thus very valuable. |
| *Old mahogany hogpens are worth far more than the hogs you might keep in them. Unless you've got really valuable hogs. Like, twice as charming as that Arnold on Green Acres.}} | | *Old mahogany hogpens are worth far more than the hogs you might keep in them. Unless you've got really valuable hogs. Like, twice as charming as that Arnold on Green Acres.}} |
| {{ManuelEntry|animated nightstand (White)|*The nightstand can be disassembled with an allen wrench and a screwdriver, but it'll never be the same when you put it back together. | | {{ManuelEntry|animated nightstand (white noncombat)|*The nightstand can be disassembled with an allen wrench and a screwdriver, but it'll never be the same when you put it back together. |
| *This nightstand looks like it's solid wood, but it's actually a birch veneer over cardboard. Economical and lightweight! | | *This nightstand looks like it's solid wood, but it's actually a birch veneer over cardboard. Economical and lightweight! |
| *The technical name for this kind of nightstand is "Çpøøkiråvn."}} | | *The technical name for this kind of nightstand is "Çpøøkiråvn."}} |
| {{ManuelEntry|animated nightstand (Mahogany)|*The animated nightstand is made of teak, the most evil of woods. | | {{ManuelEntry|animated nightstand (mahogany noncombat)|*The animated nightstand is made of teak, the most evil of woods. |
| *The nightstand's an antique assembled with actual nails and glue, so you won't be able to defeat it with an allen wrench. | | *The nightstand's an antique assembled with actual nails and glue, so you won't be able to defeat it with an allen wrench. |
| *It takes approximately 150 years of exposure to a latent magical field to animate a nightstand, slightly fewer if the nightstand was kind of uppity to begin with.}} | | *It takes approximately 150 years of exposure to a latent magical field to animate a nightstand, slightly fewer if the nightstand was kind of uppity to begin with.}} |
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| *Assembly elementals are often faster than BASIC elementals, but they're much less comprehensible. | | *Assembly elementals are often faster than BASIC elementals, but they're much less comprehensible. |
| *Don't ask an assembly elemental to put your new furniture together for you. They ''hate'' that.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?}} | | *Don't ask an assembly elemental to put your new furniture together for you. They ''hate'' that.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|Astrologer of Shub-Jigguwatt|*Astrology is the science of converting newsprint into hope. |
| | *When the stars align, Shub-Jigguwatt shall return. |
| | *According to the stars, you are reading this sentence.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|Astronomer (obsolete)|*Remember, lifespans were shorter back in the olden times, so these ancient astronomers were about twelve years old. Explains a lot, doesn't it? |
| | *The Astronomers of Loathing also discovered the Boob Cluster, the Fart Nebula, and the Dork Pillars. |
| | *Actually, that thing the Astronomer is holding is a piece of pizza.}} |
| {{ManuelEntry|Astronomer|*The astronomers of old had a list of constellation names that they could never find constellations to match. Thus the Kingdom has no "Meat Missile" constellation. | | {{ManuelEntry|Astronomer|*The astronomers of old had a list of constellation names that they could never find constellations to match. Thus the Kingdom has no "Meat Missile" constellation. |
| *The longstanding feud between astronomers and astrologers once boiled over into an actual ''war'' over the ''stars''. It was called "The Space Battles." | | *The longstanding feud between astronomers and astrologers once boiled over into an actual ''war'' over the ''stars''. It was called "The Space Battles." |
| *The constellation "The Beaver" was once known as the Floppy Taco, before a few supernovae altered its shape. This is a relevant factoid for the Astronomer because the Astronomer named the thing and changed the name. So quit filing bug reports about it.}} | | *The constellation "The Beaver" was once known as the Floppy Taco, before a few supernovae altered its shape. This is a relevant factoid for the Astronomer because the Astronomer named the thing and changed the name. So quit filing bug reports about it.}} |
| {{ManuelEntry|Astronomer|*Remember, lifespans were shorter back in the olden times, so these ancient astronomers were about twelve years old. Explains a lot, doesn't it?
| |
| *The Astronomers of Loathing also discovered the Boob Cluster, the Fart Nebula, and the Dork Pillars.
| |
| *Actually, that thing the Astronomer is holding is a piece of pizza.}}
| |
| {{ManuelEntry|Auqadargon|*Like all of the Rain King's subjects, the Auqadargon is made of sentient water. And a few bone fragments. | | {{ManuelEntry|Auqadargon|*Like all of the Rain King's subjects, the Auqadargon is made of sentient water. And a few bone fragments. |
| *Water-dragons breathe steam and boiling water instead of fire. One small water dragon could probably power an entire locomotive. | | *Water-dragons breathe steam and boiling water instead of fire. One small water dragon could probably power an entire locomotive. |
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| *The auteur elf shoots only in natural light, with naturally occuring sounds, and without film in his camera, to keep it extra real. | | *The auteur elf shoots only in natural light, with naturally occuring sounds, and without film in his camera, to keep it extra real. |
| *Sure, he's annoying, but he's also a ''genius''. Just kidding. His films kind of suck, so he's just annoying.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?}} | | *Sure, he's annoying, but he's also a ''genius''. Just kidding. His films kind of suck, so he's just annoying.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|automated bearing foundry |
| | |*In olden times, metal balls were made by dropping molten slag from really high up and allowing it to form into sphere before it landed in a big vessel of water. |
| | *Nowadays, it's pretty much the same, except the long drop is replaced with a magnetronic particle accelerator, the vessel of water is replaced with a cooling coil, and the slag is replaced by just ordering some bearings from China. |
| | *Sometimes they'll make one out of ceramic instead of metal as a prank.}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|automated solenoid press|*There's a lot more going on inside this thing than in a typical press. Solenoids aren't something you can get by just smashing something else. |
| | *This is what they used to believe, at least, until they discovered a kind of tree in the Caribbean whose fruit had solenoids for seeds. |
| | *It became true again after those trees were harvested to extinction, though. Capitalism always wins.}} |
| {{ManuelEntry|awkward disco dancer|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?|*If you're a bad dancer, try putting your hands in your pockets and kind of just rocking back and forth. | | {{ManuelEntry|awkward disco dancer|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?|*If you're a bad dancer, try putting your hands in your pockets and kind of just rocking back and forth. |
| *Or maybe try staying home instead of going places where you're likely to have to dance. | | *Or maybe try staying home instead of going places where you're likely to have to dance. |
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| *The Cosmic Axe Cult says "Timber!" instead of "Amen." | | *The Cosmic Axe Cult says "Timber!" instead of "Amen." |
| *The Cosmic Axe Cult wears sequin-spangled flannel shirts and denim pants. No one makes fun of them, though, because they also carry giant bedazzled, wicked-sharp axes.}} | | *The Cosmic Axe Cult wears sequin-spangled flannel shirts and denim pants. No one makes fun of them, though, because they also carry giant bedazzled, wicked-sharp axes.}} |
| | | {{ManuelEntry|Axis artillery skeleton|*The spell components for ''Summon Bomb'' are a pinch of gunpowder, a dragon scrotum, and a 1,000 g.p. ruby. |
| | *This is one of the few professions where if they say their recent gig really bombed, that's a good thing. |
| | *Sometimes the bombs are full of dragon teeth so new squads of skeletons sprout up where they hit. Considering the other material components, they have plenty of dragon teeth.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?|image=noart.gif}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|Axis grenadier skeleton|*You know what they say -- when life gives you grens, |
| | *Potato masher grenades are actually called that because it only takes one to mash up a sack of potatoes real good. |
| | *Pineapples were actually named that due to their resemblance to hand grenades.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?|image=noart.gif}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|Axis infantry skeleton|*The spike on top of the helmet is to mark their axis of rotation. har har |
| | *Actually that kind of helmet is called a 'pickelhaube', which is German for "pickle haver" or "pickle holder". That's what the spike is for. |
| | *They briefly experimented with using the helmet spike as an offensive weapon, but the soldiers got too many concussions.|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?|image=noart.gif}} |
| | {{ManuelEntry|Axis officer skeleton|*AWOL stands for Addicted to West Of Loathing. |
| | *The officers are tougher because the skeletons are mainly paid in milk. |
| | *The Skeleton War equivalent of VE Day was also called VE Day but it stood for Victory with Epidermis|attack=?|defense=?|hp=?|image=noart.gif}} |
| ==References== | | ==References== |
| *The angry bassist's first entry is a reference to ''[[Wikipedia:Angry Birds|Angry Birds]]''. | | *The angry bassist's first entry is a reference to ''[[Wikipedia:Angry Birds|Angry Birds]]''. |
| *The reference to a vampire bunny rabbit in the albino bat's entry is a reference to the ''[[Wikipedia:Bunnicula|Bunnicula]]'' series by James Howe. | | *The reference to a vampire bunny rabbit in the albino bat's entry is a reference to the ''[[Wikipedia:Bunnicula|Bunnicula]]'' series by James Howe. |
| [[Category:Miscellaneous]] | | [[Category:Miscellaneous]] |
