Off-hand Items

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Off-hand Items are a special form of equipment introduced during Crimbo 2005. These are special items that can be equipped if the player has a 1-handed weapon or no weapon at all.

Uses and Restrictions

Off-hand items have many of the same properties as accessories. They can increase stats, increase stat gains or monster level, and modify various other properties. Many off-hand items, known as shields, provide damage reduction, in addition to other effects, such as damage absorption.

Off-hand items can only be equipped by a player wielding a one-handed weapon or no weapon. If a player equips a 2- or 3-handed weapon, the off-hand item is unequipped. When a player is using a 2- or 3-handed weapon, off-hand items will appear with a strike-through equip link to indicate they cannot be equipped.

With the exception of the fake hand, you may equip at most a single off-hand item. Equipping the fake hand grants an additional offhand equipment slot. While there is no limit to the number of hands that may be thus equipped, doing so generally gives you you nothing more than a modicum of fleeting entertainment. However, it can be useful when employing the Star Starfish Trick.

Players with Double-Fisted Skull Smashing can equip 1-handed weapons into their off-hand, provided that they are both moxie/Mysticality weapons or both ranged weapons. Chefstaves and Accordions can never be equipped in your off-hand, even if the weapon is 1-handed and you have DFSS.

History

Off-hand items debuted in 2005 with the off-hand balloon awarded to the Development Team as a limited quantity item. Off-hand items were introduced to the general KoL community with the rag doll, marionette, and sock monkey, three toys produced by Uncle Crimbo's workshop. A fourth off-hand item, the ice baby, is part of the Mr. Store Item of the Month for February 2006.

On February 8, 2006, numerous existing accessories were converted to off-hand item status, as detailed in HotStuff's announcement.

Item List

Name	Req	Chars (incl. space)	Notes
Great Wolf's left paw	250 Muscle	21	+10% Critical Hit Chance +10 Spooky Damage +10 Stench Damage +10 Hot Damage +10 Cold Damage +10 Sleaze Damage Never Fumble Bonus for SCs only
antique spyglass	200 Mysticality	16	Reduce enemy defense by 15% All Attributes +10%
enchanted fire extinguisher	200 Mysticality	27	All Pastamancer spells inflict Cold Damage Spell Damage +100% +30 Damage to Cold Spells
Hodgman's almanac	200 Mysticality	17	Converts Hobo Power to Spell Damage
Hodgman's cane	200 Mysticality	14	Converts Hobo Power to HP and MP Regeneration
Hodgman's garbage sticker	200 Moxie	25	Converts Hobo Power to + Meat from Monsters
Hodgman's harmonica	200 Moxie	19	Converts Hobo Power to Ranged Damage
Hodgman's imaginary hamster	200 Mysticality	27	Converts Hobo Power to + Meat Drops, + Item Drops, and HP and MP Regeneration
Hodgman's metal detector	200 Muscle	24	Converts Hobo Power to + Items from Monsters
Hodgman's varcolac paw	200 Muscle	22	Converts Hobo Power to Melee Damage
The Necbromancer's Stein	200 Mysticality	24	All Pastamancer spells inflict Spooky Damage Spell Damage +100% +30 Damage to Spooky Spells
Ol' Scratch's ash can	200 Mysticality	21	Part of the Pyretic Panhandler Paraphernalia All Spells Cast Are Hot Spell Damage +100% +30 Damage to Hot Spells Bonus for Ss only
Ol' Scratch's stove door	200 Muscle	24	+20 Hot Damage Deals 40-50 Hot Damage to attackers Damage Reduction: +15
old-school flying disc	200 Muscle	22	Damage Reduction: 14 Muscle +15% Damage Reduction: 10 +5 to Familiar Weight Can be consumed in combat to do 1000-5000 damage on a 1-3 round delay
Oscus's garbage can lid	200 Muscle	23	+20 Stench Damage Deals 40-50 Stench Damage to attackers Damage Reduction: +15
pixel grappling hook	200 Moxie	20	Combat Initiative +40% +10% Item Drops from Monsters
red wagon	200 Mysticality	9	Mysticality +15% Bonus Spell Damage +50% Maximum MP +300
slime-covered compass	200 Mysticality	21	So-So Slime Resistance Combat Initiative +40%
slime-covered lantern	200 Mysticality	21	So-So Slime Resistance Maximum HP +50 Maximum MP +50 Regenerate 10-15 HP per adventure Regenerate 10-15 MP per adventure
snowstick	200 Mysticality	9	+80 Damage to Cold Spells
tailbone shield	200 Muscle	15	+40 Stench Damage Deals 80-100 Stench Damage to attackers Damage Reduction: 16
vengeful spirit	200 Mysticality	15	+80 Damage to Hot Spells
Wand of Oscus	200 Mysticality	13	Part of the Vile Vagrant Vestments All Spells Cast Are Stinky Spell Damage +100% +30 Damage to Stench Spells Bonus for Ps only
Zombo's shield	200 Muscle	14	Bonus for TTs only: Part of the Dire Drifter Duds Damage Absorption +50 +30 Spooky Damage Muscle +20% Damage Reduction: +15
cup of infinite pencils	175 Muscle	23	25-30 Passive Damage per round +15% Meat from Monsters
'WILL WORK FOR BOOZE' sign	175 Muscle	26	+30% Booze Drops from Monsters
C.H.U.M. lantern	150 Muscle	16	+17 Stench Damage +30% Items from Monsters (In Sewers)
grisly shield	150 Muscle	13	Damage Reduction: 13 Slime Hates It Bonus Weapon Damage +50 +6 Extra PvP Fights
left-handed melodica	150 Moxie	20	Ranged Damage +25 Bonus for ATs only
makeshift castanets	150 Moxie	19	+10 Damage to Disco Bandit Combat skills Bonus for DBs only
marinara jug	150 Mysticality	12	Spell Damage +30 Bonus for Ss only
Scepter of Loathing	150 Mysticality	19	+15% Critical Hit Chance +15% Critical Spell Chance Superhuman Spooky Resistance
sealskin drum	150 Muscle	13	Melee Damage +20 Bonus for SCs only
spaghetti-box banjo	150 Mysticality	19	Regenerate 5-10 MP per Adventure Bonus for Ps only
washboard shield	150 Muscle	16	Bonus for TTs only: Damage Absorption +50 Damage Reduction: +10
Brand of Violence	125 Muscle	17	Moxie +20% +5% Critical Hit Chance Weapon Damage +30% Allows use of skill Brand
Cold Stone of Hatred	125 Muscle	20	Mysticality +20% Reduce enemy defense by 10% Bonus Spell Damage +60% Allows use of skill Chilling Grip
Drunkula's wineglass	100 Mysticality	20	-30 to Familiar Weight Prevents usage of skills, spells and combat items Allows adventuring while falling-down drunk
HOA regulation book	100 Muscle	19	Reduce enemy defense by 20% -100 to Monster Level So-So Resistance to All Elements Damage Reduction: 23
Unkillable Skeleton's shield	100 Muscle	28	Serious Resistance to All Elements Maximum MP -300 Deals damage to attackers Damage Reduction: 23
spongy shield	95 Muscle	13	Muscle +10% Regenerate 20-50 HP per adventure Damage Absorption +50 Damage Reduction: +14
antique shield	85 Muscle	14	Part of the Antique Arms And Armor Combat Initiative -10% Damage Reduction: +15 Pulverizes into useless powder Can break in combat
beach ball marble	85 Mysticality	17	Bonus Spell Damage +35 +35 Damage to Hot Spells +35 Damage to Cold Spells
beige clambroth marble	85 Mysticality	22	Bonus Spell Damage +30 +30 Damage to Hot Spells
big bumboozer marble	85 Mysticality	20	Bonus Spell Damage +80
black catseye marble	85 Mysticality	20	+75 Damage to Spooky Spells
brass dorsal fin	85 Muscle	16	Damage Reduction: 13 Bonus Weapon Damage +20%
brown crock marble	85 Mysticality	18	+35 Damage to Stench Spells
bumblebee marble	85 Mysticality	16	Bonus Spell Damage +50
collapsible baton	85 Mysticality	17	Mysticality +10% +5% Critical Spell Chance
Dallas Dynasty Falcon Crest shield	85 Muscle	34	An ultra-rare item Superhuman Resistance to All Elements Damage Reduction: +15
eelskin shield	85 Muscle	14	Maximum HP +55 Maximum MP +55 Passive Damage (Underwater Only) Damage Reduction: +13
glowing esca	85 Mysticality	12	+20% Items from Monsters (underwater adventuring only)
green peawee marble	85 Mysticality	19	+30 Damage to Stench Spells
jet bennie marble	85 Mysticality	17	+55 Damage to Spooky Spells
lemonade marble	85 Mysticality	15	+45 Damage to Cold Spells
Mer-kin begsign	85 Muscle	15	Successful hit weakens opponent +40% Meat from Monsters (Underwater only)
Mer-kin roundshield	85 Muscle	19	Damage Reduction: 18 Damage Absorption +40 Regenerate 10-20 HP per adventure
Mer-kin stopwatch	85 Mysticality	17	+3 Extra Rollover Adventures +50% Combat Initiative (Underwater only)
Mer-kin takebag	85 Mysticality	15	+5% Items from Monsters (+15% Underwater)
red China marble	85 Mysticality	16	+40 Damage to Hot Spells
rusty old lantern	85 Mysticality	17
silver cow creamer	85 Mysticality	18	+3 Extra Rollover Adventures +3 Extra PvP Fights +30% Meat from Monsters
steely marble	85 Mysticality	13	+65 Damage to Sleaze Spells
teflon shield	85 Muscle	13	Muscle +10% Damage Reduction: +24 Damage Absorption +50
velcro shield	85 Muscle	13	Mysticality +10% Damage Reduction: +24 +25% Weapons from Monsters
vinyl shield	85 Muscle	12	Moxie +10% Damage Reduction: +24 +25 to Monster Level
duct tape buckler	82 Muscle	17	Maximum HP +65 Maximum MP +65 Damage Reduction: +12
catskin buckler	75 Muscle	15	Muscle +10 Damage Absorption +50 Damage Reduction: +11
ghast iron heater shield	75 Muscle	24	Part of the Ghast Iron Gear Damage Reduction: 11 +10 Spooky Damage +10 Hot Damage
sawblade shield	75 Muscle	15	Melee Damage +11 Damage Reduction: +11
steaming evil	75 Mysticality	13	+6 Hot Damage +6 Sleaze Damage +6 Spooky Damage
keg shield	70 Muscle	10	Damage Absorption +50 Mysticality +5 Damage Reduction: +11
red X Shield	70 Muscle	12	Damage Reduction: 11 Maximum HP/MP +20
six-rainbow shield	70 Muscle	18	Maximum HP +50 Serious Resistance to All Elements Damage Reduction: +12
smirking shrunken head	70 Mysticality	22	Deals Spooky Damage every round
wicker shield	70 Muscle	13	Moxie +6 Damage Reduction: +11
wonderwall shield	70 Muscle	17	Maximum HP +50 Damage Reduction: +12
star buckler	67 Muscle	12	Part of the Star Garb All Attributes +2 Damage Reduction: +10
battered hubcap	65 Muscle	15	Muscle +15 Maximum HP +100 So-So Resistance to All Elements Damage Reduction: +14
black shield	65 Muscle	12	Part of the Black Armaments Muscle +5 Maximum HP +20 Damage Reduction: +10
little black book	65 Mysticality	17	Spell Damage +15 Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
sealhide buckler	65 Muscle	16	Part of the Frigid Northlands Garb Damage Reduction: 7 Damage Reduction: 10
giant penguin keychain	62 Muscle	22	Regenerate 12-16 HP per adventure Moxie -5 Damage Reduction: 10
Glowstick on a string	60 Moxie	21	Weapon Damage+10 Quest item
red book	60 Mysticality	8	Spell Damage +20 Regenerate 5-10 HP per adventure
skull gearshift knob	60 Muscle	20	+20 Spooky Damage +25 Damage to Spooky Spells Spell Damage +30%
sommelier's towel	60 Mysticality	17	+50% Booze Drops from Monsters
polyalloy shield	55 Muscle	16	Slight Resistance to All Elements Muscle +10 Damage Reduction: +9
tip jar	52 Mysticality	7	+5% Meat from Monsters
spiky turtle shield	50 Muscle	19	Damage Reduction: 8 Bonus Weapon Damage +8 +10% Items from Monsters
creepy voice box	45 Mysticality	16	Grants the skill Pull Voice Box String
Elizabeth's Dollie	45 Mysticality	18	Stupendous Cold Resistance (+4) +25 Damage to Spooky Spells
oil lamp	45 Muscle	8	Part of the Oil Rig +5 Sleaze Damage +5 Hot Damage
painted shield	45 Muscle	14	Damage Reduction: 7 All Attributes +3 +2 Prismatic Damage
rubber ribcage	45 Muscle	14	Damage Reduction: 12 Serious Spooky Resistance (+3)
Tuesday's ruby	45 Mysticality	14	+5% Meat from Monsters (Sundays) Muscle +5% (Mondays) Regenerate 3-7 MP per Adventure (Tuesdays) Mysticality +5% (Wednesdays) +5% Items from Monsters (Thursdays) Moxie +5% (Fridays) Regenerate 3-7 HP per Adventure (Saturdays)
bowl of petunias	44 Mysticality	16	All Attributes +4 +4 Stats per fight +4 Extra PvP Fights Regenerate 4-8 HP per adventure Regenerate 4-8 MP per adventure
snake shield	42 Muscle	12	Muscle +6 Gives serpentine sword +10 more Monster Level when wielded together Damage Reduction: +7
snarling wolf shield	42 Muscle	20	Maximum HP +40 gives the lupine sword 9 additional Spooky Damage when wielded together Damage Reduction: +7
borg sock monkey	40 Mysticality	16	Moxie +3
cyborg doll	40 Mysticality	11	Muscle +3
hors d'oeuvre tray	40 Muscle	18	Combat Initiative +20% Damage Reduction: +7
incredibly creepy marionette	40 Mysticality	28	Mysticality +3
killer rag doll	40 Mysticality	15	Muscle +3
mad scientist's sock monkey	40 Mysticality	27	Moxie +3
marionette	40 Mysticality	10	Mysticality +3
marionette collective	40 Mysticality	21	Mysticality +3
rag doll	40 Mysticality	8	Muscle +3
sock monkey	40 Mysticality	11	Moxie +3
Whatsian Ionic Pliers	40 Mysticality	21	Regenerate 3-5 HP per adventure Regenerate 3-5 MP per adventure
Abyssal ember	35 Muscle	13	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only +20 Hot Damage +25% Weapon Items from Monsters
ancient hot dog wrapper	35 Mysticality	23	Regenerate 30-40 HP per adventure Regenerate 30-40 MP per adventure
Creepy doll head	35 Mysticality	16	+15 Spooky Damage
depleted Grimacite gravy boat	35 Muscle	29	Mysticality +0-25% based on Grimace darkness +0-5 Extra Rollover Adventures based on Grimace darkness
detour shield	35 Muscle	13	Damage Reduction: 6 Damage Absorption +10
Dungeon Fist gauntlet	35 Muscle	21	Weapon Damage +25 Monsters will be more attracted to you. -100% Food Drops from Monsters
easter egg balloon	35 Mysticality	18	All Attributes +5
Ellsbury's skull	35 Mysticality	16	+10% Meat from Monsters +10% Item Drops from Monsters
Engorged Sausages and You	35 Mysticality	25	Spell Damage +15 All Pastamancer spells inflict Sleaze Damage +20% Food Drops from Monsters
jar of frostigkraut	35 Mysticality	19	+10 Cold Damage Deals Cold Damage every round
oyster egg balloon	35 Mysticality	18	All Attributes +5
padded tortoise	35 Muscle	15	Damage Reduction: 6 Damage Absorption +20 Regenerate 4-8 HP per adventure
rxr shield	35 Muscle	10	Damage Absorption +10 Damage Reduction: 6
shadowy seal eye	35 Muscle	16	Bonus for Seal Clubbers only +20 Spooky Damage +15 to Monster Level
slippery when wet shield	35 Muscle	24	Damage Absorption +10 Damage Reduction: 6
speed limit shield	35 Muscle	18	Damage Reduction: 6 Damage Absorption +10
stop shield	35 Muscle	11	Damage Reduction: 6 Damage Absorption +10
stress ball	35 Mysticality	11	Maximum HP/MP +100 Allows the skill Squeeze Stress Ball
tortoboggan shield	35 Muscle	18	Damage Reduction: 6 Combat Initiative +30% So-So Cold Resistance
yield shield	35 Muscle	12	Damage Absorption +10 Damage Reduction: +6
loadstone	32 Mysticality	9	+10% Meat from Monsters Occasionally gives an extra fastener at the end of combats in The Smut Orc Logging Camp
Brimstone Bunker	30 Muscle	16	Muscle +50% Moxie -20% TT's BM reward Damage Reduction: +25
flaming talons	30 Mysticality	14	Melee Damage +5 +5 Hot Damage
gnauga hide buckler	30 Muscle	19	Part of the Gnauga Hides All Attributes +3 Damage Reduction: +5
hippo skin buckler	30 Muscle	18	Muscle +5 Damage Reduction: +5
penguin skin buckler	30 Muscle	20	Moxie +5 Damage Reduction: +5
yakskin buckler	30 Muscle	15	Mysticality +5 Damage Reduction: +5
ancient stone head	27 Muscle	18	Damage Reduction: 5 75% Chance of Preventing Negative Status Attacks
Orcish stud-finder	27 Mysticality	18	Weapon Damage +5 +5 Sleaze Damage
arm buzzer	25 Muscle	10	Maximum MP +25 Damage Reduction: 6
clockwork detective skull	25 Moxie	25	Gives relatively detailed feedback about opponents' capabilities
demon buckler	25 Muscle	13	+3 Hot Damage Damage Reduction: +5
white satin shield	25 Muscle	18	Moxie +2 Damage Reduction: +5
bottle of Goldschnöckered	22 Moxie	25	+5 Hot Damage So-So Cold Resistance Allows use of skill Goldenshöwer
deck of lewd playing cards	22 Mysticality	26	Moxie +5% +69 Sleaze Damage +69 Damage to Sleaze Spells
Ancient calendar	20 Muscle	16	Damage Reduction: +4 +3 Extra Rollover Adventures
cardboard box turtle	20 Muscle	20	Muscle +3 Damage Reduction: +4
double-ice box	20 Mysticality	14	All Spells Cast Are Cold Spell Damage +10% Deals 10-20 cold damage every round
eye of the Tiger-lily	20 Mysticality	21	Spell Damage +10 +5% Item Drops from Monsters
Glass Balls of the Goblin King	20 Mysticality	30	Mysticality +14
snapdragon pistil	20 Mysticality	17	All Spells Cast Are Hot +5% Critical Spell Chance
clownskin buckler	15 Muscle	17	+3 Spooky Damage Damage Reduction: +3
disturbing fanfic	15 Mysticality	17	+30 Damage to Sleaze Spells
Grey Guanon	15 Mysticality	11	+5 Stench Damage Deals Stench Damage every round
hot plate	15 Muscle	9	Damage Reduction: 3 +3 Hot Damage Damages Attacking Opponent
meat shield	15 Muscle	11	Damage Reduction: 3 +3% Meat from Monsters
rusty compass	15 Mysticality	13	Combat Initiative +30%
balloon shield	10 Muscle	14	Damage Reduction: +3 2-3 Passive Damage
basic meat foon	10 Mysticality	15	Mysticality +3 Spell Damage +3
box turtle	10 Muscle	10	Muscle +1 Damage Reduction: +3
coffin lid	10 Muscle	10	Slight Spooky Resistance Damage Reduction: +3
enchanted brass knuckles	10 Mysticality	24	+5% Critical Hit Chance
fancy opera glasses	10 Mysticality	19	+5% Meat from Monsters +5% Items from Monsters
flimsy clipboard	10 Muscle	16	Damage Reduction: 3 +5% Meat from Monsters
foon of fearfulness	10 Mysticality	19	Mysticality +3 +8 Damage to Spooky Spells
foon of fleshiness	10 Mysticality	18	Mysticality +3 +8 Damage to Sleaze Spells
foon of foulness	10 Mysticality	16	Mysticality +3 +8 Damage to Stench Spells
foon of frigidity	10 Mysticality	17	Mysticality +3 +8 Damage to Cold Spells
foon of fulmination	10 Mysticality	19	Mysticality +3 +8 Damage to Hot Spells
peanut brittle shield	10 Muscle	21	Damage Reduction: 3 +100% Candy Items from Monsters
pixel shield	10 Muscle	12	Muscle +5 Damage Reduction: +3
pocketwatch on a chain	10 Mysticality	22	-10 to Monster Level +1 Mysticality Stat Gains from Fights
Rainbow Jello Mould	10 Muscle	19	A custom item given to Jelloboi Moxie +50%
security flashlight	10 Mysticality	19	-10 to Monster Level
sturdy cane	10 Muscle	11	+4 Extra PvP Fights +2x chance of |Fumble Combat Initiative -25%
little round pebble	7 Mysticality	19	Combat Initiative +50% Item is lost on initiative loss
bobble-hip hula elf doll	5 Mysticality	24	All Attributes +5 +15% Meat from Monsters
bone abacus	5 Mysticality	11	Counts combats won while equipped
kickback cookbook	5 Mysticality	17	Spell Damage +20
turtle wax shield	5 Muscle	17	Damage Reduction: 2 Maximum HP +10
glass gnoll eye	2 Mysticality	15	Mysticality +3
lucky lighter	2 Mysticality	13	+6 Hot Damage +5% Critical Hit Chance
sebaceous shield	2 Muscle	16	+1 Stench Damage +1 Sleaze Damage Damage Reduction: +2
17-ball	None	7	An ultra-rare item +20 Spooky Damage +20 Stench Damage +20 Hot Damage +20 Cold Damage +20 Sleaze Damage
1-ball	None	6	Combat Initiative +5%
2-ball	None	6	+5 Cold Damage +5 Damage to Cold Spells
3-ball	None	6	+5 Spooky Damage +5 Damage to Spooky Spells
4-ball	None	6	+5 Sleaze Damage +5 Damage to Sleaze Spells
5-ball	None	6	+5 Hot Damage +5 Damage to Hot Spells
6-ball	None	6	+5 Stench Damage +5 Damage to Stench Spells
7-ball	None	6	+5% Meat from Monsters
9-ball	None	6	Melee Damage +5 Ranged Damage +5 Spell Damage +5
A Light that Never Goes Out	None	27	Mysticality +5 +5 Hot Damage +5 Smithsness +X% Items from Monsters based on Smithsness
adhesive tape dolly	None	19	Moxie +5 Reduces monster attack by 1 every combat round
anniversary balloon	None	19
anniversary chutney sculpture	None	29	All Attributes +1
arrow'd heart balloon	None	21
astral shield	None	13	Muscle +25% Regenerate 5-10 HP per adventure Damage Reduction: 15
astral statuette	None	16	Mysticality +25% Spell Damage +50% +4 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
Bag o' Tricks	None	13	+10% Items from Monsters +15% Meat from Monsters Regenerate 10-12 MP per Adventure +50% Bonus Spell Damage Can Open the Bag o' Tricks in combat Can extend random effects once per day
bag of Crotchety Pine saplings	None	30	Allows for planting of trees on Arrrbor Day
bag of Laughing Willow saplings	None	31	Allows for planting of trees on Arrrbor Day
bag of Saccharine Maple saplings	None	32	Allows for planting of trees on Arrrbor Day
ball-in-a-cup	None	13	+2 Stat Gains from Fights (Myst substat only) Can be used once per day for free Mysticality substats
barskin buckler	None	15	Muscle +2 Damage Reduction: +1
box	None	3	+1% Meat from Monsters
box-in-the-box	None	14	+2% Meat from Monsters
box-in-the-box-in-the-box	None	25	+3% Meat from Monsters
BRICKO bulwark	None	14	Maximum HP +6 Damage Reduction: 3
card sleeve	None	11	If you like it, you should put a card in it! (Enchantment varies by card)
Chalice of the Malkovich Prince	None	31	Mucle +4% Mysticality +4% Moxie +4%
charged magnet	None	14	Maximum MP +5 Regenerate 1-2 MP per adventure
Cloaca-Cola shield	None	18	Part of the Cloaca-Cola Uniform Mysticality +1 Damage Reduction: +4
Codex of Capsaicin Conjuration	None	30	Spell Damage +10 All Pastamancer and Sauceror spells inflict Hot Damage
Cookbook of the Damned	None	22	Spell Damage +10 All Pastamancer spells inflict Stench Damage
Crimbo bottomless hot cocoa mug	None	31	+10 Damage to Hot Spells
Crimbo Elf creepy bobble-head	None	29	+10 Spooky Damage
Crimbo light-up Rudolph doll	None	28	+10 Sleaze Damage
Crimbo stogie-scented room odorizer	None	35	+10 Damage to Stench Spells
Crimbo tree flocker	None	19	+10 Cold Damage
deck of tropical cards	None	22	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Changes stat distribution to Mysticality class
defective skull	None	15	Gives ridiculously incorrect feedback about opponents' capabilities
detective skull	None	15	Gives basic feedback about opponents' capabilities
Dyspepsi-Cola shield	None	20	Part of the Dyspepsi-Cola Uniform Mysticality +1 Damage Reduction: +4
fake hand	None	9	Melee Damage -1 Gives extra off-hand equipment slot
fishbone catcher's mitt	None	23	Prevents some items from washing away in the Heavy Rains
foon	None	4	Mysticality +2
Gazpacho's Glacial Grimoire	None	27	Spell Damage +10 All Pastamancer and Sauceror spells inflict Cold Damage
giant clay ashtray	None	18	Damage Reduction: 3 Muscle +5
giant stuffed bugbear	None	21
glow-in-the-dark stuffed burrowgrub	None	35	Muscle +(9 - light) Bonus Weapon Damage +(9 - light)
golden sausage	None	14	A custom item given to Cobain Dougans
green balloon	None	13
Half a Purse	None	12	+1 |Stat Per Fight Damage Reduction: 3 +5 Smithsness +X% Meat from Monsters based on Smithsness
hand of Mr. Cards	None	17	All Attributes +5 Grants skill Throw a Mr. Card
handmade hobby horse	None	20	+2 Stat Gains from Fights (Muscle substat only) Can be used once per day for free Muscle substats
heart-shaped balloon	None	20
heavy duty umbrella	None	19	Reduces the level of nearby water. Somehow. (relevant during the Heavy Rains challenge path)
hobo code binder	None	16	Allows the special hobo code adventures to be encountered
hypnodisk	None	9	An ultra-rare item +25% Items from Monsters
ice baby	None	8	+3 Stat Gains from Fights Cannot equip in Hardcore
ice bucket	None	10	+20% Items from Monsters Disappears at the end of the day
Idol of Ak'gyxoth	None	17	Moxie +43 -1 MP to use Skills Can be used once per day to get a free Advanced Cocktailcrafting drink
ivory cue ball	None	14	+5% Item Drops from Monsters
joybuzzer	None	9	Can Shake Hands in combat (0 damage)
Kevlar balloon	None	14
KoL Con IV Pole	None	15	Maximum HP +4 Maximum MP +4 All Attributes +4 +4 Hot Damage
KoL Con Six Pack	None	16	All Attributes +5 +25% Booze Drops from Monsters
KoL Con X Treasure Map	None	22	+5% Items from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters
LARP carp	None	9	All Attributes +10
left bear arm	None	13	+10% Muscle Maximum HP +30 Damage Reduction: 10 Lets you act like a bear
Loathing Legion abacus	None	22	-5 MP to use Skills (in-combat only)
Loathing Legion can opener	None	26	+25% Food Drops from Monsters
Loathing Legion corkscrew	None	25	So-So Cold Resistance
Loathing Legion defibrillator	None	29	Regenerate 5-6 MP per adventure
Loathing Legion electric knife	None	30	+20% Meat from Monsters
Loathing Legion kitchen sink	None	28	Spell Damage +25%
Loathing Legion many-purpose hook	None	33	+10% Item Drops from Monsters
Loathing Legion moondial	None	24	+4 Adventure(s) per day when equipped.
Loathing Legion pizza stone	None	27	Damage Reduction: 6 Slight Resistance to All Elements
Loathing Legion tape measure	None	28	+10% Critical Hit Chance
loose purse strings	None	19	Monsters drop additional meat
magic lamp	None	10	Mysticality +5
magical ice cubes	None	17	+1 Cold Damage
Medallion of the Ventrilo Prince	None	32	Moxie +12%
Microplushie: Bropane	None	21	Weapon Damage +3
Microplushie: Dorkonide	None	23	All Attributes +1
Microplushie: Gothochondria	None	27	+2 Spooky Damage
Microplushie: Hippylase	None	23	+2 Stench Damage
Microplushie: Hipsterine	None	24	+1 to Monster Level
Microplushie: Hobomosome	None	24	Slight Stench Resistance
Microplushie: Otakulone	None	23	Maximum MP +4
Microplushie: Raverdrine	None	24	Maximum HP +8
Microplushie: Sororitrate	None	25	+2 Sleaze Damage
miniature stuffed Goth Giant	None	28
mini-zeppelin	None	13
misfit dolly	None	12	Moxie +5 +5 Spooky Damage
misfit hobby horse	None	18	Muscle +5 +5 Stench Damage
misfit teddy bear	None	17	Mysticality +5 +5 Hot Damage
mole skin notebook	None	18	Moxie +1
moxie magnet	None	12
Mr. Balloon	None	11	All Attributes +3
Mr. Haggis	None	10	Haggis! (Deals Sleaze Damage in combat)
Mylar balloon	None	13
naughty fortune teller	None	22	+variable Stat Gains from Fights Cannot equip in Hardcore
Necrotelicomnicon	None	17	Spell Damage +10 All Pastamancer spells inflict Spooky Damage
off-hand balloon	None	16	All Attributes +1
Operation Patriot Shield	None	24	Damage Reduction: 1 per level +3 Stats per Fight Maximum HP +40 Maximum MP +40 Class-Specific Enchantments Can be Thrown in Combat Cannot be equipped in Hardcore
optimal spreadsheet	None	19	An ultra-rare item All Attributes +10 +5 Extra PvP Fights +20 to Monster Level
ornate dowsing rod	None	18	Gives an extra +2% exploration per desert combat
Ouija Board, Ouija Board	None	24	Bonus for TTs only: +5 to Familiar Weight +5 Smithsness +X% Muscle based on Smithsness Gain the favor of Turtle Spirits more quickly Damage Reduction: 7
oyster basket	None	13	Allows you to hunt for Oyster Eggs on Oyster Egg Day
Paradaisical Cheeseburger recipe	None	32	Quest item
parasitic strangleworm	None	22	Part of the Mutant Couture Damage Reduction: player level (capped at 15) or 2x player level with Yuletide Mutations
penguin thesaurus	None	17	Mysticality +1 Maximum HP +5 Maximum MP +5
pilgrim shield	None	14	Maximum HP +30 Melee Damage +15 +3 Stat Gains from Fights Regenerate 10-12 HP per Adventure Weapon Drops +50% Damage Reduction: +1 per level Cannot equip in Hardcore
pirate hook	None	11	Weapon Damage +3
plush alielf	None	12	Maximum HP +30
plush alien hamsterpus	None	22	Muscle +0-10% based on Grimace darkness Mysticality +0-10% based on Grimace darkness Moxie +0-10% based on Grimace darkness
plush dogcat	None	12	Maximum MP +30
plush ferrelf	None	13	All Attributes +5
plush hamsterpus	None	16	Maximum HP +50 Maximum MP +50
plush mutated alielephant	None	25	Muscle +0-15% based on Grimace darkness Mysticality +0-15% based on Grimace darkness Moxie +0-15% based on Grimace darkness +5% Critical Hit Chance
plush mutated alielf	None	20	Muscle +0-5% based on Grimace darkness Mysticality +0-5% based on Grimace darkness Moxie +0-5% based on Grimace darkness
pool skimmer	None	12	Catches other people's washed-away items Quest Item
pottery shield	None	14	Part of the Smoked Pottery Damage Reduction: 3 +5 Hot Damage
pretty bouquet	None	13	Moxie +3
Raggedy Hippy doll	None	18
Rain-Doh green lantern	None	22	Maximum MP +20 All spells do additional Stench Damage
red balloon	None	11
rice bowl	None	9	Food Drops +20%
Sceptre of the Torremolinos Prince	None	34	Mysticality +12%
scissor duck	None	12	Mysticality +5 Reduces monster defense by 1 every combat round
set of jacks	None	12	+2 Stat Gains from Fights (Moxie substat only) Can be used once per day for free Moxie substats
Seven Loco	None	10	+5% Booze Drops from Monsters +5% Candy Drops from Monsters
sewer turtle	None	12	+1 Stench Damage Damage Reduction: +1
Shield of Icy Fate	None	18	Slight Resistance to All Elements Weapon Damage +25% All Attributes +5% Damage Reduction: 7
silver sausage	None	14	A custom item given to DarthDud
Sinful Desires	None	14	Spell Damage +10 All Pastamancer spells inflict Sleaze Damage
skull of the Bonerdagon	None	23	+5 Spooky Damage
snow mobile	None	11	Maximum MP +20 All spells do additional Cold Damage
Solstice Shield	None	15	Given to artists of the 2013 Calendar of Loathing +0-125% Muscle based on Grimace darkness +0-125% Mysticality based on Grimace darkness +0-125% Moxie based on Grimace darkness Damage Absorption +20
Space Tourist palmdoctor	None	24	Maximum HP/MP +25 Regenerate 4-6 HP and MP per adventure This item will disappear at the end of the day.
Spanish fly trap	None	16	Quest item
The Spirit of Crimbo	None	20	Enabled Recite 'The Spirit of Crimbo' for Crimbo 2008
spooky little girl	None	18	+0-5% Items from Monsters based on Grimace darkness Quest Item
Sprinkle shaker	None	15	Quest item
stapler bear	None	12	Muscle +5 Inflicts 3-5 damage every round of combat
stinky cheese wheel	None	19	Damage Reduction: 6 Damage Absorption depending on adventures stunk up
strange tiki idol	None	17	Moxie +43 Unique item
studded sealhide shield	None	23	Muscle +5 Maximum HP +30 Damage Reduction: 7
stuffed astral badger	None	21
stuffed baby gravy fairy	None	24
stuffed bandersnatch	None	20
stuffed Baron von Ratsworth	None	27
stuffed can of asparagus	None	24
stuffed caterpillar	None	19
stuffed Cheshire bitten	None	23
stuffed cocoabo	None	15
stuffed dodecapede	None	18
stuffed dodo	None	12
stuffed flaming gravy fairy	None	27
stuffed frozen gravy fairy	None	26
stuffed ghuol whelp	None	19
stuffed hand turkey	None	19
stuffed key	None	11	Used to open stuffed treasure chest
stuffed MagiMechTech MicroMechaMech	None	35
stuffed martini	None	15
stuffed Meat	None	12
stuffed mind flayer	None	19
stuffed Mob Penguin	None	19
stuffed monocle	None	15
stuffed pocketwatch	None	19	Causes you to gain or lose 1-10 adventures
stuffed porpoise	None	16
stuffed sabre-toothed lime	None	26
stuffed scary death orb	None	23
stuffed sleazy gravy fairy	None	26
stuffed snowy owl	None	17
stuffed spooky gravy fairy	None	26
stuffed stab bat	None	16
stuffed stinky gravy fairy	None	26
stuffed teddy butler	None	20
stuffed tin of caviar	None	21
stuffed treasure chest	None	22	Contains other stuffies
stuffed undead elbow macaroni	None	29
stuffed yeti	None	12
stuffed yo-yo	None	13
stuffed zmobie	None	14
sucker bucket	None	13	+50% Candy Drops from Monsters May attract walruses
Sword of the Brouhaha Prince	None	28	Muscle +12%
Taco Dan's Taco Stand Cocktail Sauce Bottle	None	43	Quest item
Temporal Tempera Tube	None	21	Given to artists of the 2013 Calendar of Loathing +0-25% Muscle based on Grimace darkness +0-25% Mysticality based on Grimace darkness +0-25% Moxie based on Grimace darkness
third-hand lantern	None	18	Combat Initiative +5%
thought balloon	None	15
Time Lord Participation Mug	None	13	+3 Maximum Hooch
Tiki lighter	None	12	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Changes stat distribution to Moxie class
Tiny black hole	None	15	Allows Pickpocketing +25% Pickpocket Chance Combat Initiative -200%
tropical paperweight	None	20	+1 Stat Gains from Fights Changes stat distribution to Muscle class
turtling rod	None	12	Enables Turtle Taming
UV-resistant compass	None	20	Gives an extra +1% exploration per desert combat
Victor, the Insult Comic Hellhound Puppet	None	41	+5 to Monster Level Quest item
voodoo doll	None	11	Mysticality +1
wad of Crovacite	None	16	A custom item given to Crovax1234 All Attributes +5 +5 Spooky Damage
white balloon	None	13